Category: <span>Mental Health</span>

Mental Health Personal Growth • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

The Power of Inner Child Dialogues

by Tabitha Karl, Ph.D

The phrase “new year, new me” is particularly popular within the first quarter of the New Year. Individuals may purchase calendars to become organized and set new goals, clean out the refrigerator, delete the number of an ex-partner, or dispose of old clothing to attempt to have a fresh start. While these behaviors open the door to change, there are underlying causes of how the pattern developed. Very seldom do we ever stop to ask ourselves, what influenced my behavior?

Behavior patterns as an adult vary by person and are often rooted in childhood experiences and trauma. For example, how critical you are of your appearance before leaving the house could be connected to that 8-year-old part of you. That part that is still heartbroken from an experience where your first crush told you that you were ugly. Perhaps you are someone who often rehearses what you need to say before social outings, which is tied to when your second-grade teacher embarrassed you in front of the class, and you were at a loss for words. Maybe you struggle to project your voice as an adult in social settings or leadership roles because your parent told you, “Kids should be seen, not heard.” Experiences become core memories that shape who we are as adults, and our present-day experiences activate those memories or inner child experiences and our core beliefs each time we encounter similar situations.

So how do we fix it?

  1. We must acknowledge it. The first step to change is to own that there is a problem that
    needs to be adjusted.
    Exercise: Keep a journal to write down daily activities and experiences that trigger strong thoughts or emotions and reflect on patterns. Do you see any themes?
  2. The next step is understanding it. Reflection is like a mirror. At times, what you see is pretty decent, but your truth may look ugly. Consider when or how you developed this pattern of belief about self and what you were trying to deflect from.
    Exercise: Write a letter to yourself at (insert age). What advice would you give your inner child then, knowing what you know now?
  3. If these options seem overwhelming, seek the help of a professional. The key to this step is engaging when you are willing to do the self-searching in order to produce real change.
    It is said that it takes 30 days to start a new habit. So why not commit to the deep dive and start exploring what’s behind your response daily for the next few days? You may learn a lot about yourself.

SIGNED THE COUNSELING INTERN T.


Tabitha Karl, Ph.D., currently an intern at Kensho Psychotherapy, offers valuable insights into the role of inner child work in addressing everyday trauma. According to Dr. Karl, it’s not just the trauma itself that affects us; it’s the beliefs we form about ourselves and the world’s safety that can compromise our wellbeing, relationships, and adult life.

An additional tip to reframe your inner dialogue involves practicing self-compassion. When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend. This shift in perspective can significantly alter your response to life’s challenges.

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please leave a comment below or share this piece with someone who might find it helpful. Your engagement and sharing can make a meaningful difference in someone’s journey of self-discovery and healing.

Mental Health Self Care Therapy • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Beyond ‘Just Get Over It’: Real Tips for Coping with Grief in a World Demanding Happiness

by Therapist Beata Pazacka

As we continue our conversation about grief and loss when others can’t understand our experience, let’s unpack some practical ways to cope with grief, especially when it feels like you’re going through it alone.

REDEFINING GRIEF

As we discussed in Part I of this series, grief is a healthy process and an opportunity to view it as an opportunity for self-discovery. The DSM V-R, the clinical guide that we use as therapists, views grief as a disorder or something we should fix. I have discovered in both my personal and professional experience that the point of grieving is not forgetting and “moving on.” It’s not a thing to “fix.” If we allow it, it becomes part of who we are and our journey. It is something to experience.

Experiencing grief leads to positive life changes and more appreciation and gratitude for the present moment. It allows a balance of emotions and experiences that are both uncomfortable (sadness, anger, fear) and affirmative (acceptance, transformation, maturity).

PERSONAL TIPS FOR COPING WITH GRIEF

Navigating grief is a personal process. Given that, I want to offer a gentler way of personally perceiving grief and joy beyond the holidays. 

1. In order to fully experience grief, it is crucial to develop a relationship with the self. Bessel Van Der Kolk, a prominent trauma therapist, outlines his concept of internal experience in his book, Body Keeps the Score, stating, “Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.”  

Paying attention to what I feel and what I need resonated with me during the holiday season.  

2. I have often caught myself comparing my grief experience to others and tormenting myself with “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” in terms of my feelings and actions. Relief came when I realized there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. Grief just is, and it is a unique experience for me. 

3. Recognize that grief and joy are not mutually exclusive.  

When I am open to the whole experience of grieving, I find a space in my heart for moments of connection and joy. And after all, wouldn’t the grieving person want you to experience joy, whether it be a joyful memory of them or a joyful moment in the present? It is ok to hold space for both at the same time. 

Don’t suffer in silence. Be honest with yourself and others about your needs, even if it is to be alone. Ask yourself, “Do I need time alone to process my grief, or am I simply avoiding others?” “Are there things I need to say? Do I need to ask someone to have a conversation with me about the loss?” Letting the family in takes courage and honesty and asking for support and understanding.  

Remember that you are the owner of your grief. It is your choice how you celebrate or engage with family or friends around the loss. Permit yourself to be you and know that whatever you choose is ok. 

THE BOTTOM LINE

For those of us who have had to reexperience feelings of grief during the Holiday season and are exhausted from being around others or wearing the mask of trying so hard to look “happy,” we see you and encourage you to give yourself what you need. Maybe it’s rest, scheduling a therapy session, or engaging in other healthy coping skills.

Additionally, the grief process is personal, and we invite you to practice self-compassion and kindness toward your own experience of where you are in the process.

We extend our gratitude to Psychotherapist Ms. Pezacka. Her expertise as a member of our mental health therapy team has offered deep insights into the nature of grief. If you’re in search of counseling or therapy to help you cope with grief, or you are looking for a therapist near you, reach out to us at 347-868-7813. 

Your thoughts and experiences matter to us, so we’d love to hear your feedback on this piece in the comments below. 

Mental Health Mindfulness • By AMANDA FLUDD 1 Comment

Setting Yourself Up for Failure? What Not to Do When Pursuing Your New Year’s Goals

As the New Year unfolds, setting goals is customary, just as the ball drops. Often, these are lofty ones, the kind we abandon before January even says goodbye. But what if we flipped the script this year? This year, I want to help you figure out how to create goals that resonate with a plan to achieve them. Keep reading to discover how to set goals you’ll be excited to work on all year.

This year, we will reach into our therapist’s toolbox and try mindful goal setting – a practice that focuses on what we want to achieve and how we want to feel as a means to goal attainment. Approaching goal setting mindfully means staying connected to the present, which forces you to focus on what you can control right now. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the future or constrained by our past, but mindfulness disrupts that process.

Why We Should Set Mindful Goals

Think of setting goals as your life’s GPS; they provide direction and a destination. In therapy, we use goals to address issues effectively. Without direction, it’s easy to go through life on auto-pilot doing all the things we “should,” leading to feeling disconnected, lost, or unhappy because we aren’t working on something purposeful. That’s why I encourage you to set goals – to work on something purposeful for yourself.

Where to Start

Reflect on the areas of your life that were neglected or avoided last year or the things that consistently drained your time and energy. These are clues to areas needing attention, such as health, relationships, or personal growth. Ask yourself, what do you want these areas to look like moving forward?

More Prompts for Goal Writing:

  • Consider specific areas – personal, professional, health, relationships – where setting a goal could lead to positive change.
  • Think about the legacy you want to leave. What goals align with this?
  • Imagine what you could achieve physically, professionally, and financially without fear or limits.

This time of year is a nudge to refocus on what genuinely matters. Set goals that move you in that direction.

Mindful Goal Setting for the New Year

  1. Creating an Intentional Inner Space: Begin in a calm environment. Find a quiet spot, take deep breaths, and center yourself. This helps clear your mind and sets the stage for meaningful goal setting.
  2. Acknowledging and Releasing Emotions: It’s natural to feel overwhelmed or sad when reflecting on the past year or planning ahead. Mindfully recognize these feelings without judgment. Ask yourself, “Where am I now, and what can I do with this moment?” “Is this [thought or emotion] helping me.” This will support you in remaining grounded in the present.
  3. Visualizing Success: Focus on how you want to feel when you achieve your goals. Use your senses to strengthen your connection to these goals, making them more tangible and exciting. This boosts your motivation and makes the journey enjoyable.
  4. Focusing on Small, Manageable Steps: Concentrate on small, achievable steps that support your larger vision. This approach reduces anxiety and makes your goals more attainable.
  5. Making Goals Visual: Create a visual representation of your goals, like a vision board or a detailed description. Include emotions, details, and images that embody your aspirations. Seeing your life with these goals already achieved will fuel your success and maintain your motivation throughout the year.

As we step into this New Year, embrace mindful goal setting. It’s about more than reaching a destination; it’s about enjoying the journey, growing along the way, and aligning with the life you want to live. Let’s make this year not just about unchecked resolutions but a time for meaningful growth and possibilities. 

The journey towards your goals is as important as the destination. It’s about growth, learning, and enjoying each step along the way. We’re here to walk that path with you. Our events are more than just gatherings; they’re incubators for inspiration, motivation, and actionable strategies. Check out the upcoming Vision Board Event in Brooklyn on 1.14.24: https://findyourglow2024.eventbrite.com

Our services are tailored to help you maintain focus, overcome obstacles, and celebrate every victory, big or small. Looking for a therapist book here. 

Keep striving, keep growing, and remember, we’re here to support you in every way we can. Let’s make this year unforgettable.

Warm regards-Amanda Fludd, Psychotherapist, Writer & Coach 

woman sad at the holidays. dealing with holiday grief
Mental Health Self Care • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Understanding and Navigating Grief: Expert Counselling Tips from Kensho Psychotherapy.

Welcome to a heartfelt exploration of grief, a journey that doesn’t neatly end with the holidays. If you’ve ever felt the lingering shadow of loss long after the festive lights have dimmed, this blog is for you. It’s a candid, down-to-earth reflection on personal loss and the ongoing grieving process, extending beyond the holiday season, by therapist Beata Pezacka.

When my grandmother died in December 2013, I became overwhelmed with shame, guilt, powerlessness, and anger. I loved my grandmother deeply. She essentially raised me from an early age in the absence of my neglectful and emotionally unavailable parents. She was the closest connection to emotional security and healthy attachment. My grief journey since has been complex, involving a variety of emotions—from sorrow to anger, acceptance to peace and it is complicated around Christmas, making the holiday season both a joyful time and overshadowed with grief.

GRIEF AND THE HOLIDAYS

Reflecting on the recent holiday season, did you feel disconnected when hearing “Happy Holidays!”? Despite feeling vulnerable, the pressure to seem happy or strong around others can be overwhelming during this time. For those mourning a loss, the holidays often reopen wounds, making the absence of loved ones painfully evident. Society’s expectation of constant cheerfulness can feel burdensome, especially when our hearts are heavy with grief.

This past holiday season might have been particularly tough, reexperiencing the trauma of loss all over again. While society may try to convince us that we should always be happy around this time of year, perpetual, forced cheer is an unrealistic way to view life and dismissive of our true emotions.

Allow me to share some tips that have helped me with my grief. But first, let’s get a few things straight about what grief really is and what it definitely isn’t.

WHAT IS GRIEF?

Grief often carries with it a negative connotation in our society. Have you ever felt that phrases like “Move on” or “Happy Holidays” don’t sit right, especially if you are still sad and grieving? These words can be invalidating, contributing to a culture of avoidance and stigma. Think about it: have you ever found yourself putting on a brave face, staying super busy, or even overindulging to avoid dealing with grief?

While some may argue that this desire to prioritize joyful tidings during the Holidays is for the good of all, we should be careful that pushing so-called “bad” feelings away can lead to forced insincerity (acting “strong”), obsessive distraction (staying busy), avoiding feelings (putting on a happy face), and addictive activities (overeating, sex, over-spending, excessive drinking, etc.). These ways of trying to mask grief by giving a false perception of having “moved on” can lead to anxiety, agitation, and resentment. No wonder the Holidays can often devolve into family arguments!

But grief is not a process that must be avoided or hidden. Grief is a healthy process, and I invite you to view grief as an opportunity for self-discovery. Stay tuned for Part 2 next week, where we’ll delve deeper into this journey and explore practical ways to embrace and learn from our grief. You won’t want to miss it!

At Kensho Psychotherapy, we understand that many of you are grieving and feeling overwhelmed, and we’re here to support you and offer guidance on managing your grief. Ms. Pezacka, a skilled therapist on our mental health therapy team, provides insightful definitions of grief and will return with valuable tips on coping with grief. Make sure to follow us for part II.

If you’re seeking counseling or therapy to help you through your grief journey, don’t hesitate to contact us at 347-868-7813. Stay tuned for more expert advice on grief management, coping strategies, and therapeutic support, essential for anyone seeking healing and understanding while grieving.

psychotherapy, connections, healing, emotional recovery
Mental Health Personal Growth Uncategorized • • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

The Power of Falling: How Embracing Setbacks Fuel Emotional Healing and Connections

By Psychotherapist Beata Pezacka

Have you ever wondered what keeps making us feel stuck and unable to connect to others authentically?

How embracing setbacks fuel emotional healing and connection

Committing to your emotional healing or recovery is key to forming honest, genuine relationships with oneself and others. However, the recovery process can be challenging with internal barriers such as self-criticism, fear of judgment, and people-pleasing behaviors. The journey to recovery from emotional struggles is complex. You might find that it feels beautiful sometimes, or you might find that it feels unpleasant, happy, sad, challenging, easy, intimate, or vulnerable in others. All of these feelings apply at different times on our journey.  Recovery is a process that doesn’t have a finish line. We keep growing and learning, one day at a time, but do that knowing it will have a ripple effect on our connections with others.

Embracing Vulnerability

Authentic, honest connections with ourselves and others are essential, yet they’re often disrupted by the very mechanisms we use to protect ourselves. Behaviors like people-pleasing and self-criticism, driven by a fear of judgment, are common defensive strategies that create barriers to the very growth-supporting actions we need, such as seeking support from family and friends or pursuing professional therapy in times of intense emotional struggle. Instead of fostering genuine connections, these protective measures often lead us to isolation and loneliness, distancing us further from the possibility of healthy and authentic relationships.

It does take a lot of courage to admit that we need help and feel lonely. Sometimes, we might feel afraid of sharing our fears, dreams, and struggles with others. We are often afraid of being rejected, not liked, or perceived as weak and judged- but that vulnerability is the beginning of healing.

Self-Discovery and Recovery

We live in an intense, competitive society where our worth is based on our achievements. We learn early in life that we must be perfect, “better than’ others, and that being human and making mistakes is wrong.  Some of us might have received messages from childhood that we are not good enough. Messages that trigger self-doubt and questions like “Who am I?” “What do I really want?” or “What do I need?” Without that certainty or clarity, we can easily become lost as we continue to depend on external acceptance and validation.

mood tracker for therapy, counseling

As a result, we might perhaps find ourselves in unhealthy relationships that are conditional and far from being vulnerable or authentic. We might find ourselves engaging in unhealthy, compulsive behaviors, including substance use, binging on food, overspending, etc., to fill the emptiness we feel inside and escape the negative thoughts we have of ourselves. The first step in changing that is looking inside ourselves.

In order to have an authentic relationship with others, we must start by having an authentic relationship with ourselves.

An Approach to Authentic Connections: A Two-Way Street

I want to offer one approach to connection and healing- engaging the body. In my regular yoga practice, I do a lot of balancing poses. At the beginning of my practice, I often felt self-critical and judged myself harshly. I was incredibly worried about what others would think, and I was afraid of being rejected and disliked. I would get wrapped in the bondage of self where my ego takes control.  The crazy thing is, the more I worried, the more I would fall and be off my balance.

Falling was difficult for me because I thought I had to be perfect.

As I’ve grown in my practice, I’ve started accepting the falls with an open heart and mind. Something interesting that also happened is that the more I allowed myself to fall, the more authentic my connection became with others around me. Since we all make mistakes and are not perfect, my class members connected with my imperfection and my vulnerability.  

I realized that it’s ok to fall.

Genuine relationships with others start with being true to oneself.

The Value of Falling

As we walk on the path to recovery, we are allowed to make mistakes, trip, and fall on the way. Through my yoga practice, I realized that falling is not a setback. It is an opportunity to expand your body, check in with yourself to what it needs, where you are too hard on yourself, and allow vulnerability and imperfection.  Listening to what the body tells you requires skill and engaging in emotional healing. Both in yoga and life, when we fall, we have a great opportunity to listen to ourselves, our needs, and what is going on inside. As you do that work to understand yourself better and heal, it will be reflected in external connections.

Emotional takes courage and involves progress, not perfection. We need courage, compassion, and vulnerability, which leads to an authentic connection to self and others, ultimately reaffirming your path to recovery, love, and belonging.

So allow yourself to fall once in a while.

Beata, is one of the many exceptional therapists on the Kensho Psychotherapy Team and this is a great piece on emotional healing. If you need to book a therapy, please leave your details here.

womens retreat, self care, black and brown women self care

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The Power of Inner Child Dialogues

Ever wondered why we react the way we do as adults? 🤔 It might have more to do with our inner child than we realize. In …

Beyond ‘Just Get Over It’: Real Tips for Coping with Grief in a World Demanding Happiness

A compassionate approach to navigating grief beyond the holidays.