Category: <span>Mental Health</span>

Build Your Confidence By Taking A Look At How Far You’ve Come

confidence is something we can work on by slowing down and tracking our progress with it

How often do you really take the time to celebrate the wins in your life? If you’re like many of us, you probably don’t do this nearly often enough.

I had come to learn pretty quickly that life has its highs and lows just like the ocean does and sometimes you just have to see how far they’ll carry you”. — C.A. Williams

How far has life carried you? Taking time to acknowledge how far I’ve come and how much I’ve accomplished is always a HUGE confidence booster for me when I take the time to do it. I’m sure it’s no different for you. To be honest, there’s a lot we’ve all done over the past few fears or even few days that we should be proud of, yet we often don’t see it or foget to be mindful of where we’ve been and its contributions to our present. There always seems to be so much left to do, or a focus on the things we failed at that seems to take the joy out of the room.

A crucial component of confidence and our general well-being is our ability to pause and notice our past with compassion, while celebrating even the smallest wins that shape how far we’ve already come.

Why Do We Struggle to Slow Down and Celebrate Ourselves?

  • There is an urgency to keep going, to get to the next thing, the next accomplishment. It’s probably a feeling that keeps you up at night with thoughts you just can’t seem to shut off, and it’s just physically and emotionally hard to do. 
  • You’ve set the bar so high that no matter how far you get, it never feels like enough. A feeling that can erode your confidence because it’s personalized to, “I’m not enough”.
  • It’s hard to see the things that went well, and you tend to focus on all the little things that didn’t go as planned. 
  • It’s a reflection of your upbringing. You were raised to be humble about your accomplishments, or no one was really available to celebrate you. 
  • There is a part of you that’s scared that if you pause to celebrate, you’ll somehow fall behind. 
  • You’re not there “yet,” so there isn’t a big enough reason to celebrate- leaving no room for small wins.
Build confidence by honoring where you came from. Coaching tips and life strategies, life hacks. Quote.

Which one resonates with you? 

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. The value of slowing down is you get to find your strengths and the realizations you need to validate your ability to navigate current challenges and achieve your goals with confidence. But where do you start? Let’s begin with gratitude. 

How to Slow Down to Achieve Your Goals and Boost Your Confidence

Reflection and Gratitude

The simplest way to ensure you notice what you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve come is to get into the habit of spending a few minutes in the morning or right before bed in reflection and gratitude.

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” 

William Arthur Ward

When you wake up in the morning, before you get out of bed, or while munching on that bagel or sipping on your coffee, think about what you’ve accomplished and what you’re grateful for. 

I like this morning habit because it sets a positive and confident tone for the day ahead. If that doesn’t work for you, try it at night before you fall asleep. Keep a journal next to your bed and don’t just dump out your worries; dump out what went well for the day. You can even add three accomplishments or things that made you feel proud in the week or the last few months. 

Make reflecting in gratitude a daily habit, and watch your confidence grow.

three unexpected tips to boost your confidence

Journaling And Habit Trackers

habit tracker, confidence tracker, mental health, journal to track wellbeing
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Spending a few minutes daily writing down your wins is a great way to reconnect to your truths. To build a better routine and establish this as a habit. If you’re trying to develop better habits, try a habit tracker. Grid paper and excel spreadsheets work well for this too. Seeing a month’s worth of little checkmarks on your habit tracker can be very motivating.

With the journal, make it a point to review your wins regularly and of course, whenever you need a little boost of self-esteem and confidence. Look online for plenty of journaling and habit tracker ideas. Give the ones that look good a try and devise a system that works for you. 

Get Your Own Personal Cheerleader

Sometimes it helps to have your own personal cheerleader. No, I’m not suggesting you hire a person with pompoms to follow you around everywhere (although that might be fun for a day). Instead, find a good friend or family member who’s encouraging already and ask them to cheer you on. Who are your cheerleaders? Keep their numbers on speed dial so you can call them whenever you feel low or don’t want to do something and need some encouragement.  

You can also think about who has been a key support person in your life, even if they played a minor role. I can think of my 4th-grade teacher Ms. English and how loving and accepting she was, which meant the world to me as a migrant child in a new country and school system. Who is your person? In your journal, list 2-3 of those people you have had in your life and note their impact on you. That relationship might even be another reminder of how far you’ve come. 

You now have some great ways to slow down and notice the value in your life daily. Taking the time to recognize those wins and seeing how far you’ve come has a ripple effect of increasing how good you feel about yourself, improving your mood, and building your confidence and momentum so you can continue to tackle future goals with more ease and joy. 

Celebrate yourself. You work hard, and you deserve it. 

How are you planning on bringing more celebration into your life? Let us know in the comments below!

Other great reads: Actionable Steps to Overcome Anxiety

The Self Love Journal For Women

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is addressing mental health on multiple levels from the boardroom to your virtual office.

prioritze your self care and wellbeing. Wellbing ideas to support good mental health.

Show Up and Glow Up

Pause, take a deep breath, and take in this present moment.

You have made it into the summer, and this is your reminder to make yourself a priority and not sabotage your emotional wellbeing and good habits.

To help you with that, we are sharing our Summer Glow Up Plan!

Glow Up means taking time to acknowledge and nurture your needs by showing up for yourself and your mental health.

Your Summer Glow Plan might look like this:

1) Figure out your daily routine. Add things you love or want to do for the summer into that routine. Without goal-directed action, it’s easier to lose motivation and fall into slumps of procrastination. We recommend starting your day writing in a journal to organize your ideas and embracing your phone calendar to keep you on task. 

2) There is healing in community. Take time to connect. Call, text, or even write a friend to say hi, or offer a compliment. Social connections promote positive mental health outcomes. Another great option is joining an online group or finding events on places like Eventbrite to expand your social networks.

Relate read: Women’s Retreat and Healing Community

3) Move your body. Your body is craving to be noticed and to move. Try a free yoga application like Down Dogg in the App Store, find a 10-minute workout on youtube, or turn up your favorite mashup and dance like your office mate isn’t watching!  

move your body. summer glow up plan, get active. Ways to stay emotionally healthy in the summer

4) Set your alarm to get outside during the day. Walk, run or sit outside and get some fresh air and sun. To get even more grounded, kick off your shoes and feel the earth beneath you- we call this grounding “earthing.” As you ground yourself, use that time to think about a few reasons to be grateful.

Let us know which self-care tips you’ll be working on this week in the comments below!

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R, is a Licensed therapist, speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is addressing mental health on multiple levels, from the boardroom to your virtual office

woman wearing eyeglasses in grayscale photography

The Uninvited House Guest: Emotions

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No one likes to experience worry, embarrassment, shame, anxiety, or the type of intense sadness that feels like a heaviness that will not go away. It’s uncomfortable, intrusive, takes away your sense of control, and often feels like an uninvited guest. If only we could make it go away. Bye girl, and don’t slam my door on the way out! 

Yeah, if only. 

Who doesn’t want to feel good? We live in a world where sunshine and everlasting rainbows dripped in positivity are constantly promoted. There is nothing wrong with a little bit of positivity, but when it means chasing away those negative feelings at any cost, that’s when it can become problematic. In my work, I’ve come across some pretty creative ways of avoiding feelings: 

  • Never noticing and talking about it 
  • Laughter at awkward times
  • Shopping sprees
  • Late-night eating while binge-watching Netflix
  • Oversleeping 
  • Walking away at the height of an argument 
  • And [enter your habit here]

These may be great momentary fixes, but the truth is, they only serve to invalidate your experiences. Without fail, the uncomfortable emotions will resurface again and run wild, often with greater intensity than before. 

Have you ever wondered why your emotions are showing up in the first place? And where you learned to dismiss them? Is it a process you observed while growing up? Or maybe said to you with words like “boys don’t cry,” or hearing phrases like: “you’ll be fine” when it sure doesn’t feel that way at the moment, “toughen up,” or “calm down.” 

Invalidation is sneaky, and the consequence is a human who learns not to acknowledge their emotions without judgment or trust their emotional experience. Worse yet, you realize it’s not worth it to open up to others about how you feel because it comes at the uncomfortable risk of again being dismissed or feeling unheard. 

If I were to sum it up, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not defective because you worry sometimes, are scared of becoming depressed again or aren’t happy all the time. Our life is richer because of our emotional experiences. Emotions allow us to tune in to what we need. It gives us grounds to ask for clarification and express our needs. It fosters attuned leaders and skills like compassion and creativity. Learning to welcome your emotions gives us a real sense of flexibility, freedom, and control.

practice noticing your emotions, awareness of emotions, managing emotions

So how do you embrace your emotions and get to that kind of magic? 

Feelings are just information. One of my favorite books is Visiting Feelings by Lauren Rubenstein. The book invites you to look at your emotions like a guest, but instead of shutting the door in its face, asking it why it’s here. We all experience a wide range of emotions, and to better respond to them, we have to take the time to understand them. 

Start with taking some space when you notice a difficult emotion. It may mean excusing yourself from an argument with a scheduled time to return, stepping out of the office for a bathroom break, or closing your eyes for a few moments to disconnect. At that moment, find your breath. Use it to anchor you. Try something like four square breathing. Slowing your breathing allows your automatic nervous system to regulate and brings more ease to your body and your mind. It would look like this:

1. Bring your attention to your breath.  

2. Inhale and slowly count for four seconds. 

3. Hold for four seconds. 

4. Exhale and slowly count for four seconds.  

5. Hold for four seconds.

6. Do this four-five times. 

When you feel that shift in your emotion or feel overwhelmed, angry, or frantic, pause and just breathe. Once you settle down, you can explore with curiosity the emotions that kicked this off in the first place. 

What is it trying to bring to your attention (like maybe you’ve taken on too many tasks, need more support, worry about an outcome, etc.)?

It’s a great way to learn to notice and read your body signals as you would shift in temperature and the weather. This practice can help you recognize and understand the messages that speak to what you need or don’t need to feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

Psychotherapist, Mental Health Trainer, Black Therapist, Coach

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is tackling mental health on multiple platforms.

Related Reads:

15 Quotes to Calm Your Anxiety as an Entrepreneur

My Thoughts Support My Success

Disclaimer: There are affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you decide to buy to support our tea-drinking habits at no cost to you. 

happy trendy black woman sitting on stairs and laughing

15 Quotes to Calm Your Anxiety When Stressed Out

Cheerful stylish African American lady. Able to manage stress and anxiety.  Happy.

These 15 anxiety quotes are meant to encourage you and help calm that feeling of overwhelm when anxious or feeling like life is out of control. Understanding how your mind works and how you talk to yourself when stressed out is key to reducing Anxiety in your life. 

We all have that humble inner voice that tells us what we should be doing with our lives and who we ultimately want to be. Unfortunately, many women push this inner voice aside and instead listen to the one that says things like, “You can’t do this”, “How am I going to make money from this?”, “What will people think of me?” “I feel like a fraud,” “This is too difficult”, and “What if I fail?”. 

That critical voice is like a neon yellow highlighter finding all the negatives. Its presence can be painful, limiting, and paralyzing. What you may not know is it is often connected to anxiety or depression and fuels destructive habits shortchanging your progress, and the progress of the other 40 million adults in the United States alone that are diagnosed with Anxiety or Depression (and that’s just those who know). 

The Thought, Attitude & Action Connection

Anxiety is pretty common, and a hallmark trait is the fear-based worry thoughts that hold women hostage creating doubt, imposter syndrome, and not much action. See your thoughts, attitude and actions are strongly related, and you can take a look at an example of that hereNegative self-talk triggers emotions like worry, anger, or sadness, kicking up a negative or defeated attitude, which then causes you to engage in self sabotaging behaviors with things like procrastination or avoidance. Sounds familiar?

Learning to correct negative thinking patterns and your response starts with understanding the source of these unhelpful stories running around in your mind and beginning to seize control of your inner mean girl. If you want to take a closer look at what this means for you, download the free inner critic workbook to help you calm your inner critic. 

I’m curious, what would you be doing if you didn’t second guess yourself? Or talk yourself out of amazing opportunities? Share those thoughts in the comments below

Retraining Your Brain

As you ponder the impact of your inner mean girl, please note the good news- changes made to your brain by negative thought processes are reversible. While we use strategies based on cognitive behavior therapy to do this with clientsyou can start to do some of this work yourself simply by introducing more positive comments to your life. The research has found the more you engage in positive thought work, the more it stimulates the front of your brain or the pre-frontal cortex- positive self-talk is like a workout for your mind. 

And real talk, reading something positive is just uplifting and is a powerful way to help you feel calm and in control when stress or Anxiety threatens to overwhelm you. 

Managing Stress

Navigating anxiety, stress and overwhelm in the moment is critical. Here are a few ways some of our clients do that:

  1. Embrace mindfulness or regular meditation practice (try apps like stop, breathe, think or calm.com)
  2. Schedule breaks within the day
  3. Brain dump to-do lists and work on the top 3 items at a time instead of being overwhelmed by EVERYTHING on the list
  4. Eat junk free snacks throughout the day to support a consistent mood 
  5. Learn to say “no” and assert boundaries with significant others 

Embracing the positive

Using affirmations, mantras, the above approaches, and working with a therapist or a business mindset coach may be the missing element to fighting against your mind and consistently showing up for your self and your business. As you continue to work on yourself, here are a few positve quotes to get some perspective on your Anxiety and soothe your soul!

Quotes to Navigate Anxiety and Lift Your Spirits

This one is one of my favorites from the Inner Critic Workbook for Ambitious Women:

1. “Thoughts are not facts or realities. They do not define you” ~Amanda Fludd

anxiety, dealing with stress

2. “I give myself permission to suck…I find this hugely liberating” -John Green

3. “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.”

—Charles Spurgeon

4. Trust yourself. You’ve survived a lot, and you’ll survive whatever is coming. – Robert Tew

5. Smile, breathe, and go slowly. — Thich Nhat Hanh  

6.”You can have it all. Just not all at once.” ~Oprah

And another from the Queen herself: 

7. “The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free.” – Oprah Winfrey

8. “You dream. You plan. You reach. There will be obstacles. There will be doubters. There will be mistakes. But with hard work, with belief, with confidence and trust in yourself and those around you, there are no limits.” – Michael Phelps

  1. “Just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t pretend that you do and, and some point, you will.” Venus Williams

10. “The only person who can stop you from reaching your goals is you.”

— Jackie Joyner-Kersee 

11. “You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.

– Dan Millman

12. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. Isiah 41:10

13. “Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.” – Roy Bennett

14. “It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.” – Mandy Hale

15. “The way you tell your story to yourself matters.” – Amy Cuddy

That said, continue to challenge that inner critic and the mean girl stories it tries to tell you. It’s most likely not true, and you are more powerful than your mind will have you to believe. 

If any of these quotes or parts of this blog resonated with you, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

Also, if you like any of the images featured in this post, sharing it through your favorite social media platform like Pinterest or tagging @amanda.fludd on Instagram is appreciated.

Related Articles:

Calming the Anxious Mind

Getting Clear on Goals to Reduce Overwhelm

Ending Self Criticism and Liking Yourself More

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed therapist and coach for high-achieving women. It’s important to note when resolving complex thoughts, it can be challenging, and it is helpful to enlist the support of a therapist or a coach. If you are unsure what you need, reach out, and we can help you figure that out.

Note: There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you decide to buy to support our tea drinking habits at no cost to you. 

write your goal

What Is Your Goal Langugage?

goal setting tipsJust as we all learn very differently, practical goal setting can look very different as well. What works for someone else may not work for you – and that is just fine. Stay with me as I give you a few creative tips for setting your goals in a way that works for you.

Defining The Goal

When you say “goal,” the term can mean just about anything. You could have a goal to make more money, save up for a larger home, expand your business, etc. These are not wrong goals, but they are not necessarily effective goals. The idea is too broad, with no clear measurement for success, making them that much harder to attain.

An effective method for setting goals is to create SMART goals. SMART is an acronym system for developing actionable, achievable goals. A SMART goal is Specific, Measurable, Assignable, and Realistic.

Once you have decided what you want your goal to be, you can begin to break it down into smaller digestible or smart pieces. Essentially, specify what you would like to achieve, assign a time frame you would like to achieve it in, understand who is responsible for the success of the goal, and assure that the goal can realistically be achieved.

BOOM – that’s it.

Once you have a clear goal, you can shift to the work required to get there. To help you with this, try our free vision board planner from a recent workshop we did helping other women entrepreneurs get clear on their goals. It’s an excellent way to collect your thoughts and get them out into action steps.

Goal Setting Strategies
Visual Goals Are Powerful For The Mind

Tips for Making Goals Work 

If you have taken the time to create your SMART goal, you must also spend some time with it. Schedule a consistent time to look at what you want to achieve and work on the action steps to get there. By consistently showing up to work on your goals, you are developing new success systems and habits. Habits, once formed, are automatic. They rewire our brains with the discipline needed for success. 

If your goal were a plant, the time you spend with it would be the food it needs to grow. With consistency, it will thrive in its proper season. 

The Language of Goals  

First, figure out your goal language. Are you a visual person? Do you need to think things through? Do you thrive in peace and quiet?

Whatever your goal language, roll with it!

If you are a visual person, spend some extra time creating a vision board for your goal. Having a visual map of your plan will allow you to visualize success better. When you envision what you want to achieve, you consciously decide to look for information about the situation that will improve your performance outcomes. Goal setting strategiesHigh-performing athletes do it all the time- I should know, I was one of them. Before a race, as I settled my nerves, I would see myself running the event. My muscles would fire at the gun, and I would rise out the blocks into formation and turn gears across the 400-meter track- gliding over hurdles along the way. This process helped me create a clear picture of what my body needed to do to get me to where I needed to go.

If you are more of a process and analytical person, try to journal out your goals. Getting your thoughts onto paper will allow you to work through them, see the holes, and may even inspire new inspiration. In fact, you are 42 percent more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. Writing also helps to reduce stress, anxiety, and overwhelm- factors that work against goal attainment. 

If quiet reflection is your goal language, find some quiet time and give yourself the space to dream and create. Try a practice from Stop, Breathe, Think, or Calm.com, and dedicate time to starting your process there daily with meditation, then writing. This daily or even weekly practice can help you stay motivated and keep your head clear. 

We all want to achieve better results. Writing down your goals is a good starting point. It’s an easy technique that helps you become more efficient and reduce your stress simultaneously. Let us know your goal language in the comments below and what you are working on. 

 

Goal setting strategiesAmanda Fludd, LCSW-R gets a whole lot of practice writing wellness goals for corporations and helping individuals navigate goals to improve their emotional and business wellbeing. Jump on her calander if you need to connect!

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