Category: Trauma

NYC Therapist Personal Growth Therapy Trauma • • • • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

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Trauma & PTSD Therapy in NYC, NY & Long Island, NY Heal the past, settle into the present, and reclaim your life.

Trauma therapy for adults dealing with trauma, performance anxiety, overwhelming stress, growing up the oldest, Caribbean parents, or with PTSD. Therapy for trauma is offered in person in Lynbrook, NY, and online across New York City and New York State, and EMDR Trauma Intensives.

I’m Ready.

Feeling stuck?

Living with trauma can feel like you’re trapped in a cycle your mind understands, but your body won’t let go of.

You may be doing “all the right things” — praying, journaling, talking it out, even going to therapy — and still feel triggered, overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally shut down. That’s because trauma doesn’t only live in your thoughts. Trauma lives in the nervous system.

And when your nervous system is still on alert, it can feel like you’re always bracing for something — even when nothing is happening.

This is why trauma symptoms often show up as:

  • chronic body tension or pain

  • anxiety or panic responses

  • difficulty sleeping or staying asleep

  • feeling constantly on edge or emotionally shut down

  • irritability, reactivity, or sudden overwhelm

  • feeling disconnected from yourself or others

    Book an appointment

Many people don’t realize they’re dealing with trauma symptoms because it doesn’t always look like flashbacks or start with the typical events like sexual abuse or physical abuse.

It can look like:

  • people-pleasing, perfectionism, or over-functioning

  • feeling numb, disconnected, or emotionally “flat”

  • trouble sleeping, nightmares, or waking up tired

  • chronic tension in the body (tight chest, jaw, shoulders, stomach)

  • feeling unsafe in relationships — even when someone hasn’t done anything wrong

  • intrusive memories or racing thoughts

  • trouble with authority or communicating needs without hurting others

You may look “high-functioning” on the outside, but inside, you feel exhausted. On edge. Guarded. Or like you’re only half-living.

You deserve more than survival mode.

If you’ve been searching for trauma therapy near a trauma therapist who understands the mind-body connection, or me, growing up Caribbean or the black experience, you’re not alone, and support is available with our practice, Kensho Psychotherapy Services, with virtual and in-person therapy available. Healing doesn’t require reliving the past. It requires the right approach, good coping tools, at the right pace, with the right support.  Whether it is traditional psychotherapy or EMDR therapy, which changes your relationship to trauma. 

Trauma therapy and EMDR Intensives in Long Island, NY, help you change that relationship and feel more in control of your life.

For details on booking your next therapy session, start here.

Additional Reads:

What Got You This Far, Can’t Carry You

Dear Self, It’s Not Time to Panic Journal  

How EMDR Therapy Helps Untangle These Patterns

EMDR Therapy Therapy Trauma • • • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Understanding the Window of Tolerance: Why Therapy Sometimes Feels Hard

Sometimes healing feels harder than we expect. You sit down in therapy, determined to work on yourself, and suddenly you feel overwhelmed by emotions—or, on the other hand, you feel nothing at all. That’s not failure. It’s your nervous system doing what it was designed to do: protect you.

Trauma therapists refer to this as the Window of Tolerance, a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel. You can think about it as your target emotional zone. Our goal is to keep you on the right target- the place where you can safely feel and think without being knocked out by overwhelm or shut down completely when triggered, or stressed.

What Is the Window of Tolerance?

Your brain and body are designed to help you avoid danger at all costs. When the brain and body believe it is in danger (even if it's not accurate) to protect you, your nervous system will automatically kick you into one of these areas:

  • Hyperarousal (too high, aka fight/flight): Anxiety, catastrophic thinking (like something bad will happen), sleep issues, thoughts won’t stop racing, irritable, restless, can't focus, you overwork to avoid feelings. You may look driven and productive, but it's fueled by fear/stress.  May experience tightness in the chest or shoulders, tension in the jaw, stomach, back pain, or other areas of the body, or pain. 


  • Hypoarousal (too low, aka freeze/fawn: You feel numb, detached, stay in bed longer than you want to, avoid calls, procrastinate, shop/drink/smoke to escape feelings, check out emotionally when things get hard, or feel emotionally detached.  Avoidance of trauma themes, focusing on others instead of self, and long silences. Smiling, agreeable, still "on top of things" outwardly - but internally disconnected and drained.  You often hear yourself saying, "I don't know" or "it is what it is." Typically experience brain fog, fatigue, and difficulty moving. 


  • Window of tolerance (Target Zone): You feel grounded, calm, and can manage stress. You can experience insight without intellectualizing, and emotions are expressed without overwhelm. You can maintain a relaxed posture and breathe more slowly, with a willingness to be present and feel.


Most of us have a small window of tolerance—our systems get easily kicked out by stress, triggers, or old trauma patterns. One of the goals of trauma work is to keep you in that target zone where you function the best.

Why Trauma Makes It Harder

When you’ve lived through trauma, your system becomes more alert to danger. Even when the threat is gone, your brain and body act like it’s still here.

That’s why:

  • A simple sound in the night might jolt you awake like an alarm.

  • Raised voices can make you shut down instantly.

  • You swing from overdoing (hyperarousal) to avoiding (hypoarousal).

Neither response means you’re weak, broken, or not normal. They’re built-in protective strategies your nervous system uses to keep you safe.

Why Good Trauma Therapy Matters

Jumping straight into “tell me what happened” can push you outside your window and leave you feeling worse. Good trauma therapy starts by helping you build the skills to stay in your window so you can actually process what happened without retraumatizing yourself.

Think of it like the gym—you can’t expect to lift 20 pounds the first day. You build strength over time. In therapy, we build your emotional muscles: grounding tools, coping strategies, and increasing awareness of your own patterns so you learn, "oh, this is my system telling me I'm out of my window." 

That way, when you’re ready for deeper trauma work, you are more aware to handle the shifts that can occur. 

How EMDR Therapy Fits In

Talk therapy helps you develop insight and coping skills, and can provide new perspectives on challenging experiences. But sometimes, no matter how much you talk, you still feel reactive, triggered, or easily pushed out of your target zone.

That’s because some things are still tucked deep in your “closet,”  and traditional talk therapy can’t always access them.

This is where EMDR therapy, or for those who don't have a lot of time for therapy, or need to work through specific stuck points, EMDR Intensives comes in. With EMDR, we help your brain safely reprocess old trauma so it stops hijacking your present. You don’t have to relive everything—you learn to face the memories without being knocked out of your window.

Signs You Might Be Outside Your Window

  • Feeling on edge or easily startled

  • Snapping, yelling, or becoming defensive

  • Shutting down, avoiding people, or withdrawing

  • Trouble concentrating or making decisions

  • Feeling “too much” (flooded) or “too little” (numb)

  • Struggling with sleep, nightmares, or physical tension

  • Shame about how you react under stress

Building Your Window: Self-Care & Awareness

You can learn to expand your window of tolerance. Start by noticing:

  • What zone am I in? (Too high, too low, or balanced?)
  • What do I feel in my body? (Racing heart? Heavy numbness?)
  • What am I thinking? (Am I catastrophizing? Am I disconnected?)


Take notes on the Window of Tolerance Worksheet HERE. 

Simple practices to reset:

  • Grounding exercises (naming five things you see/hear/feel)

  • Movement (walking, stretching, dancing)

  • Breathwork or prayer

  • Time in community or play (yes, joy is regulation too)

  • Retreat with intention 

Every person’s “reset list” looks different. For some, it’s running, for others, journaling, organizing a closet, or spending time with people who feel safe.

EMDR Intensives: For Deeper Work

If you’ve been putting therapy off because you “don’t have time,” or if you feel stuck in the same patterns even with talk therapy, EMDR Intensives might be right for you. They give you focused time to build skills, stay in your window, and finally process what’s weighing you down.

👉 Learn more about EMDR Intensives here

Next Step: Try This Awareness Exercise

Want to get started today? Download my Window of Tolerance Worksheet—a simple guide to help increase your awareness of how you respond to emotions so you can map out your own zones, notice your triggers, and practice strategies to expand your window. It's a great tool to review with your therapist. 

Download Your Free Window of Tolerance Worksheet

Final Thought

Understanding your Window of Tolerance or how you respond to emotions gives you language for what’s happening in your body and mind. With the right tools and support, you can widen your window, build resilience, and navigate life with greater calm and clarity.

Ready for Trauma Therapy or need a new Trauma Therapist in NYC?

At Kensho Psychotherapy in Lynbrook, we have virtual and in-person appointments serving the NYC area. Booking details can be found here. 


💬 Question for you: Which part of the Window of Tolerance do you most relate to right now—the “too high,” the “too low,” or the target zone in the middle? Or what did you find helpful about this piece? Leave a comment for us! 

Intimacy, communication, anxious
Couples Therapy Personal Growth Trauma By AMANDA FLUDD 1 Comment

Do We Need Therapy? Couples Edition.

The secret’s out, therapy can be a life-changing experience for individuals and couples navigating new or established relationships. Couples therapy aims to help a couple improve or better understand their style of relating and connecting. Healthy relationships don’t necessarily just happen; it results from applying skills like boundaries and practical communication approaches, which sometimes requires a professional.  

Couples therapy can be helpful because an objective party can potentially close the gap between you and your partner. It can be used for new couples, couples preparing for marriage, married couples, and even couples considering divorce.

Why should you participate in couples therapy?

Communication. The number one reason most couples go to therapy is for support with communication. As you may know, communication is a key element in any relationship’s success, but especially for intimate relationships.  

Have you ever had a conversation with your partner that immediately turned to arguments or quickly escalated into a shouting match? Maybe you’ve left an encounter feeling manipulated or dismissed? Or worse, feeling alone or disappointed with the quality of your relationship. 

That is where couple’s therapy can come in to lend the tools to navigate the intense emotions that come into communication dynamics. The goals are to help create space to explore more understanding and empathy between partners and foster fulfilling partnerships. For minority couples, therapy is an excellent resource for validating the black and brown experience, with opportunities to experience restorative conversations. 

For example, historically, many Black men have learned messages that certain emotions are not ok to express and are a sign of weakness. This is similar for many minority groups who culturally may not have been taught how to be vulnerable or have that role modeled in their lives. Black women may be more open with their emotions but are also taught to be superwomen and hide their struggles, even when overwhelmed and falling apart. These dynamics within a relationship can easily lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.  

Expressing your feelings doesn’t diminish your masculinity or weaken your strength as a woman

You need to know that expressing yourself doesn’t diminish your masculinity or weaken your strength as a woman. Relationship dynamics can challenge that at times, and we can’t stress enough, you are not alone in that experience.  

Trauma. Trauma is a profound loss of control. By the time we come into adulthood, most of us have had to experience at least two traumatic events, if not more. Events such as a significant loss, experiencing a parent incarcerated or subjected to alcohol or substance use, sexual trauma, lingering intergenerational family trauma, witnessing community trauma, experiencing abuse or neglect.  

Trauma directly impacts our ability to trust and connect with others. It affects intimacy, one’s ability to know and express your emotions, and even your ability to be emotionally available to others. Couples therapy can be a valuable tool for couples where one or both partners are looking to heal. 

Passion/ Sex Related Issues. Sex is still a taboo topic in most cultures and most relationships. Couples who struggle in the bedroom need not be ashamed. Many factors can affect a couple’s sex life. At times there are emotional aspects of that (such as trauma mentioned above or other fears or anxieties) that can be addressed with the support of a couple’s therapist. 

Intimacy

Infidelity. Infidelity often alters the trajectory of a relationship and can lead to issues related to trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. Many couples seek therapy as a sincere effort to save the relationship and heal from the damage infidelity can cause, or even to resolve these issues and amicably separate.  

While there are many other reasons to engage in couple’s therapy, like boundary issues, differing parenting styles, navigating the health of a spouse, finances or just wanting core skills to support your relationship- whatever the reason it can be especially validating to hear from a professional.  

If you are experiencing any of the above or other relationship concerns, please contact the practice as we have several openings for couples. Additionally, keep an eye out for future couples’ workshops hosted at Kensho Psychotherapy Services, where couples can come together to learn tips and strategies to make their relationships stronger. 

Written by Alyssa Heavens, MFT Intern and edited by Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R, Psychotherapist, Clinical Supervisor & Mental Health Consultant 

Communication Minority Mental Health Self-improvement Trauma • • By AMANDA FLUDD 1 Comment

What Power Do Words Have?

The current state of African Americans in this country has reached a boiling point. If we didn’t want to acknowledge that there was a need for therapy before, we certainly cannot ignore it anymore! We have seen, heard, read, and even have our own stories to tell when it comes to being unfairly mistreated. For this very reason, last week we held a “gathering” that included a panel of talented men and women that shared their experiences and how we can become unstuck and unbothered by what we are being faced with. 

The conversation began with understanding the power of words. When we were younger we heard the childhood comeback,”Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. That statement is so far from the truth I can’t believe we used to say it. What about the command “children should be seen and not heard”? How many conversations did you not have because of those words? How many painful secrets have you kept?  Words can heal, contribute to shame, build up, or even break down a person’s spirit. Once we realize the power in our words, we can understand how to use them for growth and encouragement. The power of words can change your life. Affirmations are a great way to begin your day to build yourself up to be able to handle whatever life may throw at you. Building yourself up is extremely important because you cannot pour from an empty glass. 

From there “the gathering” shifted the conversation to a macro level, exploring systems in this country and its subtle (or direct) cumulative bias messages, practices and policies. Often people make reference to the system not working and being considered “broken”. Our panelists brought to attention the fact that the system is “working” according to the way it was designed. Have you ever thought about that? Consider the 13th Amendment of the constitution where “blacks” were supposed to be included in the statement, “We the People”. This implies that before this amendment “We” were not considered “the People”. What are those words saying there? Consequently, the entire system was designed to work for “the People” that were originally included. That is the issue with systematic racism, it’s been engrained for a long time, and the actions related to those ideas are often automatic and unconscious. Change requires that the system is dissected by reevaluating our current and longstanding narratives and rebuilding systems as a whole. Systems, in this case, are larger institutions like the education system or the culture of policing, and big business where minorities remain exactly that. Last but not least, we are all responsible for looking at ourselves regardless of the shade of our skin.   

A catalyst for reform came after the video of George Floyd. For centuries we have seen African Americans abused and mistreated, but what made that our breaking point? One idea that was introduced for discussion was the fact that due to the pandemic, we were sheltered in place and already frustrated with that experience, and there was little else to focus on. The pandemic had forced everyone to slow down and pay attention. We had just learned of Ahmad Aubry, and one more black injustice was enough! It triggered an instinctual trauma reaction, fight, flee or freeze. Many decided to fight.  Secondary trauma can have just as much as an impact as experiencing trauma yourself. Everytime you turn on the news you can’t help but see the replays of a man losing his life, protests throughout the world, additional videos of unjust treatment, insensitive comments by “the people”, plus the effects of the pandemic. Perhaps enough is enough.

AffirmSo what can we do about how we are feeling? Let’s talk about it. Mental health should be viewed the same as going for a well check. The mind is a powerful thing and should be cared for the same as a stomach ache. Make no mistake witnessing a trauma is just as powerful as being a victim and racial trauma is complex and has been experienced for generations. The impact is lodged in our bodies and our minds. The signs of too much stress may look like: anxiety, irritability, trouble sleeping, distrust, emotional and social withdrawal, fatigue, wild dreams and periods of unexplained sadness. It’s a challenging experience that will continue to be challenged over the next few months. If left unaddressed it can compromise your emotional and physical well-being.

So if you are unsure about your experiences or have questions about what you feel, consider speaking with a therapist to help you work through your emotions. You can also grab the free Unstuck and Unbothered Guide here. Inspired by the recent webinar on the power of your words, this guide takes the time to explore what you are saying to yourself, how to shift it, and speak in ways others can hear you, while listening with empathy as you take proactive steps to change the narrative of your life. It is a reminder that our words have power and there is a need to keep that in the forefront of our minds. 

Kensho Psychotherapy Services is here to offer support and help through your difficult time. Mindset Coaching is also available for dynamic women of color in business who need of a boost in their lives. Amanda Fludd has helped hundreds of women find their power, courage and confidence to be their authentic selves both in their professional and personal lives. If you aren’t sure what you need, that’s ok, send us an inquiry at support@amandafludd.com. 

For more information visit our site:  www.amandafludd.com

A special thank you to the Unbothered and Unstuck Panelists: Jennell Smith, Singer and Song Writer on IG  @jlatoymusic; Tamara Dopwell, LMSW, Activist & Socially Conscious Tee Shirt Designer at: http://www.designsbytee3.com; And Mr. Richard Celestine, ESQ, and advocate for Juvenile Justice on IG@the_inspirational_lawyer and LinkedIn: www.LinkedIn.com/in/richard-celestin

Anxiety Minority Mental Health Stress Therapy Trauma By AMANDA FLUDD 1 Comment

Mental Health Problems Don’t Affect Me

Right about now, it affects everyone. Mental health has always been a taboo subject particularly in minority communities, until now. A lack of understanding by families, friends, and individuals, alongside a fear of being associated with the stigma of mental illness have created roadblocks to mental health. Words like disturbed, sad, broken, crazy or lazy come into the mix, but all of the above is FALSE! Mental health is all about the wellbeing of the brain, and since we all own one, it’s an issue for all of us.

The health of our minds is associated with things like genetics (depression and the impact of trauma runs in families), environmental stressors (like a pandemic or witnessing injustice), social (role ambiguity, poor relationships), or cultural factors (norms, beliefs). The behaviors or responses associated with mental illness can’t be ignored, and isn’t any one person’s fault. However, unless we are proactive in addressing the evident mental health needs associated with the pandemic and recent events, there will be enormous long-term consequences for everyone. 

Similar to any other health condition, it is important that we take care of our mental health, and do our part to protect it.  You would be surprised at how simple it is to get grounded, recharge, and reclaim your mental health. Read more

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