Category: Self Care

what it means to take up space as a woman of color

Confidence Personal Development Self Care Black Women August 2, 2024 By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

The Art and Practice of Taking Up Space: A Journey for Women of Color

Taking up space means giving yourself permission to express your thoughts, feelings, boundaries, and anything else that feels authentic to you. It’s about rewriting cultural norms that have confined you to a prison of “shoulds” and “need-tos,” pulling you away from deeply trusting yourself.

Why is Taking Up Space Hard?

For many women of color, taking up space is challenging due to societal pressures and cultural expectations. We are often taught to be obedient and submissive and serve others, usually learning it is ok to put our needs last and rarely voice our concerns about that. In addition, external power struggles and internalized beliefs, particularly when intertwined with trauma, make it difficult to see our value and accept the attention that comes with taking up space.

If you are of a marginalized identity, you might find yourself making an effort to fit in and not be “found out.” This could manifest in various ways, like avoiding negotiating at work, accepting the opinions of others even though it makes no damn sense, allowing those in perceived authority to interrupt you, or swallowing your thoughts and emotions in relationships for fear of conflict. There are countless subtle ways that shrinking back, playing safe, or remaining hidden can appear in your life, often without conscious awareness.

The world (and sometimes our own narrative) has often conditioned us to believe that it’s safer to be small and quiet as women. But as we’ve come to understand, shrinking to fit into preconceived molds only serves to disrupt our potential.

Why Practice is Essential

In the Mindset Collective, our membership community for women of color, we explore the importance of practicing the concept of taking up space. (Join us here!) By actively engaging with this idea, we start to unravel the limitations placed on us by societal expectations and personal insecurities. This is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment that requires consistent effort and practice.

The practice of taking up space is about more than just being seen and heard. It’s about reclaiming our right to exist fully and authentically. Life presents us with unexpected challenges, and by practicing the art of taking up space, we equip ourselves with the tools to not just survive but thrive.

Consider Simone Biles, who honored her emotions by withdrawing from the Tokyo Olympics to prioritize her mental health. Her decision, initially met with criticism, was a powerful statement of self-awareness and self-care.

Fast-forward to this year’s Olympics in Paris, where she returned with renewed confidence and strength and dominated her field. Biles’ journey teaches us that taking up space often requires making bold choices that honor our well-being.

Similarly, Sha’Carri Richardson faced intense scrutiny and judgment, grappling with personal challenges and public expectations. Her journey back to the track was marked by resilience and growth. Richardson returned with a powerful presence, embodying both humility and strength. Her story is a reminder that taking up space sometimes means confronting our mistakes and emerging stronger.

Even Kamala Harris, as Vice President, navigates the complexities of her role in a landscape that often tries to minimize the voices of women of color. Her journey represents the ongoing challenge of taking up space in positions of power and influence.

I’m personally looking forward to the 2024 Olympics and the Track and Field events, where we get to see the resilience and strength of athletes like Richardson. Their stories inspire us to rise above the challenges that try to subdue us as women, especially those of us who are marginalized.

How Can We Take Up Space?

So, how do we take up space? Taking up space is about more than physical presence; it’s about asserting your right to be seen and heard in a world that often tries to silence you. It’s intentional acts that need to be practiced.

Here are a few ways you can start practicing this concept:

Embrace Your Emotions: Don’t shy away from expressing how you feel. Whether it’s joy, anger, or sadness, acknowledging and voicing your emotions is a powerful act of self-validation.
Speak Up: Whether in a meeting, a social gathering, or even online, practice sharing your thoughts and ideas. Your voice matters, and your perspective is valuable.
Set Boundaries: Protect your energy and time by establishing clear boundaries. Where do you need to set a boundary in your life today? Create an action step for it.
Rest: Knowing when it’s time to pull back and restore your energy is also key. We don’t always have to keep pushing (or at least out loud). Take time to give yourself what you need so you can thrive when the opportunity comes.

Now, it’s your turn. How are you taking up space in your life? Share your experiences or intentions in the comments. I would love to see the different ways we practice taking up space.

Amanda Fludd Psychotherapist, Mental Health Expert, Dynamic Speaker, Business Coach

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women leaders and entrepreneurs. Her joy is tackling mental health on multiple platforms and you can learn more about her at: http://www.amandafludd.com.

Related Reads: How to Dismantle the Doubts

How Black and Brown Women Can Rediscover Themselves

womens retreat, self care, black and brown women self care

Mindfulness Self Care Women empowerment Self-Care • Womens Retreat February 6, 2024 By AMANDA FLUDD 1 Comment

Reclaiming Stillness: How Black and Brown Women Can Rediscover Themselves

It’s easy to lose sight of our goals and values when we’re busy on the move chasing our list of expectations and responsibilities. Most of us can do it with our eyes closed on autopilot.

Autopilot is the opposite of awareness.

Autopilot is where we go when we are tired of how hard it is to be successful in this country. It’s where the familiar is dialed up, but our minds are practically on mute, not engaged with driving to work, leading teams, cleaning the house, ubering the kids to their activities, or binging shows on the couch at 1:58 am. For black and brown women, it can be our haven from power struggles and being “the only” in the room, but it’s also where we lose ourselves.

Something about it feels good, but something also feels so far from the self you want to be. So how do we find her again? How do we come back into awareness and reconnect to something that gives us life? This is where the importance of self-care for Black and Brown women becomes a necessity.

Switching Off Autopilot: The Journey Back to Self

Learn how to do nothing.

It is a scary concept to embrace when we’ve established that success only comes by hard work. We are constantly in motion, in what feels like a never-ending loop where achievement is idolized, and being busy is flaunted as a mark of distinction. Instead, I wan’t to offer the profound strength found in the practice of retreating to a place of pause.

You should try something: picture yourself stepping into a quiet space, away from all the noise, where you can deepen your thought process and listen to your heart. Instituting periods of pause isn’t about running away; it’s about running toward a deeper understanding of your aspirations and dreams. Feeling connected and powerful again lies in asking ourselves if we’re living in alignment with our true selves—and having the courage to adjust our sails if we’re not.

From Historical Figures to Us: The Essential Retreat

Historical and spiritual narratives remind us of the importance of this practice. Take Jesus, for example. Amid his teachings and miracles, he found it essential to retreat to the Garden of Gethsemane. This wasn’t a timeout but a deliberate choice to reconnect, reassess, and recharge. If such a moment was crucial for him, why wouldn’t it be for us? It’s a compelling reminder that taking time to realign and refill is beneficial and necessary.

Filling Your Cup

So, when was the last time you allowed yourself this kind of retreat? When did you last recognize the signs of burnout or disconnect and decide to do something about it? We’re talking about stepping back to fill your cup, to rediscover yourself, to ensure you are not just moving but moving in the right direction with your tank full and spirits high.

Remembering who you are, or intentionally trying to discover that, is a radical act of care. The premise is what led us to create the Renew Connect Restore Annual Retreat, especially for Black and Brown women. We know firsthand the transformative impact of retreats. Retreats are not escapes but vital experiences for growth, deep reflection, and the joy of rediscovery, surrounded by similar women pouring into you. With workshops on leadership, health, entrepreneurship, identity, mental well-being, and finding one’s purpose, we offer a safe emotional space to release the responsibilities and rest, find inspiration, and enjoy whatever location we retreat to. This year, its Bali.

Intentionally building quiet moments into our lives allows us to stop, think, and connect with what we genuinely want. This habit helps us sift through the chaos, identifying what genuinely matters to us versus what keeps us busy.

Practicing A Retreat to Pause to Rediscover Self

Here are a few journal prompts to guide you:

What’s been taking up most of my headspace, and how can stepping back help me see clearer?
Where am I out of alignment with my core values when considering my personal and professional life?
What does ‘filling my cup’ look like, and who or what can help me achieve that?
Reflect on your current commitments and tasks. Which tasks need my immediate attention, and which ones can I let go of or don’t need to worry about at all? I’ll think about the power and freedom in simply saying no. What can I delegate or cut out of my schedule to make space for the things that truly matter to me? How will clearing this clutter help me zero in on the projects and goals aligning with my deeper purpose?
What can I commit to in the next three months, this month, and even today that can help me discover what fuels my joy?

These exercises is an opportunity to connect you back to living a present, bold, and audacious life. It’s your reminder to navigate what is in your control and wake up to this experience called your life.

An Invitation to Nurture Yourself

Ready to carve out that much-needed space for yourself? We’re extending an open invitation to you. Join our community and stay informed about our retreats, workshops, and other experiences designed with your growth and restoration in mind. Subscribe to our mailing list, and let’s continue this growth journey together.

How are you going to work on rediscovering yourself?

Amanda Fludd, therapist, speaker, mindset coach

Other great reads: Actionable Steps to Overcome Anxiety

The Self Love Journal For Women

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is addressing mental health on multiple levels, from the boardroom to stages with dynamic keynote speeches to therapy on the couch. Her workshops target self-care for black and brown women who lead.

Amanda Fludd

LCSW-R

Mental Health Self Care Therapy grief • How to cope with grief January 11, 2024 By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Beyond ‘Just Get Over It’: Real Tips for Coping with Grief in a World Demanding Happiness

by Therapist Beata Pazacka

As we continue our conversation about grief and loss when others can’t understand our experience, let’s unpack some practical ways to cope with grief, especially when it feels like you’re going through it alone.

REDEFINING GRIEF

As we discussed in Part I of this series, grief is a healthy process and an opportunity to view it as an opportunity for self-discovery. The DSM V-R, the clinical guide that we use as therapists, views grief as a disorder or something we should fix. I have discovered in both my personal and professional experience that the point of grieving is not forgetting and “moving on.” It’s not a thing to “fix.” If we allow it, it becomes part of who we are and our journey. It is something to experience.

Experiencing grief leads to positive life changes and more appreciation and gratitude for the present moment. It allows a balance of emotions and experiences that are both uncomfortable (sadness, anger, fear) and affirmative (acceptance, transformation, maturity).

PERSONAL TIPS FOR COPING WITH GRIEF

Navigating grief is a personal process. Given that, I want to offer a gentler way of personally perceiving grief and joy beyond the holidays.

1. In order to fully experience grief, it is crucial to develop a relationship with the self. Bessel Van Der Kolk, a prominent trauma therapist, outlines his concept of internal experience in his book, Body Keeps the Score, stating, “Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.”

Paying attention to what I feel and what I need resonated with me during the holiday season.

2. I have often caught myself comparing my grief experience to others and tormenting myself with “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” in terms of my feelings and actions. Relief came when I realized there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. Grief just is, and it is a unique experience for me.

3. Recognize that grief and joy are not mutually exclusive.

When I am open to the whole experience of grieving, I find a space in my heart for moments of connection and joy. And after all, wouldn’t the grieving person want you to experience joy, whether it be a joyful memory of them or a joyful moment in the present? It is ok to hold space for both at the same time.

Don’t suffer in silence. Be honest with yourself and others about your needs, even if it is to be alone. Ask yourself, “Do I need time alone to process my grief, or am I simply avoiding others?” “Are there things I need to say? Do I need to ask someone to have a conversation with me about the loss?” Letting the family in takes courage and honesty and asking for support and understanding.

Remember that you are the owner of your grief. It is your choice how you celebrate or engage with family or friends around the loss. Permit yourself to be you and know that whatever you choose is ok.

THE BOTTOM LINE

For those of us who have had to reexperience feelings of grief during the Holiday season and are exhausted from being around others or wearing the mask of trying so hard to look “happy,” we see you and encourage you to give yourself what you need. Maybe it’s rest, scheduling a therapy session, or engaging in other healthy coping skills.

Additionally, the grief process is personal, and we invite you to practice self-compassion and kindness toward your own experience of where you are in the process.

We extend our gratitude to Psychotherapist Ms. Pezacka. Her expertise as a member of our mental health therapy team has offered deep insights into the nature of grief. If you’re in search of counseling or therapy to help you cope with grief, or you are looking for a therapist near you, reach out to us at 347-868-7813.

Your thoughts and experiences matter to us, so we’d love to hear your feedback on this piece in the comments below.

woman sad at the holidays. dealing with holiday grief

Mental Health Self Care Coping with Grief • emotional healing • grief January 5, 2024 By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Understanding and Navigating Grief: Expert Counselling Tips from Kensho Psychotherapy.

Welcome to a heartfelt exploration of grief, a journey that doesn’t neatly end with the holidays. If you’ve ever felt the lingering shadow of loss long after the festive lights have dimmed, this blog is for you. It’s a candid, down-to-earth reflection on personal loss and the ongoing grieving process, extending beyond the holiday season, by therapist Beata Pezacka.

When my grandmother died in December 2013, I became overwhelmed with shame, guilt, powerlessness, and anger. I loved my grandmother deeply. She essentially raised me from an early age in the absence of my neglectful and emotionally unavailable parents. She was the closest connection to emotional security and healthy attachment. My grief journey since has been complex, involving a variety of emotions—from sorrow to anger, acceptance to peace and it is complicated around Christmas, making the holiday season both a joyful time and overshadowed with grief.

GRIEF AND THE HOLIDAYS

Reflecting on the recent holiday season, did you feel disconnected when hearing “Happy Holidays!”? Despite feeling vulnerable, the pressure to seem happy or strong around others can be overwhelming during this time. For those mourning a loss, the holidays often reopen wounds, making the absence of loved ones painfully evident. Society’s expectation of constant cheerfulness can feel burdensome, especially when our hearts are heavy with grief.

This past holiday season might have been particularly tough, reexperiencing the trauma of loss all over again. While society may try to convince us that we should always be happy around this time of year, perpetual, forced cheer is an unrealistic way to view life and dismissive of our true emotions.

Allow me to share some tips that have helped me with my grief. But first, let’s get a few things straight about what grief really is and what it definitely isn’t.

WHAT IS GRIEF?

Grief often carries with it a negative connotation in our society. Have you ever felt that phrases like “Move on” or “Happy Holidays” don’t sit right, especially if you are still sad and grieving? These words can be invalidating, contributing to a culture of avoidance and stigma. Think about it: have you ever found yourself putting on a brave face, staying super busy, or even overindulging to avoid dealing with grief?

While some may argue that this desire to prioritize joyful tidings during the Holidays is for the good of all, we should be careful that pushing so-called “bad” feelings away can lead to forced insincerity (acting “strong”), obsessive distraction (staying busy), avoiding feelings (putting on a happy face), and addictive activities (overeating, sex, over-spending, excessive drinking, etc.). These ways of trying to mask grief by giving a false perception of having “moved on” can lead to anxiety, agitation, and resentment. No wonder the Holidays can often devolve into family arguments!

But grief is not a process that must be avoided or hidden. Grief is a healthy process, and I invite you to view grief as an opportunity for self-discovery. Stay tuned for Part 2 next week, where we’ll delve deeper into this journey and explore practical ways to embrace and learn from our grief. You won’t want to miss it!

At Kensho Psychotherapy, we understand that many of you are grieving and feeling overwhelmed, and we’re here to support you and offer guidance on managing your grief. Ms. Pezacka, a skilled therapist on our mental health therapy team, provides insightful definitions of grief and will return with valuable tips on coping with grief. Make sure to follow us for part II.

If you’re seeking counseling or therapy to help you through your grief journey, don’t hesitate to contact us at 347-868-7813. Stay tuned for more expert advice on grief management, coping strategies, and therapeutic support, essential for anyone seeking healing and understanding while grieving.

what to do with holiday grief. Tips for anxiety in the holidays

Anxiety Mindfulness Self Care Holiday Grief December 18, 2023 By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Holiday Blues Unwrapped: Navigating Anxiety and Grief with the Right Skills

The holidays are not all mistletoe and jingle bells for everyone in the room. For many, this time also cranks up a mixtape of emotions, including the less sung tracks of grief and anxiety. It’s the season of contrast – joyous celebrations shadowed by the absence felt at the dinner table or the pressure to keep up with holiday expectations. But as we teach our clients, both can be okay and true simultaneously. As we navigate this season, our journey isn’t just about the sparkle and shine; it’s about understanding the hum of anxiety and the unexpected shadows of grief. It’s about vulnerability and connections, recognizing the often overlooked links to grief and anxiety, and skillfully embracing the authentic, sometimes messy, spectrum of our holiday experiences.

Beyond the Sparkle: Holiday-Triggered Anxiety and Grief

The holiday season can act as a magnifier for both grief and anxiety. It’s not just about the absence of joy; it’s about the presence of other, more challenging emotions. Anxiety might manifest in worrying excessively about meeting expectations at work or with family as the year winds down, while holiday traditions and preparations can activate grief as it reinforces the realities of missing loved ones or changed relationships, making even simple activities like decorating feel overwhelming.

Hidden Struggles: Recognizing the Silent Signals of Seasonal Anxiety

Several symptoms or reactions related to anxiety and grief are often easily overlooked during the holidays:

Losing Sleep Over Deadlines: The pressure to meet holiday-related deadlines, like shopping and preparations, end-of-year projects, and financial stress, can contribute to significant anxiety and sleep disruptions. Check in with yourself. Are you having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep? Are you Netflixing more than usual?
Avoiding Decorations: For some, setting up holiday decorations can be a painful reminder of lost loved ones, leading to avoidance. Or similar avoidance around family conversations or events. Notice when you turn down invitations and ask yourself what’s coming up and why. What’s behind the heaviness or dread that I feel?
Strain in Relationships: Anxiety and grief can strain relationships, as individuals may withdraw or become irritable under stress, impacting both personal and professional relationships.

Turning the Page: Embracing the Uncomfortable with Curiosity

I couldn’t end this piece without sharing some ideas of what you can do with all the difficult thoughts and feelings you are noticing. Acknowledging it is the beginning. Doing that makes the experience less daunting and often helps the intensity reach a more manageable space. Tracking your experiences may also help you notice emotions and patterns. You can incorporate deep breaths or your favorite activities to ground the mind and body, like workouts, walks, or talking to friends.

Three Wise Moves: Managing Grief and Emotions During Festive Times

Acknowledge the Emotions: Whatever you feel during the holidays is normal. Acknowledging anxiety or grief is the first step to managing them. As the National Library of Medicine points out, “acceptance helps [you] experience less negative emotion in response to stressors” and improves emotional health.
Creatively Navigate Difficult Reminders: Find new ways to honor loved ones or create new traditions that feel right for you. If holiday decorations are a painful reminder, consider creating a special memory space for your loved one or choosing a different decoration style that feels more comforting. At a recent parent workshop on Managing Holiday Stress, we suggested hanging a stocking and filling it with good memories every day until Christmas. Reading those memories or sharing them as a family on Christmas can be a gift to everyone impacted by the loss.
Seek Support: Remember, healing isn’t linear. Reaching out for support can be incredibly beneficial. Whether it’s talking to friends or family, joining a support group, or finally making an appointment with a therapist, getting help can provide you with the tools and resources to better manage grief and anxiety.

You’re Not Alone in the Winter Wonderland

A gentle reminder that experiencing a range of emotions during the holidays is a shared human experience. As alone as the feelings may want you to feel at times, I can tell you, as a Psychotherapist and Mental Health Professional, many people experience heightened anxiety and grief during the holidays. Being open about your experiences with others can be a powerful way to find common ground and mutual support.

This holiday season, if you find yourself grappling with unexpected emotions of anxiety and grief, know that it’s a shared experience for many. You can find a path through this season of your life by acknowledging these feelings, creatively navigating difficult reminders, talking more about them, and asking for help. If this piece resonates with you, consider sharing it with others who might find it helpful. Remember, seeking therapy, especially if you’re experiencing anxiety, can be the missing step toward healing.

You’re not alone, and there’s strength in seeking support.

amanda fludd, licensed psychotherapist. Has a private psychotherapy practice in Long Island New York and Coaching and Speaking Practice

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R, is a Licensed Psychotherapist and Mental Health consultant. She works in partnership with organizations and institutions like schools and corporations to assess an organization’s emotional health, designing customized mental health and wellness workshops to help teams navigate stress, burnout, and trauma so they can thrive well.

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