The Guilt That Hides in High Performance...
Let’s be honest. High-achieving black women are masters at pushing through.
We lead. We build. We mother. We solve the problem before it’s spoken. And we do it with excellence. But somewhere behind the accolades, the calendar invites, the late-night client calls or pitch decks… is a quiet voice that says:
- “You should have created that thing already.”
- “You need to be more consistent.”
- “You’re late to the game.”
That voice? It sounds like discipline or encouragement. But it’s often shame wearing a business suit and comfy shoes.
However, to reach a higher version of ourselves, we must shift certain narratives and release shame and self-criticism.
Why Grace Is a Leadership Skill
In our latest episode of the Grace, Growth & Business podcast, we spoke about the tension between wanting to move faster and needing to move with intention.
We talk about:
- How to reset without shame after starting and stopping (yes, even your podcast or content plan
) - The myth of being behind and how it quietly undermines women of color in leadership
- Why guilt blocks growth—and how grace unlocks sustainable success
This isn’t about giving up structure. It’s about choosing self-compassion over self-punishment so your growth becomes deeper, not just louder.
Your Business Growth Is Personal Growth
Whether you’re a coach, therapist, entrepreneur, consultant—or a corporate leader building your next chapter—guilt is one of the most common emotional roadblocks I see in brilliant women. And I want to slow it down and name something for you:
Guilt says, “I did something wrong.”
It carries an invisible weight, a subtle sense of failure. It whispers that you're responsible for everything going off track—your timeline, your goals, your team, your family.
And that quiet sense of over-responsibility? It often comes from a deeper story.
So when guilt shows up, I’m always curious:
What did life teach you that made you become the woman who feels responsible for everyone and everything? Or WHO told you to carry that guilt?
What experiences, expectations, or identities are being triggered underneath the surface?
Because guilt, when left unchecked, can become a psychological prison. It stalls momentum. It turns every missed deadline into a character flaw. It locks you into cycles of overthinking and shame. And most dangerously? It convinces you that grace is a luxury instead of a leadership skill.
One Powerful Way to Practice Grace (That Might Just Change Everything)
Can I coach you for a second? I'm going to imagine you are nodding yes and offer you some questions to help you rethink a few things.
Let’s build on the reflection I gave in the podcast:
Instead of just asking “What is this moment teaching me?” — try dialing it back even further.
Ask yourself: “Why do I feel this way in the first place?”
It may not be clear at first—but take a second. Was it something external that triggered you? Did you miss an opportunity, fall short on your own goals, or say something in a meeting that didn’t land the way you wanted?
Now ask: What telenovela episode did your mind create around that moment?
(Yes, I said what I said. Because the drama our minds can invent? Whew.!
What was your interpretation of the event?
Did it mean you’re not good enough? Irresponsible? Not ready?
That interpretation is gold. It’s the script that’s activating your guilt. It’s the message that got embedded in your system and started running the show.
So here’s the deeper reflection:
Is that belief actually true—or is it just an old story you’re still carrying?
This is hard to do alone, but it’s where the shift happens. When you learn how to tune into your emotional responses and examine the why behind them, that’s when real change begins. That’s how you stop reacting from guilt and start leading with clarity or what you value.
And inside the latest Grace, Growth & Leadership episode, I walk you through more of those aligned actions—what it looks like to actually move forward without shame weighing you down.
Catch it on YouTube or your favorite podcast platform.
The Bottom Line
You don’t need to hustle for grace—you need to give yourself permission to receive it.
You’re not behind. You’re evolving.
You’re not scattered. You’re recalibrating.
And if you’re building a business, leading a team, or preparing to share your voice more boldly—grace isn’t optional. It’s the foundation.
Does This Speak to You?
If you’re tired of the internal struggle between self and expectations, reach out and let's chat about how I can support you.
For my business builders, we also have an excellent space for you, the Couch to Business Collective—a membership community designed for women of color who are ready to lead differently, increase their visibility in their business, and work on a few emotional roadblocks along the way — we've got you.
Learn More + Visit the Collective
Question for you: Which part of the Window of Tolerance do you most relate to right now—the “too high,” the “too low,” or the target zone in the middle? Or what did you find helpful about this piece? Leave a comment for us! 
Watch the full video here
