The Power of Inner Child Dialogues
by Tabitha Karl, Ph.D
The phrase “new year, new me” is particularly popular within the first quarter of the New Year. Individuals may purchase calendars to become organized and set new goals, clean out the refrigerator, delete the number of an ex-partner, or dispose of old clothing to attempt to have a fresh start. While these behaviors open the door to change, there are underlying causes of how the pattern developed. Very seldom do we ever stop to ask ourselves, what influenced my behavior?
Behavior patterns as an adult vary by person and are often rooted in childhood experiences and trauma. For example, how critical you are of your appearance before leaving the house could be connected to that 8-year-old part of you. That part that is still heartbroken from an experience where your first crush told you that you were ugly. Perhaps you are someone who often rehearses what you need to say before social outings, which is tied to when your second-grade teacher embarrassed you in front of the class, and you were at a loss for words. Maybe you struggle to project your voice as an adult in social settings or leadership roles because your parent told you, “Kids should be seen, not heard.” Experiences become core memories that shape who we are as adults, and our present-day experiences activate those memories or inner child experiences and our core beliefs each time we encounter similar situations.
So how do we fix it?
- We must acknowledge it. The first step to change is to own that there is a problem that
needs to be adjusted.
Exercise: Keep a journal to write down daily activities and experiences that trigger strong thoughts or emotions and reflect on patterns. Do you see any themes? - The next step is understanding it. Reflection is like a mirror. At times, what you see is pretty decent, but your truth may look ugly. Consider when or how you developed this pattern of belief about self and what you were trying to deflect from.
Exercise: Write a letter to yourself at (insert age). What advice would you give your inner child then, knowing what you know now? - If these options seem overwhelming, seek the help of a professional. The key to this step is engaging when you are willing to do the self-searching in order to produce real change.
It is said that it takes 30 days to start a new habit. So why not commit to the deep dive and start exploring what’s behind your response daily for the next few days? You may learn a lot about yourself.
SIGNED THE COUNSELING INTERN T.
Tabitha Karl, Ph.D., currently an intern at Kensho Psychotherapy, offers valuable insights into the role of inner child work in addressing everyday trauma. According to Dr. Karl, it’s not just the trauma itself that affects us; it’s the beliefs we form about ourselves and the world’s safety that can compromise our wellbeing, relationships, and adult life.
An additional tip to reframe your inner dialogue involves practicing self-compassion. When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend. This shift in perspective can significantly alter your response to life’s challenges.
We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please leave a comment below or share this piece with someone who might find it helpful. Your engagement and sharing can make a meaningful difference in someone’s journey of self-discovery and healing.
