Category: EMDR Therapy

EMDR Therapy Therapy • • • • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Why Old Wounds Still Hurt (Even When You Thought You Moved On)

Life spoiler alert.

You can be doing well in your life—career, family, responsibilities—and still find yourself reacting in ways that don’t make sense… aka, acting an emotional fool.

You get triggered.
And suddenly it feels big, emotional, and hard to control, like the world has wronged you, or you’re the one in the wrong and now don’t deserve the best out of life.

It’s like a full throwback moment—everything activating at once like Captain Planet and the Planeteers.
Your thoughts, emotions, old beliefs, overwhelm… all combining like:

“By your powers combined… we are your childhood wounds.”

All of that… from one moment.

Not because what just happened was that serious…
But because something deeper got activated.

When It’s Not Just About What Happened

Here’s what most people don’t realize:

When you’re triggered, you’re not just reacting to what’s happening in that moment; instead, it could be that your mind is reaching for the difficult things you carry that no one sees, but your brain still remembers.

Your reactions have deep stories.

Something in the moment feels familiar, like the tone of a supervisor, the judgmental look of your partner, the way someone responded, or even the feeling of being dismissed. And before you can catch what is happening, your nervous system connects to those older experiences, and unexpected things resurface.

It’s subtle, but powerful.

All of a sudden, it’s not just about the conversation you’re having. It starts to feel like something bigger is at stake. Like you’re not safe. Like you’re about to be embarrassed. Like you’re not enough, your needs don’t matter, or you don’t belong.

And that’s the part that catches people off guard.

Because on the outside, the moment might seem small. But internally, your body is responding to something that feels much more significant. Your brain is pulling from a stored memory—not just the present moment.

That’s a trauma response, friends, and it’s happening more than you realize. That’s why your reaction can feel so strong, so fast, and sometimes even confusing.

How Most People Handle Triggers

Most people fall into one of two patterns:

1. Avoidance

“I don’t want to go there.”
“I’m not dealing with that.”

You avoid the conversation, the feeling, or the person. Sometimes you may even freeze, where you lose your thoughts or words, disconnect from the moment and hardly feel present in your body, or get so overwhelmed with panic, you can’t show up the way you want.

And honestly—this makes sense, because triggers are uncomfortable. However, when you avoid the trigger, you also avoid the healing connected to it.

2. Confronting (but without support)

Some people say:

“I’m ready. I just need to deal with it.”

And that matters.

But going back alone can feel overwhelming or lead to reliving the experience rather than resolving it. You really need a good set of resources to help you emotionally and with the logistics of resolution.

Why You Go From 0 to 100 So Fast

This is the part that’s hard to understand.

Why do I feel like this?
Why did I react like that?
This wasn’t even that serious.
Why can’t I handle this better?

It’s the moment panic creeps in before a meeting.
When it suddenly feels like people are against you.
When you look up and realize it’s been years since you’ve moved toward what you actually want.

And you can’t quite explain how you got there.

Your body responded. Quickly. Quietly. Automatically.

But it wasn’t random.
It was your system pulling from something deeper—an older imprint, a familiar feeling, a moment your body hasn’t fully let go of yet.

So no, you’re not doing too much. You’re responding to more than what’s visible. And when you begin to understand that, something shifts. The question moves from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What is this connected to?” That’s where healing begins. That’s where you start showing up not just as the version of you that copes, but as the version of you that feels grounded, clear, and fully in control of herself again.

Why EMDR Therapy Can Help

And this is the work.

Not just understanding yourself, but actually having the space and support to work through what’s underneath those reactions so they don’t keep showing up the same way.

Because insight alone doesn’t always change the response. You can know exactly why you feel the way you do and still find yourself reacting the same way in the moment.

EMDR therapy helps your brain process what’s been stored, so those triggers don’t hit as hard or take over as quickly. You’re not just talking about it. You’re actually helping your system understand and release it. This is the freedom so many of our clients experience.

When you begin to answer that deeper question, things don’t land the same. You feel more grounded, confident, clear, and more like yourself again.

If you’re ready for that kind of work, we’d love to support you.

Work With Us – Kensho Psychotherapy (Lynbrook, NY)

At Kensho Psychotherapy, we specialize in working with high-functioning adults who feel:

  • Stuck in overthinking
  • Emotionally overwhelmed
  • Reactive in ways they don’t fully understand

We offer:

📍 Located in Lynbrook, NY
💻 Virtual therapy available across New York State

We currently have in-person and virtual therapy openings available.

If you’re ready to stop managing the same patterns and actually work through them, you can reach out to get started.

Common Questions

Who is EMDR therapy for?

EMDR is helpful for individuals dealing with anxiety, trauma, overthinking, self-sabotage, perfectionism, emotional triggers, and patterns that feel hard to break—even when you understand them logically.

Do you offer regular therapy or only intensives?

At Kensho Psychotherapy, we offer both. Many clients work with us for anxiety, stress, relationship challenges, and life transitions through ongoing therapy or choose intensives for more focused work. EMDR is where healing can happen in a shorter period of time.

Do you only work with women?

We primarily work with high-functioning women—especially Black and Brown professionals—but we also see men, couples, and some teens and young adults navigating anxiety, identity, and life in the practice. It’s best to give us a call, and we can discuss your situation and best fit.

Where are you located?

We are based in Lynbrook, NY, and serve clients across Nassau County, Valley Stream, and nearby NYC. We also offer virtual therapy throughout New York State.

Do you accept insurance?

Kensho Psychotherapy accepts insurance for ongoing therapy, including plans such as Aetna, 1199, Northwell Direct, Oxford, UHC, Optum, Cigna, and Lyra. We also work with clients who choose to pay privately.

EMDR intensives are not covered by insurance due to the specialized format and extended session times. These sessions are designed to go deeper in a shorter period of time and are offered as a private pay service.

Current EMDR Intensive rates:

  • $300 for 90 minutes
  • $600 for 3 hours
  • $1200 for 6 hours or a full-day intensive

If you’re unsure what makes the most sense for you, we’re happy to walk you through your options when you reach out.

Want to Learn More First?

If you’d rather understand how EMDR Intensives work before reaching out, you can watch the full video where I break this down in more detail.

👉 What Happens When Your Past Has A Grip On Your Present

If you are ready to book a therapy appointment, just leave your details HERE.

Amanda Fludd is a licensed trauma therapist, executive coach, and the founder of Kensho Psychotherapy in Lynbrook, NY, where she works with high-functioning women navigating anxiety, overthinking, and emotional overwhelm. Her work blends trauma-informed therapy with practical, real-life insight to help clients move beyond coping and into clarity.

She offers EMDR intensives through Kensho Psychotherapy, while her team also provides ongoing therapy for anxiety, stress, relationships, and life transitions.

Book now!!

EMDR Therapy Therapy Trauma • • • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Understanding the Window of Tolerance: Why Therapy Sometimes Feels Hard

Sometimes healing feels harder than we expect. You sit down in therapy, determined to work on yourself, and suddenly you feel overwhelmed by emotions—or, on the other hand, you feel nothing at all. That’s not failure. It’s your nervous system doing what it was designed to do: protect you.

Trauma therapists refer to this as the Window of Tolerance, a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel. You can think about it as your target emotional zone. Our goal is to keep you on the right target- the place where you can safely feel and think without being knocked out by overwhelm or shut down completely when triggered, or stressed.

What Is the Window of Tolerance?

Your brain and body are designed to help you avoid danger at all costs. When the brain and body believe it is in danger (even if it's not accurate) to protect you, your nervous system will automatically kick you into one of these areas:

  • Hyperarousal (too high, aka fight/flight): Anxiety, catastrophic thinking (like something bad will happen), sleep issues, thoughts won’t stop racing, irritable, restless, can't focus, you overwork to avoid feelings. You may look driven and productive, but it's fueled by fear/stress.  May experience tightness in the chest or shoulders, tension in the jaw, stomach, back pain, or other areas of the body, or pain. 


  • Hypoarousal (too low, aka freeze/fawn: You feel numb, detached, stay in bed longer than you want to, avoid calls, procrastinate, shop/drink/smoke to escape feelings, check out emotionally when things get hard, or feel emotionally detached.  Avoidance of trauma themes, focusing on others instead of self, and long silences. Smiling, agreeable, still "on top of things" outwardly - but internally disconnected and drained.  You often hear yourself saying, "I don't know" or "it is what it is." Typically experience brain fog, fatigue, and difficulty moving. 


  • Window of tolerance (Target Zone): You feel grounded, calm, and can manage stress. You can experience insight without intellectualizing, and emotions are expressed without overwhelm. You can maintain a relaxed posture and breathe more slowly, with a willingness to be present and feel.


Most of us have a small window of tolerance—our systems get easily kicked out by stress, triggers, or old trauma patterns. One of the goals of trauma work is to keep you in that target zone where you function the best.

Why Trauma Makes It Harder

When you’ve lived through trauma, your system becomes more alert to danger. Even when the threat is gone, your brain and body act like it’s still here.

That’s why:

  • A simple sound in the night might jolt you awake like an alarm.

  • Raised voices can make you shut down instantly.

  • You swing from overdoing (hyperarousal) to avoiding (hypoarousal).

Neither response means you’re weak, broken, or not normal. They’re built-in protective strategies your nervous system uses to keep you safe.

Why Good Trauma Therapy Matters

Jumping straight into “tell me what happened” can push you outside your window and leave you feeling worse. Good trauma therapy starts by helping you build the skills to stay in your window so you can actually process what happened without retraumatizing yourself.

Think of it like the gym—you can’t expect to lift 20 pounds the first day. You build strength over time. In therapy, we build your emotional muscles: grounding tools, coping strategies, and increasing awareness of your own patterns so you learn, "oh, this is my system telling me I'm out of my window." 

That way, when you’re ready for deeper trauma work, you are more aware to handle the shifts that can occur. 

How EMDR Therapy Fits In

Talk therapy helps you develop insight and coping skills, and can provide new perspectives on challenging experiences. But sometimes, no matter how much you talk, you still feel reactive, triggered, or easily pushed out of your target zone.

That’s because some things are still tucked deep in your “closet,”  and traditional talk therapy can’t always access them.

This is where EMDR therapy, or for those who don't have a lot of time for therapy, or need to work through specific stuck points, EMDR Intensives comes in. With EMDR, we help your brain safely reprocess old trauma so it stops hijacking your present. You don’t have to relive everything—you learn to face the memories without being knocked out of your window.

Signs You Might Be Outside Your Window

  • Feeling on edge or easily startled

  • Snapping, yelling, or becoming defensive

  • Shutting down, avoiding people, or withdrawing

  • Trouble concentrating or making decisions

  • Feeling “too much” (flooded) or “too little” (numb)

  • Struggling with sleep, nightmares, or physical tension

  • Shame about how you react under stress

Building Your Window: Self-Care & Awareness

You can learn to expand your window of tolerance. Start by noticing:

  • What zone am I in? (Too high, too low, or balanced?)
  • What do I feel in my body? (Racing heart? Heavy numbness?)
  • What am I thinking? (Am I catastrophizing? Am I disconnected?)


Take notes on the Window of Tolerance Worksheet HERE. 

Simple practices to reset:

  • Grounding exercises (naming five things you see/hear/feel)

  • Movement (walking, stretching, dancing)

  • Breathwork or prayer

  • Time in community or play (yes, joy is regulation too)

  • Retreat with intention 

Every person’s “reset list” looks different. For some, it’s running, for others, journaling, organizing a closet, or spending time with people who feel safe.

EMDR Intensives: For Deeper Work

If you’ve been putting therapy off because you “don’t have time,” or if you feel stuck in the same patterns even with talk therapy, EMDR Intensives might be right for you. They give you focused time to build skills, stay in your window, and finally process what’s weighing you down.

👉 Learn more about EMDR Intensives here

Next Step: Try This Awareness Exercise

Want to get started today? Download my Window of Tolerance Worksheet—a simple guide to help increase your awareness of how you respond to emotions so you can map out your own zones, notice your triggers, and practice strategies to expand your window. It's a great tool to review with your therapist. 

Download Your Free Window of Tolerance Worksheet

Final Thought

Understanding your Window of Tolerance or how you respond to emotions gives you language for what’s happening in your body and mind. With the right tools and support, you can widen your window, build resilience, and navigate life with greater calm and clarity.

Ready for Trauma Therapy or need a new Trauma Therapist in NYC?

At Kensho Psychotherapy in Lynbrook, we have virtual and in-person appointments serving the NYC area. Booking details can be found here. 


💬 Question for you: Which part of the Window of Tolerance do you most relate to right now—the “too high,” the “too low,” or the target zone in the middle? Or what did you find helpful about this piece? Leave a comment for us! 

black woman breaking up with responsibility
EMDR Therapy Self-Care & Mental Health • • • • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

How to Protect Your Peace in a Relationship That’s Draining You

If you’ve ever felt like a relationship—whether with a partner, family, or even at work—is slowly draining the life out of you, you’re not alone. Many women, especially high-achieving Black and Afro-Caribbean women, come into my therapy office with this exact story. They’re smart, capable, and outwardly successful—but inside they feel exhausted, resentful, and disconnected from themselves.

In my recent video on how to protect your peace in a draining relationship, we dove into practical strategies for creating boundaries and emotional space to protect your peace. But I also want to talk about why so many of us end up here in the first place—and how approaches like EMDR therapy can help untangle the deeper roots of responsibility, expectation, and silence.

Why Women Struggle with Boundaries

For many women of color, the expectation to “hold it all together” starts early. 

You may have been the older sibling tasked with caring for others, the daughter who had to translate for her parents, or the one expected to sacrifice your needs for the family. Those patterns don’t just disappear as you age out of childhood—they follow us into friendships, marriages, work, and our identity. 

Over time, this conditioning makes it hard to say no or to choose yourself. It teaches you to dismiss your own feelings to meet the needs of others. It can leave you feeling stuck, invisible, and sometimes questioning your worth. 

The Cost of Carrying Too Much

Living in this cycle catches up to you. Women I see in therapy often describe:

  • Emotional fatigue – always giving, never replenished.

  • Anxiety and guilt – feeling bad for even wanting space.

  • Identity loss – forgetting who they are outside of roles like caretaker, partner, or leader.

  • Physical stress – headaches, tension, unexplained pains, sleepless nights from carrying unspoken burdens.

These aren’t just “relationship problems.” They are nervous system problems. They’re embedded in the body as patterns of hyper-responsibility, fear of rejection, or deep self-doubt. That’s why talk alone isn’t always enough.

How EMDR Therapy Helps Untangle These Patterns

This is where EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) comes in. Unlike traditional therapy that mainly works through conversation, EMDR helps the brain and body reprocess the old experiences that fuel today’s struggles.

For a woman who grew up being told “don’t speak up” or “don’t be too sensitive,” EMDR can target those core memories. It allows her to release the stuck emotions and rewrite the beliefs that came with them:

  • “I’m always responsible for everyone else.”

  • “I don’t have the right to say no.”

  • “My feelings don’t matter.”

Through EMDR, those constraints begin to loosen. Clients start to internalize new, healthier beliefs:

  • “I can set boundaries without guilt.”

  • “I deserve peace and rest.”

  • “I have value beyond what I give.”

The result isn’t just insight—it’s an actual shift in how the nervous system responds. That means less people-pleasing, less overthinking, and more calm confidence when protecting your peace.


Protecting Your Peace Starts with You

Even if you can’t leave a draining relationship immediately, you can start reclaiming space for yourself:

  • Notice your emotional state daily. If you feel constantly drained or disregulated, that’s a sign to pay attention.

  • Practice small boundaries. Start with a simple “no” or carving out a non-negotiable hour for yourself (or even 2 mins, girl. Start somewhere).

  • Release the silence. Journaling, therapy, or confiding in a trusted friend helps you stop carrying everything alone.

  • Consider EMDR therapy or intensives. If patterns feel too heavy to break on your own, EMDR can be the tool that helps you untangle the deeper roots and step into freedom.

Final Thoughts

Protecting your peace isn’t selfish—it’s a nod to the woman you are becoming. For women who have been conditioned to over-give, it’s also revolutionary. By learning to trust your own feelings, create emotional boundaries, and heal old wounds through approaches like EMDR therapy, you reclaim not just your peace—but your whole self.

📺 Watch the full video here

Ready to explore EMDR therapy? Learn more about traditional therapy and therapy intensives HERE or give us a call to book a consultation: 347-868-7813. 

Make sure to leave us a comment! Some things to reflect on: What stood out from this read? Where in your life are you carrying responsibility that no longer belongs to you? Or what boundary will you set this week to reclaim your energy?

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