What Anxious Attachment Looks Like in Relationships
Attachment styles are based on a theory that your early connections in childhood with your caregivers directly impact how you approach relationships today. If we – as children – believe that our needs cannot and won’t be met by those closest to us, we are likely to exhibit attachment issues throughout our lives.
It’s an intriguing psychological framework to make sense of why you behave the way you do in intimate relationships and even at work. Yes, attachment patterns can impact our daily lives beyond our family.
A lack of attunement or connection between parent and child can contribute to anxious attachments in adulthood, which is the focus of this blog. Anxiety is one of the most common experiences, with 1 in 13 people worldwide experiencing anxiety, including children. Those who tend to be more anxious and worry extensively about relationships are probably engaged in an anxious attachment style.
Anxious Attachment Style
People with this attachment style are often insecure in their relationships, with a high need for reassurance from their partners to know that they are still wanted or loved.
This style of attachment can also show up as:
· Overthinking and analyzing what others say or do
· Negative view of themselves and anxious or stressed out about how others perceive them
· Overinvested in relationships (at work and outside of that)
· Worry that you are “too much” or need alot from others
· Strong fear of rejection and evaluation
· Sensitivity to abandonment or being left out
· Trouble working independently and a heavy dependence on their partner or team to finish tasks
· Often feel underappreciated or dissatisfied
The Power of Anxious Thinking
Our thoughts (in this cause anxious thoughts and overthinking), can impact how we feel and respond. We often don’t realize this dynamic is quickly happening in our minds.
Where do I go from here?
If you recognize these issues in yourself or someone you love, the good news is attachment styles can change with time, effort and support. Self-development starts with awareness and approaching yourself with self-compassion and not criticism.
Some tips to continue to strengthen how you show up in relationships:
- Continue to look for patterns of responding or shutting down. Write them down. Being mindful of them will make it easier to shift how you respond.
- Work on it with your partner
- Realize that past experiences do not have to hold you emotionally hostage
- Develop new ways of communicating and asking for what you need. The more you can express what you need, like saying I need regular reassurance, the more empowered you can feel
Amanda Fludd,LCSW-R is a licensed Psychotherapist, Corporate Trainer, and Mindset Coach to support the mind of the woman behind the business. In all avenues of life we have to learn to navigate fear and get to the root of our anxiety.
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