Category: <span>Confidence</span>

Women thinking about her negative thoughts and overwhelmed

Anxiety Confidence Personal Growth Self-improvement May 3, 2023 By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

When Life Gives You Lemons – Reframe Your Thoughts

When bad things happen in life, it’s natural for our minds to go to the negative, but it’s important to remember that we can reframe our thinking and look at things in a way that supports momentum. The ability to reframe our thoughts and find optimism takes work, but it’s possible with a few simple steps.

Just Notice. The first step in reframing a situation that may trigger negative thoughts is noticing it’s happening in the first place.

What is the conversation you are having in your head? Especially to something you are anticipating. Is your self-talk helpful? Once you can capture the thoughts that are not, you can begin to capture those lemons and reframe them into something more practical and productive to you.

When life gives you lemons reframe the possibilities

Look for Unhelpful Thought Styles. We all have default thinking styles that show up occasionally, like seeing the worst in a situation or minimizing your success. When you know those unhelpful thinking patterns, you can notice them faster and challenge them. For example, if we find ourselves engaging in negative self-talk, we can reframe those thoughts and focus on more positive and realistic interpretations of the situation.

For example, in a relationship, if the thought pops up, “If my partner doesn’t agree with me on this, then they must not love me.” This type of thinking ignores the complexities often present in relationships and the things that are going well, quickly triggering frustration, disappointment, and resentment.

What if, instead, we considered the other possibilities and changed that thought to something like, “my partner may not see eye to eye on this with me, but I know they are willing to listen and engage with me, which is a sign of their love and commitment to our relationship.” How does that sound instead? How does it compare to the first thought?

women journaling — Journaling at a recent Wellness Event hosted by Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R

Keep A Gratitude Journal. One powerful technique is gratitude. When we focus on what we are grateful for, we shift our attention away from negative thoughts and experiences and teach our brains to search for the positive. This can help us feel more optimistic about the future, even under challenging circumstances.

Take a few moments daily to identify 2-3 things you’re grateful for. It could improve your overall happiness.

Avoid Worst-Case Scenario Thinking. Everything isn’t going to have a horrible outcome. Instead of imagining what that can be, focus on the present moment and take things one step at a time. This can help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed by negative thoughts and emotions.

Cultivate your people! Surrounding yourself with the right people can make a big difference in staying optimistic and motivated. Having supportive friends and family members willing to listen and offer encouragement can help us feel less alone, seen, understood, and focused. If you can’t find positive people to draw from or feel like negative only follows you- reframe your thoughts! Don’t be afraid to look for the connections you need in your life in the form of mentors, joining associations, or partnering with like-minded groups. You can cultivate your people!

Let me know which approach you need to embrace more often in the comments below.

RSVP for the Renew Connect Restore info session on 5/20/23 at 4:30 PM EST here: https://bit.ly/Info2p3

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R, is a Licensed Psychotherapist and Mental Health consultant. She works in partnership with organizations and institutions like schools and corporations to assess an organization’s emotional health, designing customized mental health and wellness workshops to help teams navigate stress, burnout, and trauma so they can thrive well.

Confidence Mental Health Mindset Self Care September 26, 2022 By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Build Your Confidence By Taking A Look At How Far You’ve Come

confidence is something we can work on by slowing down and tracking our progress with it

How often do you really take the time to celebrate the wins in your life? If you’re like many of us, you probably don’t do this nearly often enough.

“I had come to learn pretty quickly that life has its highs and lows just like the ocean does and sometimes you just have to see how far they’ll carry you”. — C.A. Williams
How far has life carried you? Taking time to acknowledge how far I’ve come and how much I’ve accomplished is always a HUGE confidence booster for me when I take the time to do it. I’m sure it’s no different for you. To be honest, there’s a lot we’ve all done over the past few fears or even few days that we should be proud of, yet we often don’t see it or foget to be mindful of where we’ve been and its contributions to our present. There always seems to be so much left to do, or a focus on the things we failed at that seems to take the joy out of the room.
A crucial component of confidence and our general well-being is our ability to pause and notice our past with compassion, while celebrating even the smallest wins that shape how far we’ve already come.

Why Do We Struggle to Slow Down and Celebrate Ourselves?

There is an urgency to keep going, to get to the next thing, the next accomplishment. It’s probably a feeling that keeps you up at night with thoughts you just can’t seem to shut off, and it’s just physically and emotionally hard to do.
You’ve set the bar so high that no matter how far you get, it never feels like enough. A feeling that can erode your confidence because it’s personalized to, “I’m not enough”.
It’s hard to see the things that went well, and you tend to focus on all the little things that didn’t go as planned.
It’s a reflection of your upbringing. You were raised to be humble about your accomplishments, or no one was really available to celebrate you.
There is a part of you that’s scared that if you pause to celebrate, you’ll somehow fall behind.
You’re not there “yet,” so there isn’t a big enough reason to celebrate- leaving no room for small wins.

Build confidence by honoring where you came from. Coaching tips and life strategies, life hacks. Quote.

Which one resonates with you?

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. The value of slowing down is you get to find your strengths and the realizations you need to validate your ability to navigate current challenges and achieve your goals with confidence. But where do you start? Let’s begin with gratitude.

How to Slow Down to Achieve Your Goals and Boost Your Confidence

Reflection and Gratitude

The simplest way to ensure you notice what you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve come is to get into the habit of spending a few minutes in the morning or right before bed in reflection and gratitude.

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”
William Arthur Ward

When you wake up in the morning, before you get out of bed, or while munching on that bagel or sipping on your coffee, think about what you’ve accomplished and what you’re grateful for.

I like this morning habit because it sets a positive and confident tone for the day ahead. If that doesn’t work for you, try it at night before you fall asleep. Keep a journal next to your bed and don’t just dump out your worries; dump out what went well for the day. You can even add three accomplishments or things that made you feel proud in the week or the last few months.

Make reflecting in gratitude a daily habit, and watch your confidence grow.

three unexpected tips to boost your confidence

Journaling And Habit Trackers

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Spending a few minutes daily writing down your wins is a great way to reconnect to your truths. To build a better routine and establish this as a habit. If you’re trying to develop better habits, try a habit tracker. Grid paper and excel spreadsheets work well for this too. Seeing a month’s worth of little checkmarks on your habit tracker can be very motivating.

With the journal, make it a point to review your wins regularly and of course, whenever you need a little boost of self-esteem and confidence. Look online for plenty of journaling and habit tracker ideas. Give the ones that look good a try and devise a system that works for you.

Get Your Own Personal Cheerleader

Sometimes it helps to have your own personal cheerleader. No, I’m not suggesting you hire a person with pompoms to follow you around everywhere (although that might be fun for a day). Instead, find a good friend or family member who’s encouraging already and ask them to cheer you on. Who are your cheerleaders? Keep their numbers on speed dial so you can call them whenever you feel low or don’t want to do something and need some encouragement.

You can also think about who has been a key support person in your life, even if they played a minor role. I can think of my 4th-grade teacher Ms. English and how loving and accepting she was, which meant the world to me as a migrant child in a new country and school system. Who is your person? In your journal, list 2-3 of those people you have had in your life and note their impact on you. That relationship might even be another reminder of how far you’ve come.

You now have some great ways to slow down and notice the value in your life daily. Taking the time to recognize those wins and seeing how far you’ve come has a ripple effect of increasing how good you feel about yourself, improving your mood, and building your confidence and momentum so you can continue to tackle future goals with more ease and joy.

Celebrate yourself. You work hard, and you deserve it.

How are you planning on bringing more celebration into your life? Let us know in the comments below!

Other great reads: Actionable Steps to Overcome Anxiety

The Self Love Journal For Women

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is addressing mental health on multiple levels from the boardroom to your virtual office.

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Anxiety Business Confidence Mindset Self-improvement Women empowerment Anxiety • How to overcome fear • overthinking April 21, 2022 By AMANDA FLUDD 1 Comment

5 Actionable Steps to Overcome Fear and Anxiety

Fear is a powerful emotion that we all experience in our lives, and it is something that can be very challenging to deal with, but you can learn how to overcome fear and anxiety with a few easy to follow actionable steps.

When we are pursuing a new experience, like a new job opportunity, relationship, or starting a business, fear can hold us back. It can make us see challenges as insurmountable or make us over-prepare to the point that it slows our growth.

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Fear and Anxiety

Quote: Every time your fear is invited up, every time you recognize it and smile at it, your fear will lose some of its strength

“Every time your fear is invited up, every time you recognize it and smile at it, your fear will lose some of its strength.”
Thich Nhat Hanh

The best way to deal with fear is to face it. In facing it, you get to see if the story you made up around the issue is true or what you may be lacking to help you move forward. The more we avoid the problem, the more anxiety we consequently cause around it. For example, if you are constantly thinking about whether you will do well on an upcoming exam, you can’t sleep. The consequent exhaustion then triggers even more anxiety because you can’t concentrate and study, further impacting your sleep– and just like that, the worry has just become a debilitating cycle, confirming your worst fear- you won’t be ready for the exam and will fail.

Instead, the goal has to become to lean into the fear so you can disarm it. What if you acknowledged what your worry and fear was in the first place instead of reacting to it. Could we possibly find a better response so it loses some of its strength?

How do fears get in the way of being successful?

Culturally, I’ve been raised to not speak over others, and I think I have this natural resistance to being seen, and it’s my kryptonite that shows up at the wrong time. I can still recall moments sitting “at the table” with people in my profession and listening to them give their opinions on things and wanting to give my two cents but struggling within myself to speak up.

Fear and anxiety work like that to cripple you within yourself.

Those experiences can be triggered by various fears like the fear of judgment, failure, or the fear of being alone, and sometimes even the fear of being successful.

When challenged in that space, it can have this counter-response that looks like overthinking, avoiding opportunities, missed deadlines, low energy, feeling disconnected from your work, procrastination, perfectionism, irritability, or indecisiveness.

How can we overcome fear and anxiety?

Fear is a built-in instinct to protect us, so we don’t want to get rid of it, but we do want to help our brains understand the moments we are safe and don’t need that fear reaction. The best way to overcome fear in that case is to repeatedly do the thing that causes it but in a safe and controlled way. During this process of exposure, coupled with positive coping skills, you can learn to ride out the fear or wave of anxiety until it naturally subsides.

Need a place to track and challenge those thoughts, and work on your wellness? Grab a Wellness Planner here.

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When the emotion of fear or anxiety seems overwhelming, try to shift your focus to a healthier thought or a skill that will reduce the feelings, so it is more manageable. A stress-reduction approach like mindfulness or simply taking a break and disconnecting from the issue and going for a walk may help you better take the actions you need to be successful. I would also add to be patient and add some compassion into the process. Your mind is working to keep you safe when these responses are triggered. It can’t always tell the action you want to take isn’t a dangerous risk but one you can handle and necessary to improve your current situation.

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How to overcome the fears of growth as a professional

Start by identifying the fears holding you back from reaching your next level. Our thoughts are powerful, but they can be damaging and limiting when building out your dreams. The fear of failure is like the dark cloud that follows most professionals as they work on advancing their careers, especially through entrepreneurship. Rather than simply stopping people from being entrepreneurial, fear of failure can also serve as a motivator for success with a better understanding of your response dynamics. To help you better recognize and challenge your internal reactions to growth we put together some exercises to help you find those fears with the Believe Bigger Workbook available here for entrepreneurs.

Here are a few prompts from the workbook to challenge your mindset:

Once you’ve identified a few of your fears, can you think of specific experiences from your life that might have formed these fears?
What do you feel is holding you back from more significant success?
Recall a time you were afraid. How did you move past the fear?
Pause for a moment and identify and write about five of your strengths.

5 Actionable steps to overcome fear and anxiety. Prompts and steps to reduce fears and challenge your mindset.

To deepen this practice and find the root of self-sabotaging behaviors, try keeping a journal over a period of two or three weeks. Look for any patterns you notice, the source of those fears (family, culture, financial, criticism, etc), and their validity. Fear is often fed by false stories making your experience seem much worse than it really is.

In Summary:

Lean into your fears. Figure out what it’s about, and if it is valid for the direction you are going.
Practice stress reduction techniques like mindfulness or disconnecting from the source of distress at the moment.
Shift your focus to more positive thoughts or emotions. Use your imagination or visualization to picture that same fearful experience with a positive outcome, and embrace the positive emotions you anticipate feeling with your successful outcome. The control and calm you experience during your visualization can actually help you get through the actual ordeal with more ease.
Challenge your mindset around the fear with journal prompts like the one above and other exploratory resources like the Believing Bigger Workbook for Women in Business.
Practice Compassion. Your mind is only trying to keep you safe.

If you are a Minority Woman in Business and would like consistent support and accountability on your goals, the Mastermind Group may be a fit for you.

Disclaimer: There are affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you decide to buy to support our tea-drinking habits at no cost to you.

Confidence Self-improvement Women empowerment encouraging quotes April 6, 2022 By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

20 Encouraging Quotes From Phenomenal Women of Color

Being authentic is not easy, especially for women of color. They have to break norms and find the courage to walk the path less traveled while navigating perceptions of what or who they can be.

“I am not less, because I’m Black. And I am not less, because I’m a Woman.” – Marian Wright

If today is one of those days you are tired of fighting for your value, motivation is running low, or you are just looking for self-assurance, we hope to inspire you with the words of other phenomenal women of color as you continue to create the change you wish to see.

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To all women who are experiencing inequalities and injustice in the pursuit of their dreams, here are a few encouraging tips:

Don’t stay where you are not valued. Think about how much time and energy you are wasting navigating that. Take a breath, and get grounded in your worth. Reassess your marketable skills and pivot.
Money isn’t everything. Your mental health and overall well-being are priceless, and your expertise is valuable.
Watch for complacency. It’s like drinking the Kool-Aid in a cult. As much as you dislike the experience and recognize the emotional exhaustion of your current situation, it’s easy to put your needs second and make yourself small for the benefit of the culture.
Find like-minded women who are willing to support you. It’s a skill to learn how to seek help and sometimes how to support each other. Research shows that women benefit from collaboration with other women professionals; however, at least 70% of female executives have experienced bullying by other women, according to the Ladders and research published in the journal Development and Learning in Organisations. Whether it happened at work or in other areas of our life, learning to heal the wounds caused by other women may be key to positioning ourselves to receive and give help again. The more we can share of ourselves with others, the more support and encouragement we receive in return.

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In whatever season this finds you, I hope these positive quotes by other women of color will help you feel motivated and inspired enough to reconsider your possibilities.

(1)

“It’s time for you to move, realizing that the thing you are seeking is also seeking you.”
— Iyanla Vanzant

(2)

“You can fall, but you can rise also.”
– Angelique Kidjo

(3)

“If you prioritize yourself, you are going to save yourself.”
– Gabrielle Union

Quotes of encouragement for women of color. Prioritize yourself. Dress for success and a great mood.

What I will say is that what I’ve learned for myself is that I don’t have to be anybody else and that myself is good enough; and that when I am being true to that self, then I can avail myself to extraordinary things. You have to allow for the impossible to be possible.

–Lupita Nyong’o

Stepping Out In Style

(4)

“Life is short, and it’s up to you to make it sweet.”
– Sadie Delany

(5)

This is your moment. Building courage for women. Women in business coaching.

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”
-Oprah Winfrey

(6)

“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.”
― Angela Davis

(7)

A reminder that you are good enough. Your worth is important.

“Am I good enough? Yes I am.”
– Michelle Obama

(8)

“Walls turned sideways are bridges.”
― Angela Davis

(9)

“The way to win is to try.”
– Stacey Abrams

(10)

“Determine to live life with flair and laughter.”
– Maya Angelou

(11)

“When the heart is right, the mind and body will follow.”
– Coretta Scott King

(12)

“I got my start by giving myself a start.”
– Madam CJ Walker

(13)

“Only make decisions that support your self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth.”
– Oprah Winfrey

(14)

“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”
– Maya Angelou

(15)

“You don’t become what you want, you become what you believe.”
– Oprah Winfrey

(16)

”Don’t listen to those who say YOU CAN’T. Listen to the voice inside yourself that says, I CAN.”
– Shirley Chisolm

(17)

“Let nothing dim the light that shines from within.”
– Maya Angelou

(18)

“Be healthy and take care of yourself, but be happy with the beautiful things that make you, you.”
– Beyoncé Knowles

Spring collections?Being what you want!!

(19)

This blog provides inspirational quotes and messages to all young women of color. I

“I am no longer accepting “Even if it makes others uncomfortable, I will love who I am.”
– Janelle Monáe

(20)

“Some of your goals are buried so deep in fear it doesn’t have access to what it needs to grow”
-Amanda Fludd

Did you find at least one encouraging quote that resonates with you? Take that quote and say it aloud to yourself when you need a little encouragement and better yet, share it with other phenomenal women of color. Black women need to feel inspired and encouraged every day.

I’m focusing more on balance lately- emotional and physical. To help track my progress and organize my thoughts for the month I use the Well Starts Here Planner and, for ongoing support, the Goal Slayers Mastermind, a community of like-minded women of color. Those may be excellent resources for you too.

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women and professionals venturing into business. Her joy is tackling mental health on multiple platforms. She is available for speaking engagements and training and will be at the annual Renew Connect Restore Black Women’s Health Retreat in Panama this Summer, 2023.

How to Follow Through On Your Goals

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Anxiety Confidence Mental Health Mindset Personal Growth Stress Women empowerment Calm Anxiety • Coping with anxiety • Entrepreneur Stress • How to Manage Stress? • Quotes to deal with anxiety December 7, 2021 By AMANDA FLUDD 4 Comments

15 Quotes to Calm Your Anxiety When Stressed Out

Cheerful stylish African American lady. Able to manage stress and anxiety. Happy.

These 15 anxiety quotes are meant to encourage you and help calm that feeling of overwhelm when anxious or feeling like life is out of control. Understanding how your mind works and how you talk to yourself when stressed out is key to reducing Anxiety in your life.

We all have that humble inner voice that tells us what we should be doing with our lives and who we ultimately want to be. Unfortunately, many women push this inner voice aside and instead listen to the one that says things like, “You can’t do this”, “How am I going to make money from this?”, “What will people think of me?” “I feel like a fraud,” “This is too difficult”, and “What if I fail?”.

That critical voice is like a neon yellow highlighter finding all the negatives. Its presence can be painful, limiting, and paralyzing. What you may not know is it is often connected to anxiety or depression and fuels destructive habits shortchanging your progress, and the progress of the other 40 million adults in the United States alone that are diagnosed with Anxiety or Depression (and that’s just those who know).

The Thought, Attitude & Action Connection

Anxiety is pretty common, and a hallmark trait is the fear-based worry thoughts that hold women hostage creating doubt, imposter syndrome, and not much action. See your thoughts, attitude and actions are strongly related, and you can take a look at an example of that here. Negative self-talk triggers emotions like worry, anger, or sadness, kicking up a negative or defeated attitude, which then causes you to engage in self sabotaging behaviors with things like procrastination or avoidance. Sounds familiar?

Learning to correct negative thinking patterns and your response starts with understanding the source of these unhelpful stories running around in your mind and beginning to seize control of your inner mean girl. If you want to take a closer look at what this means for you, download the free inner critic workbook to help you calm your inner critic.

I’m curious, what would you be doing if you didn’t second guess yourself? Or talk yourself out of amazing opportunities? Share those thoughts in the comments below.

Retraining Your Brain

As you ponder the impact of your inner mean girl, please note the good news- changes made to your brain by negative thought processes are reversible. While we use strategies based on cognitive behavior therapy to do this with clients, you can start to do some of this work yourself simply by introducing more positive comments to your life. The research has found the more you engage in positive thought work, the more it stimulates the front of your brain or the pre-frontal cortex- positive self-talk is like a workout for your mind.

And real talk, reading something positive is just uplifting and is a powerful way to help you feel calm and in control when stress or Anxiety threatens to overwhelm you.

Managing Stress

Navigating anxiety, stress and overwhelm in the moment is critical. Here are a few ways some of our clients do that:

Embrace mindfulness or regular meditation practice (try apps like stop, breathe, think or calm.com)
Schedule breaks within the day
Brain dump to-do lists and work on the top 3 items at a time instead of being overwhelmed by EVERYTHING on the list
Eat junk free snacks throughout the day to support a consistent mood
Learn to say “no” and assert boundaries with significant others

Embracing the positive

Using affirmations, mantras, the above approaches, and working with a therapist or a business mindset coach may be the missing element to fighting against your mind and consistently showing up for your self and your business. As you continue to work on yourself, here are a few positve quotes to get some perspective on your Anxiety and soothe your soul!

Quotes to Navigate Anxiety and Lift Your Spirits

This one is one of my favorites from the Inner Critic Workbook for Ambitious Women:

1. “Thoughts are not facts or realities. They do not define you” ~Amanda Fludd

2. “I give myself permission to suck…I find this hugely liberating” -John Green

3. “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.”

—Charles Spurgeon

4. Trust yourself. You’ve survived a lot, and you’ll survive whatever is coming. – Robert Tew

5. Smile, breathe, and go slowly. — Thich Nhat Hanh

6.”You can have it all. Just not all at once.” ~Oprah

And another from the Queen herself:

7. “The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free.” – Oprah Winfrey

8. “You dream. You plan. You reach. There will be obstacles. There will be doubters. There will be mistakes. But with hard work, with belief, with confidence and trust in yourself and those around you, there are no limits.” – Michael Phelps

“Just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t pretend that you do and, and some point, you will.” —Venus Williams

10. “The only person who can stop you from reaching your goals is you.”

— Jackie Joyner-Kersee

11. “You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.”

– Dan Millman

12. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. Isiah 41:10

13. “Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.” – Roy Bennett

14. “It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.” – Mandy Hale

15. “The way you tell your story to yourself matters.” – Amy Cuddy

That said, continue to challenge that inner critic and the mean girl stories it tries to tell you. It’s most likely not true, and you are more powerful than your mind will have you to believe.

If any of these quotes or parts of this blog resonated with you, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

Also, if you like any of the images featured in this post, sharing it through your favorite social media platform like Pinterest or tagging @amanda.fludd on Instagram is appreciated.

Calming the Anxious Mind

Getting Clear on Goals to Reduce Overwhelm

Ending Self Criticism and Liking Yourself More

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed therapist and coach for high-achieving women. It’s important to note when resolving complex thoughts, it can be challenging, and it is helpful to enlist the support of a therapist or a coach. If you are unsure what you need, reach out, and we can help you figure that out.

Note: There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you decide to buy to support our tea drinking habits at no cost to you.

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