If you’re the one everyone relies on—the fixer, the achiever, the strong friend—but inside you’re feeling drained and stuck, know this: being stuck isn’t a sign of strength. It’s a signal that it’s time to make a change.
In the episode we put out this week for the Grace, Growth & Leadership podcast, we explore the emotional and practical aspects of recognizing when it’s time to shift. It’s about granting yourself permission to evolve, redefine success on your own terms, and move forward with intention.
Sometimes, change can feel hard because it stirs up deep, uncomfortable feelings
Sometimes, pivoting can feel hard because it stirs up deep, uncomfortable feelings — not necessarily because the change itself is wrong, but because of the internal stories we’ve been carrying for years. Stories about expectations. Stories about how success “should” look. Real fears about what others might think if you step into something different. Often, we wait for external validation before making changes, thinking we need someone else’s approval to move forward.
But the truth is: real growth begins when you grant yourself permission — permission to pivot, to pause, to choose a new path.
This self-granted permission becomes the catalyst for movement, for momentum, and for renewed energy.
What Grace Can Look Like in the Midst of Change
One powerful shift?
Practice celebrating small pivots as wins — not just the big ones. Instead of waiting until you've fully "arrived" somewhere new, acknowledge every decision that nudges you toward alignment. Each conversation you have, each boundary you set, each step you take outside your comfort zone — that is progress.
We get more into that and so much more in this week’s episode on YouTube and the Grace, Growth & Leadership podcast. 🎙️✨
🎧 Listen to the Podcast Episode
If parts of this feel especially challenging on a deeper level — if you're navigating change, grief, identity shifts, or leadership fatigue — we’re here to support you. Connect with us for therapy if you need personalized care.
Or if you’re looking for a likeminded space for women leading their businesses while developing themselves, the Couch to Business Collective is a great place to begin. 💬 👉 Join the Collective Here
Your next chapter isn’t about pushing harder — it’s about pivoting with purpose.
Taking up space means giving yourself permission to express your thoughts, feelings, boundaries, and anything else that feels authentic to you. It’s about rewriting cultural norms that have confined you to a prison of “shoulds” and “need-tos,” pulling you away from deeply trusting yourself.
Why is Taking Up Space Hard?
For many women of color, taking up space is challenging due to societal pressures and cultural expectations. We are often taught to be obedient and submissive and serve others, usually learning it is ok to put our needs last and rarely voice our concerns about that. In addition, external power struggles and internalized beliefs, particularly when intertwined with trauma, make it difficult to see our value and accept the attention that comes with taking up space.
If you are of a marginalized identity, you might find yourself making an effort to fit in and not be “found out.” This could manifest in various ways, like avoiding negotiating at work, accepting the opinions of others even though it makes no damn sense, allowing those in perceived authority to interrupt you, or swallowing your thoughts and emotions in relationships for fear of conflict. There are countless subtle ways that shrinking back, playing safe, or remaining hidden can appear in your life, often without conscious awareness.
The world (and sometimes our own narrative) has often conditioned us to believe that it’s safer to be small and quiet as women. But as we’ve come to understand, shrinking to fit into preconceived molds only serves to disrupt our potential.
Why Practice is Essential
In the Mindset Collective, our membership community for women of color, we explore the importance of practicing the concept of taking up space. (Join us here!) By actively engaging with this idea, we start to unravel the limitations placed on us by societal expectations and personal insecurities. This is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment that requires consistent effort and practice.
The practice of taking up space is about more than just being seen and heard. It’s about reclaiming our right to exist fully and authentically. Life presents us with unexpected challenges, and by practicing the art of taking up space, we equip ourselves with the tools to not just survive but thrive.
Consider Simone Biles, who honored her emotions by withdrawing from the Tokyo Olympics to prioritize her mental health. Her decision, initially met with criticism, was a powerful statement of self-awareness and self-care.
Fast-forward to this year’s Olympics in Paris, where she returned with renewed confidence and strength and dominated her field. Biles’ journey teaches us that taking up space often requires making bold choices that honor our well-being.
Similarly, Sha’Carri Richardson faced intense scrutiny and judgment, grappling with personal challenges and public expectations. Her journey back to the track was marked by resilience and growth. Richardson returned with a powerful presence, embodying both humility and strength. Her story is a reminder that taking up space sometimes means confronting our mistakes and emerging stronger.
Even Kamala Harris, as Vice President, navigates the complexities of her role in a landscape that often tries to minimize the voices of women of color. Her journey represents the ongoing challenge of taking up space in positions of power and influence.
I’m personally looking forward to the 2024 Olympics and the Track and Field events, where we get to see the resilience and strength of athletes like Richardson. Their stories inspire us to rise above the challenges that try to subdue us as women, especially those of us who are marginalized.
How Can We Take Up Space?
So, how do we take up space? Taking up space is about more than physical presence; it’s about asserting your right to be seen and heard in a world that often tries to silence you. It’s intentional acts that need to be practiced.
Here are a few ways you can start practicing this concept:
Embrace Your Emotions: Don’t shy away from expressing how you feel. Whether it’s joy, anger, or sadness, acknowledging and voicing your emotions is a powerful act of self-validation.
Speak Up: Whether in a meeting, a social gathering, or even online, practice sharing your thoughts and ideas. Your voice matters, and your perspective is valuable.
Set Boundaries: Protect your energy and time by establishing clear boundaries. Where do you need to set a boundary in your life today? Create an action step for it.
Rest: Knowing when it’s time to pull back and restore your energy is also key. We don’t always have to keep pushing (or at least out loud). Take time to give yourself what you need so you can thrive when the opportunity comes.
Now, it’s your turn. How are you taking up space in your life? Share your experiences or intentions in the comments. I would love to see the different ways we practice taking up space.
Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women leaders and entrepreneurs. Her joy is tackling mental health on multiple platforms and you can learn more about her at: http://www.amandafludd.com.
When bad things happen in life, it’s natural for our minds to gravitate towards the negative, but it’s essential to remember that we can reframe our thoughts and view things in a way that fosters momentum. The ability to reframe our thoughts and cultivate optimism requires effort, but it’s achievable with a few simple steps that I’ll walk you through.
Just Notice. The first step in reframing a situation that may trigger negative thoughts is noticing it’s happening in the first place.
What is the conversation you are having in your head? Especially to something you are anticipating. Is your self-talk helpful? Once you can capture the thoughts that are not, you can begin to capture those lemons and reframe them into something more practical and productive for you.
Look for Unhelpful Thought Styles. We all have default thinking styles that show up occasionally, like seeing the worst in a situation or minimizing our success. When you know those unhelpful thinking patterns, you can notice them faster and challenge them. For example, if we find ourselves engaging in negative self-talk, we can reframe those thoughts and focus on more positive and realistic interpretations of the situation.
For example, in a relationship, if the thought pops up, “If my partner doesn’t agree with me on this, then they must not love me.” This type of thinking overlooks the complexities often present in relationships and the aspects that are going well, which can quickly trigger frustration, disappointment, and resentment.
What if, instead, we considered the other possibilities and changed that thought to something like, “My partner may not see eye to eye on this with me, but I know they are willing to listen and engage with me, which is a sign of their love and commitment to our relationship.” How does that sound instead? How does it compare to the first thought?
Journaling at a recent Wellness Event hosted by Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R
Keep A Gratitude Journal. One powerful technique is gratitude. When we focus on what we are grateful for, we shift our attention away from negative thoughts and experiences, and we teach our brains to look for the positive. This can help us feel more optimistic about the future, even under challenging circumstances.
Take a few moments daily to identify 2-3 things you’re grateful for. It could improve your overall happiness.
Avoid Worst-Case Scenario Thinking. Not everything will have a horrible outcome. I’m sure you can think of moments in your life where things looked that way, but it worked out. Even one example is good enough. So, instead of imagining the worst, focus on the present moment and take things one step at a time. This can help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed by negative thoughts of possibilities (that haven’t even occurred yet) and the flood of emotions that fuels.
Cultivate your people! Surrounding yourself with the right people can make a big difference in staying optimistic and motivated. Having supportive friends or family members who are willing to listen and offer encouragement can help us feel less alone, more seen, understood, and focused. If you can’t find positive people to draw from or feel like negative only follows you- reframe your thoughts! Don’t be afraid to seek out the connections you need in your life, such as mentors, joining associations, or partnering with like-minded groups. You can cultivate your people!
Okay, I hope this was helpful. Can you please take a minute to let me know what resonated with you in the comments? I would love to hear from you!
Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R, is a Licensed Psychotherapist and Mental Health consultant. She works in partnership with organizations and institutions, such as schools and corporations, to assess an organization’s emotional health. She designs customized mental health and wellness workshops to help teams navigate stress, burnout, and trauma, enabling them to thrive.
How often do you really take the time to celebrate the wins in your life? If you’re like many of us, you probably don’t do this nearly often enough.
“I had come to learn pretty quickly that life has its highs and lows just like the ocean does and sometimes you just have to see how far they’ll carry you”. — C.A. Williams
How far has life carried you? Taking time to acknowledge how far I’ve come and how much I’ve accomplished is always a HUGE confidence booster for me when I take the time to do it. I’m sure it’s no different for you. To be honest, there’s a lot we’ve all done over the past few fears or even few days that we should be proud of, yet we often don’t see it or foget to be mindful of where we’ve been and its contributions to our present. There always seems to be so much left to do, or a focus on the things we failed at that seems to take the joy out of the room.
A crucial component of confidence and our general well-being is our ability to pause and notice our past with compassion, while celebrating even the smallest wins that shape how far we’ve already come.
Why Do We Struggle to Slow Down and Celebrate Ourselves?
There is an urgency to keep going, to get to the next thing, the next accomplishment. It’s probably a feeling that keeps you up at night with thoughts you just can’t seem to shut off, and it’s just physically and emotionally hard to do.
You’ve set the bar so high that no matter how far you get, it never feels like enough. A feeling that can erode your confidence because it’s personalized to, “I’m not enough”.
It’s hard to see the things that went well, and you tend to focus on all the little things that didn’t go as planned.
It’s a reflection of your upbringing. You were raised to be humble about your accomplishments, or no one was really available to celebrate you.
There is a part of you that’s scared that if you pause to celebrate, you’ll somehow fall behind.
You’re not there “yet,” so there isn’t a big enough reason to celebrate- leaving no room for small wins.
Which one resonates with you?
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. The value of slowing down is you get to find your strengths and the realizations you need to validate your ability to navigate current challenges and achieve your goals with confidence. But where do you start? Let’s begin with gratitude.
How to Slow Down to Achieve Your Goals and Boost Your Confidence
Reflection and Gratitude
The simplest way to ensure you notice what you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve come is to get into the habit of spending a few minutes in the morning or right before bed in reflection and gratitude.
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”
William Arthur Ward
When you wake up in the morning, before you get out of bed, or while munching on that bagel or sipping on your coffee, think about what you’ve accomplished and what you’re grateful for.
I like this morning habit because it sets a positive and confident tone for the day ahead. If that doesn’t work for you, try it at night before you fall asleep. Keep a journal next to your bed and don’t just dump out your worries; dump out what went well for the day. You can even add three accomplishments or things that made you feel proud in the week or the last few months.
Make reflecting in gratitude a daily habit, and watch your confidence grow.
Journaling And Habit Trackers
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Spending a few minutes daily writing down your wins is a great way to reconnect to your truths. To build a better routine and establish this as a habit. If you’re trying to develop better habits, try a habit tracker. Grid paper and excel spreadsheets work well for this too. Seeing a month’s worth of little checkmarks on your habit tracker can be very motivating.
With the journal, make it a point to review your wins regularly and of course, whenever you need a little boost of self-esteem and confidence. Look online for plenty of journaling and habit tracker ideas. Give the ones that look good a try and devise a system that works for you.
GetYour Own Personal Cheerleader
Sometimes it helps to have your own personal cheerleader. No, I’m not suggesting you hire a person with pompoms to follow you around everywhere (although that might be fun for a day). Instead, find a good friend or family member who’s encouraging already and ask them to cheer you on. Who are your cheerleaders? Keep their numbers on speed dial so you can call them whenever you feel low or don’t want to do something and need some encouragement.
You can also think about who has been a key support person in your life, even if they played a minor role. I can think of my 4th-grade teacher Ms. English and how loving and accepting she was, which meant the world to me as a migrant child in a new country and school system. Who is your person? In your journal, list 2-3 of those people you have had in your life and note their impact on you. That relationship might even be another reminder of how far you’ve come.
You now have some great ways to slow down and notice the value in your life daily. Taking the time to recognize those wins and seeing how far you’ve come has a ripple effect of increasing how good you feel about yourself, improving your mood, and building your confidence and momentum so you can continue to tackle future goals with more ease and joy.
Celebrate yourself. You work hard, and you deserve it.
How are you planning on bringing more celebration into your life?Let us know in the comments below!
Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is addressing mental health on multiple levels from the boardroom to your virtual office.
Fear is a powerful emotion that we all experience in our lives, and it is something that can be very challenging to deal with, but you can learn how to overcome fear and anxiety with a few easy to follow actionable steps.
When we are pursuing a new experience, like a new job opportunity, relationship, or starting a business, fear can hold us back. It can make us see challenges as insurmountable or make us over-prepare to the point that it slows our growth.
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Fear and Anxiety
“Every time your fear is invited up, every time you recognize it and smile at it, your fear will lose some of its strength.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
The best way to deal with fear is to face it. In facing it, you get to see if the story you made up around the issue is true or what you may be lacking to help you move forward. The more we avoid the problem, the more anxiety we consequently cause around it. For example, if you are constantly thinking about whether you will do well on an upcoming exam, you can’t sleep. The consequent exhaustion then triggers even more anxiety because you can’t concentrate and study, further impacting your sleep– and just like that, the worry has just become a debilitating cycle, confirming your worst fear- you won’t be ready for the exam and will fail.
Instead, the goal has to become to lean into the fear so you can disarm it. What if you acknowledged what your worry and fear was in the first place instead of reacting to it. Could we possibly find a better response so it loses some of its strength?
How do fears get in the way of being successful?
Culturally, I’ve been raised to not speak over others, and I think I have this natural resistance to being seen, and it’s my kryptonite that shows up at the wrong time. I can still recall moments sitting “at the table” with people in my profession and listening to them give their opinions on things and wanting to give my two cents but struggling within myself to speak up.
Fear and anxiety work like that to cripple you within yourself.
Those experiences can be triggered by various fears like the fear of judgment, failure, or the fear of being alone, and sometimes even the fear of being successful.
When challenged in that space, it can have this counter-response that looks like overthinking, avoiding opportunities, missed deadlines, low energy, feeling disconnected from your work, procrastination, perfectionism, irritability, or indecisiveness.
How can we overcome fear and anxiety?
Fear is a built-in instinct to protect us, so we don’t want to get rid of it, but we do want to help our brains understand the moments we are safe and don’t need that fear reaction. The best way to overcome fear in that case is to repeatedly do the thing that causes it but in a safe and controlled way. During this process of exposure, coupled with positive coping skills, you can learn to ride out the fear or wave of anxiety until it naturally subsides.
Need a place to track and challenge those thoughts, and work on your wellness? Grab a Wellness Planner here.
Mental Health and Wellness Tracker & Planner
When the emotion of fear or anxiety seems overwhelming, try to shift your focus to a healthier thought or a skill that will reduce the feelings, so it is more manageable. A stress-reduction approach like mindfulness or simply taking a break and disconnecting from the issue and going for a walk may help you better take the actions you need to be successful. I would also add to be patient and add some compassion into the process. Your mind is working to keep you safe when these responses are triggered. It can’t always tell the action you want to take isn’t a dangerous risk but one you can handle and necessary to improve your current situation.
How to overcome the fears of growth as a professional
Start by identifying the fears holding you back from reaching your next level. Our thoughts are powerful, but they can be damaging and limiting when building out your dreams. The fear of failure is like the dark cloud that follows most professionals as they work on advancing their careers, especially through entrepreneurship. Rather than simply stopping people from being entrepreneurial, fear of failure can also serve as a motivator for success with a better understanding of your response dynamics. To help you better recognize and challenge your internal reactions to growth we put together some exercises to help you find those fears with the Believe Bigger Workbook available here for entrepreneurs.
Here are a few prompts from the workbook to challenge your mindset:
Once you’ve identified a few of your fears, can you think of specific experiences from your life that might have formed these fears?
What do you feel is holding you back from more significant success?
Recall a time you were afraid. How did you move past the fear?
Pause for a moment and identify and write about five of your strengths.
To deepen this practice and find the root of self-sabotaging behaviors, try keeping a journal over a period of two or three weeks. Look for any patterns you notice, the source of those fears (family, culture, financial, criticism, etc), and their validity. Fear is often fed by false stories making your experience seem much worse than it really is.
InSummary:
Lean into your fears. Figure out what it’s about, and if it is valid for the direction you are going.
Practice stress reduction techniques like mindfulness or disconnecting from the source of distress at the moment.
Shift your focus to more positive thoughts or emotions. Use your imagination or visualization to picture that same fearful experience with a positive outcome, and embrace the positive emotions you anticipate feeling with your successful outcome. The control and calm you experience during your visualization can actually help you get through the actual ordeal with more ease.
Challenge your mindset around the fear with journal prompts like the one above and other exploratory resources like the Believing Bigger Workbook for Women in Business.
Practice Compassion. Your mind is only trying to keep you safe.
If you are a Minority Woman in Business and would like consistent support and accountability on your goals, the Mastermind Group may be a fit for you.
Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed therapist, speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is addressing mental health on multiple levels from the boardroom to your virtual office.
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