Category: Mental Health

elf on the shelf goes to therapy.
Child Therapy Mental Health Stress • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

How to Help Your Kids Manage Holiday Stress (Without Losing Your Cool)

Holidays Aren’t Always Magical for Kids

The holidays are often painted as a magical time for kids, full of joy and potential presents but also full of chaos and stress. And just like us, our kids can feel the weight of all that holiday hustle and stress. Whether it’s the pressure of social events, changes in routine, or simply picking up on your stress, kids need support to navigate this busy season. But don’t worry—we have some actionable tips to help your kids manage holiday stress while creating moments of joy and connection.

Why Are They Melting Down Over Elf on the Shelf?

Kids might not know how to express their holiday stress. They may act out, withdraw, or seem anxious. The reality is your child’s brain is still developing. The part responsible for emotional regulation—the prefrontal cortex—won’t fully mature until they’re around 25 years old. That means their emotional circuits might trip more often than you’d like, especially during the high-stress holiday season. When your child is frustrated, tired, or overwhelmed, start by naming what they might be feeling. For example, say, “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated about all the holiday activities or all that’s happening. Let’s talk about it.” Avoid dismissing their emotions with, “You’re fine.”

Acknowledging your child’s feelings may feel counterintuitive, especially if you didn’t grow up with that experience. But think about this: when you’re frustrated or overwhelmed, do you want someone to tell you to calm down or that your feelings don’t matter? Or do you want to be fully seen and heard?

When you gift your child the space to feel heard and understood, you’re not just helping them—you’re healing generations of trauma.

A simple “I see you’re upset. Let’s work through this together” can go a long way.

Other Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress

Children do best with predictability, even during the holiday chaos. While schedules might shift, keeping core routines like bedtime, meal times, and quiet moments intact can provide a comforting sense of stability.

Instead of striving for Instagram-worthy moments, focus on what truly matters: connection. Simple activities like baking cookies, watching holiday movies, or reading stories together create meaningful memories that outshine the pressure of a perfectly decorated tree or matching outfits.

Remember, your kids are watching how you handle stress. Show them positive coping skills like deep breathing, taking a short walk, or simply saying, “I need a moment to reset.” When they see you manage stress effectively, they’re more likely to mimic those behaviors into adulthood.

Your Kids Need a Calmer, Happier You

The holidays are a great time to model self-care for your kids. One of the best gifts you can give them is a calmer, more connected version of yourself. If you’re ready to prioritize your well-being and build stronger family bonds, therapy can help, and we encourage you to reach out to us and book an appointment.

If you know someone having a hard time through the holidays or who could benefit from this blog, please share this with them—it might be the gift they didn’t know they needed.

Related Read: Encouraging Quotes for Women of Color

quote about starting psychotherapy now, sometimes later becomes never. do it now.
Mental Health NYC Therapist • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Protect Your Mental Health: The Power of Honest Conversations in the Therapy Room

Mental health encompasses more than just our emotions; it’s influenced by our actions, diet, and thoughts. A comprehensive self-care plan can significantly improve your mental well-being by taking inventory of your entire life, honing in on what you’re doing well and where you might need additional support. This plan is a vital tool in therapy, guiding clients toward taking ownership of their mental health.

Creating a self-care plan helps identify gaps in your current routine and highlights areas needing attention. It’s like driving a car; you can only ignore that check engine light for so long.

Get Honest About the Barriers in Therapy

During therapy sessions, we have open, honest conversations about these barriers. Therapist Tamara Dopwell shared this reflection: “When clients identify that their thoughts are the problem, we go further and dig deeper—How often are we thinking negatively? We explore where this behavior was learned.” With honest conversations and the right clinical skills, we can unpack the false narratives that have taken root, something we do with care and compassion for our clients, entering these spaces with curiosity and leaning into the discomfort to dismantle the untruths.

This journey is about reclaiming your power and embracing the dope, transformative process of self-discovery and healing.

quote, sometimes later becomes never. do it now.

Take Action and Start the Journey

If you’re ready to take charge of your mental health, consider booking a session with one of our therapists at Kensho Psychotherapy. We offer virtual appointments and accept various insurances, including Cigna, Aetna, 1199, BCBS, UBH, Oxford, and Northwell Direct. Don’t wait to start your journey toward better mental health. We recognize it’s sometimes difficult to prioritize your needs, but the benefits are well worth it.

Take the first step today. Book a session with our therapists. If you are already in therapy, we encourage you to think about how you can be more honest and open on your journey. It’s not easy, but it will only help with your healing.

psychotherapist, Tamara Dopwell, virtual therapy

Tamara Dopwell, LMSW, is currently a Psychotherapist at Kensho Psychotherapy. We appreciate her work with children, families, and women. If you reside in NY and would like to inquire about therapy, call us at: 347-868-7813.

Mental Health Personal Growth • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

The Power of Inner Child Dialogues

by Tabitha Karl, Ph.D

The phrase “new year, new me” is particularly popular within the first quarter of the New Year. Individuals may purchase calendars to become organized and set new goals, clean out the refrigerator, delete the number of an ex-partner, or dispose of old clothing to attempt to have a fresh start. While these behaviors open the door to change, there are underlying causes of how the pattern developed. Very seldom do we ever stop to ask ourselves, what influenced my behavior?

Behavior patterns as an adult vary by person and are often rooted in childhood experiences and trauma. For example, how critical you are of your appearance before leaving the house could be connected to that 8-year-old part of you. That part that is still heartbroken from an experience where your first crush told you that you were ugly. Perhaps you are someone who often rehearses what you need to say before social outings, which is tied to when your second-grade teacher embarrassed you in front of the class, and you were at a loss for words. Maybe you struggle to project your voice as an adult in social settings or leadership roles because your parent told you, “Kids should be seen, not heard.” Experiences become core memories that shape who we are as adults, and our present-day experiences activate those memories or inner child experiences and our core beliefs each time we encounter similar situations.

So how do we fix it?

  1. We must acknowledge it. The first step to change is to own that there is a problem that
    needs to be adjusted.
    Exercise: Keep a journal to write down daily activities and experiences that trigger strong thoughts or emotions and reflect on patterns. Do you see any themes?
  2. The next step is understanding it. Reflection is like a mirror. At times, what you see is pretty decent, but your truth may look ugly. Consider when or how you developed this pattern of belief about self and what you were trying to deflect from.
    Exercise: Write a letter to yourself at (insert age). What advice would you give your inner child then, knowing what you know now?
  3. If these options seem overwhelming, seek the help of a professional. The key to this step is engaging when you are willing to do the self-searching in order to produce real change.
    It is said that it takes 30 days to start a new habit. So why not commit to the deep dive and start exploring what’s behind your response daily for the next few days? You may learn a lot about yourself.

SIGNED THE COUNSELING INTERN T.


Tabitha Karl, Ph.D., currently an intern at Kensho Psychotherapy, offers valuable insights into the role of inner child work in addressing everyday trauma. According to Dr. Karl, it’s not just the trauma itself that affects us; it’s the beliefs we form about ourselves and the world’s safety that can compromise our wellbeing, relationships, and adult life.

An additional tip to reframe your inner dialogue involves practicing self-compassion. When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend. This shift in perspective can significantly alter your response to life’s challenges.

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please leave a comment below or share this piece with someone who might find it helpful. Your engagement and sharing can make a meaningful difference in someone’s journey of self-discovery and healing.

Mental Health Self Care Therapy • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Beyond ‘Just Get Over It’: Real Tips for Coping with Grief in a World Demanding Happiness

by Therapist Beata Pazacka

As we continue our conversation about grief and loss when others can’t understand our experience, let’s unpack some practical ways to cope with grief, especially when it feels like you’re going through it alone.

REDEFINING GRIEF

As we discussed in Part I of this series, grief is a healthy process and an opportunity to view it as an opportunity for self-discovery. The DSM V-R, the clinical guide that we use as therapists, views grief as a disorder or something we should fix. I have discovered in both my personal and professional experience that the point of grieving is not forgetting and “moving on.” It’s not a thing to “fix.” If we allow it, it becomes part of who we are and our journey. It is something to experience.

Experiencing grief leads to positive life changes and more appreciation and gratitude for the present moment. It allows a balance of emotions and experiences that are both uncomfortable (sadness, anger, fear) and affirmative (acceptance, transformation, maturity).

PERSONAL TIPS FOR COPING WITH GRIEF

Navigating grief is a personal process. Given that, I want to offer a gentler way of personally perceiving grief and joy beyond the holidays. 

1. In order to fully experience grief, it is crucial to develop a relationship with the self. Bessel Van Der Kolk, a prominent trauma therapist, outlines his concept of internal experience in his book, Body Keeps the Score, stating, “Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.”  

Paying attention to what I feel and what I need resonated with me during the holiday season.  

2. I have often caught myself comparing my grief experience to others and tormenting myself with “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” in terms of my feelings and actions. Relief came when I realized there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. Grief just is, and it is a unique experience for me. 

3. Recognize that grief and joy are not mutually exclusive.  

When I am open to the whole experience of grieving, I find a space in my heart for moments of connection and joy. And after all, wouldn’t the grieving person want you to experience joy, whether it be a joyful memory of them or a joyful moment in the present? It is ok to hold space for both at the same time. 

Don’t suffer in silence. Be honest with yourself and others about your needs, even if it is to be alone. Ask yourself, “Do I need time alone to process my grief, or am I simply avoiding others?” “Are there things I need to say? Do I need to ask someone to have a conversation with me about the loss?” Letting the family in takes courage and honesty and asking for support and understanding.  

Remember that you are the owner of your grief. It is your choice how you celebrate or engage with family or friends around the loss. Permit yourself to be you and know that whatever you choose is ok. 

THE BOTTOM LINE

For those of us who have had to reexperience feelings of grief during the Holiday season and are exhausted from being around others or wearing the mask of trying so hard to look “happy,” we see you and encourage you to give yourself what you need. Maybe it’s rest, scheduling a therapy session, or engaging in other healthy coping skills.

Additionally, the grief process is personal, and we invite you to practice self-compassion and kindness toward your own experience of where you are in the process.

We extend our gratitude to Psychotherapist Ms. Pezacka. Her expertise as a member of our mental health therapy team has offered deep insights into the nature of grief. If you’re in search of counseling or therapy to help you cope with grief, or you are looking for a therapist near you, reach out to us at 347-868-7813. 

Your thoughts and experiences matter to us, so we’d love to hear your feedback on this piece in the comments below. 

Mental Health Mindfulness • By AMANDA FLUDD 1 Comment

Setting Yourself Up for Failure? What Not to Do When Pursuing Your New Year’s Goals

As the New Year unfolds, setting goals is customary, just as the ball drops. Often, these are lofty ones, the kind we abandon before January even says goodbye. But what if we flipped the script this year? This year, I want to help you figure out how to create goals that resonate with a plan to achieve them. Keep reading to discover how to set goals you’ll be excited to work on all year.

This year, we will reach into our therapist’s toolbox and try mindful goal setting – a practice that focuses on what we want to achieve and how we want to feel as a means to goal attainment. Approaching goal setting mindfully means staying connected to the present, which forces you to focus on what you can control right now. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the future or constrained by our past, but mindfulness disrupts that process.

Why We Should Set Mindful Goals

Think of setting goals as your life’s GPS; they provide direction and a destination. In therapy, we use goals to address issues effectively. Without direction, it’s easy to go through life on auto-pilot doing all the things we “should,” leading to feeling disconnected, lost, or unhappy because we aren’t working on something purposeful. That’s why I encourage you to set goals – to work on something purposeful for yourself.

Where to Start

Reflect on the areas of your life that were neglected or avoided last year or the things that consistently drained your time and energy. These are clues to areas needing attention, such as health, relationships, or personal growth. Ask yourself, what do you want these areas to look like moving forward?

More Prompts for Goal Writing:

  • Consider specific areas – personal, professional, health, relationships – where setting a goal could lead to positive change.
  • Think about the legacy you want to leave. What goals align with this?
  • Imagine what you could achieve physically, professionally, and financially without fear or limits.

This time of year is a nudge to refocus on what genuinely matters. Set goals that move you in that direction.

Mindful Goal Setting for the New Year

  1. Creating an Intentional Inner Space: Begin in a calm environment. Find a quiet spot, take deep breaths, and center yourself. This helps clear your mind and sets the stage for meaningful goal setting.
  2. Acknowledging and Releasing Emotions: It’s natural to feel overwhelmed or sad when reflecting on the past year or planning ahead. Mindfully recognize these feelings without judgment. Ask yourself, “Where am I now, and what can I do with this moment?” “Is this [thought or emotion] helping me.” This will support you in remaining grounded in the present.
  3. Visualizing Success: Focus on how you want to feel when you achieve your goals. Use your senses to strengthen your connection to these goals, making them more tangible and exciting. This boosts your motivation and makes the journey enjoyable.
  4. Focusing on Small, Manageable Steps: Concentrate on small, achievable steps that support your larger vision. This approach reduces anxiety and makes your goals more attainable.
  5. Making Goals Visual: Create a visual representation of your goals, like a vision board or a detailed description. Include emotions, details, and images that embody your aspirations. Seeing your life with these goals already achieved will fuel your success and maintain your motivation throughout the year.

As we step into this New Year, embrace mindful goal setting. It’s about more than reaching a destination; it’s about enjoying the journey, growing along the way, and aligning with the life you want to live. Let’s make this year not just about unchecked resolutions but a time for meaningful growth and possibilities. 

The journey towards your goals is as important as the destination. It’s about growth, learning, and enjoying each step along the way. We’re here to walk that path with you. Our events are more than just gatherings; they’re incubators for inspiration, motivation, and actionable strategies. Check out the upcoming Vision Board Event in Brooklyn on 1.14.24: https://findyourglow2024.eventbrite.com

Our services are tailored to help you maintain focus, overcome obstacles, and celebrate every victory, big or small. Looking for a therapist book here. 

Keep striving, keep growing, and remember, we’re here to support you in every way we can. Let’s make this year unforgettable.

Warm regards-Amanda Fludd, Psychotherapist, Writer & Coach 

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