Understanding and Navigating Grief: Expert Counselling Tips from Kensho Psychotherapy.

Welcome to a heartfelt exploration of grief, a journey that doesn’t neatly end with the holidays. If you’ve ever felt the lingering shadow of loss long after the festive lights have dimmed, this blog is for you. It’s a candid, down-to-earth reflection on personal loss and the ongoing grieving process, extending beyond the holiday season, by therapist Beata Pezacka.

When my grandmother died in December 2013, I became overwhelmed with shame, guilt, powerlessness, and anger. I loved my grandmother deeply. She essentially raised me from an early age in the absence of my neglectful and emotionally unavailable parents. She was the closest connection to emotional security and healthy attachment. My grief journey since has been complex, involving a variety of emotions—from sorrow to anger, acceptance to peace and it is complicated around Christmas, making the holiday season both a joyful time and overshadowed with grief.

GRIEF AND THE HOLIDAYS

Reflecting on the recent holiday season, did you feel disconnected when hearing “Happy Holidays!”? Despite feeling vulnerable, the pressure to seem happy or strong around others can be overwhelming during this time. For those mourning a loss, the holidays often reopen wounds, making the absence of loved ones painfully evident. Society’s expectation of constant cheerfulness can feel burdensome, especially when our hearts are heavy with grief.

This past holiday season might have been particularly tough, reexperiencing the trauma of loss all over again. While society may try to convince us that we should always be happy around this time of year, perpetual, forced cheer is an unrealistic way to view life and dismissive of our true emotions.

Allow me to share some tips that have helped me with my grief. But first, let’s get a few things straight about what grief really is and what it definitely isn’t.

WHAT IS GRIEF?

Grief often carries with it a negative connotation in our society. Have you ever felt that phrases like “Move on” or “Happy Holidays” don’t sit right, especially if you are still sad and grieving? These words can be invalidating, contributing to a culture of avoidance and stigma. Think about it: have you ever found yourself putting on a brave face, staying super busy, or even overindulging to avoid dealing with grief?

While some may argue that this desire to prioritize joyful tidings during the Holidays is for the good of all, we should be careful that pushing so-called “bad” feelings away can lead to forced insincerity (acting “strong”), obsessive distraction (staying busy), avoiding feelings (putting on a happy face), and addictive activities (overeating, sex, over-spending, excessive drinking, etc.). These ways of trying to mask grief by giving a false perception of having “moved on” can lead to anxiety, agitation, and resentment. No wonder the Holidays can often devolve into family arguments!

But grief is not a process that must be avoided or hidden. Grief is a healthy process, and I invite you to view grief as an opportunity for self-discovery. Stay tuned for Part 2 next week, where we’ll delve deeper into this journey and explore practical ways to embrace and learn from our grief. You won’t want to miss it!

At Kensho Psychotherapy, we understand that many of you are grieving and feeling overwhelmed, and we’re here to support you and offer guidance on managing your grief. Ms. Pezacka, a skilled therapist on our mental health therapy team, provides insightful definitions of grief and will return with valuable tips on coping with grief. Make sure to follow us for part II.

If you’re seeking counseling or therapy to help you through your grief journey, don’t hesitate to contact us at 347-868-7813. Stay tuned for more expert advice on grief management, coping strategies, and therapeutic support, essential for anyone seeking healing and understanding while grieving.