Category: Mindfulness

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Mindfulness Self Care Women empowerment Self-Care • Womens Retreat February 6, 2024 By AMANDA FLUDD 1 Comment

Reclaiming Stillness: How Black and Brown Women Can Rediscover Themselves

It’s easy to lose sight of our goals and values when we’re busy on the move chasing our list of expectations and responsibilities. Most of us can do it with our eyes closed on autopilot.

Autopilot is the opposite of awareness.

Autopilot is where we go when we are tired of how hard it is to be successful in this country. It’s where the familiar is dialed up, but our minds are practically on mute, not engaged with driving to work, leading teams, cleaning the house, ubering the kids to their activities, or binging shows on the couch at 1:58 am. For black and brown women, it can be our haven from power struggles and being “the only” in the room, but it’s also where we lose ourselves.

Something about it feels good, but something also feels so far from the self you want to be. So how do we find her again? How do we come back into awareness and reconnect to something that gives us life? This is where the importance of self-care for Black and Brown women becomes a necessity.

Switching Off Autopilot: The Journey Back to Self

Learn how to do nothing.

It is a scary concept to embrace when we’ve established that success only comes by hard work. We are constantly in motion, in what feels like a never-ending loop where achievement is idolized, and being busy is flaunted as a mark of distinction. Instead, I wan’t to offer the profound strength found in the practice of retreating to a place of pause.

You should try something: picture yourself stepping into a quiet space, away from all the noise, where you can deepen your thought process and listen to your heart. Instituting periods of pause isn’t about running away; it’s about running toward a deeper understanding of your aspirations and dreams. Feeling connected and powerful again lies in asking ourselves if we’re living in alignment with our true selves—and having the courage to adjust our sails if we’re not.

From Historical Figures to Us: The Essential Retreat

Historical and spiritual narratives remind us of the importance of this practice. Take Jesus, for example. Amid his teachings and miracles, he found it essential to retreat to the Garden of Gethsemane. This wasn’t a timeout but a deliberate choice to reconnect, reassess, and recharge. If such a moment was crucial for him, why wouldn’t it be for us? It’s a compelling reminder that taking time to realign and refill is beneficial and necessary.

Filling Your Cup

So, when was the last time you allowed yourself this kind of retreat? When did you last recognize the signs of burnout or disconnect and decide to do something about it? We’re talking about stepping back to fill your cup, to rediscover yourself, to ensure you are not just moving but moving in the right direction with your tank full and spirits high.

Remembering who you are, or intentionally trying to discover that, is a radical act of care. The premise is what led us to create the Renew Connect Restore Annual Retreat, especially for Black and Brown women. We know firsthand the transformative impact of retreats. Retreats are not escapes but vital experiences for growth, deep reflection, and the joy of rediscovery, surrounded by similar women pouring into you. With workshops on leadership, health, entrepreneurship, identity, mental well-being, and finding one’s purpose, we offer a safe emotional space to release the responsibilities and rest, find inspiration, and enjoy whatever location we retreat to. This year, its Bali.

Intentionally building quiet moments into our lives allows us to stop, think, and connect with what we genuinely want. This habit helps us sift through the chaos, identifying what genuinely matters to us versus what keeps us busy.

Practicing A Retreat to Pause to Rediscover Self

Here are a few journal prompts to guide you:

What’s been taking up most of my headspace, and how can stepping back help me see clearer?
Where am I out of alignment with my core values when considering my personal and professional life?
What does ‘filling my cup’ look like, and who or what can help me achieve that?
Reflect on your current commitments and tasks. Which tasks need my immediate attention, and which ones can I let go of or don’t need to worry about at all? I’ll think about the power and freedom in simply saying no. What can I delegate or cut out of my schedule to make space for the things that truly matter to me? How will clearing this clutter help me zero in on the projects and goals aligning with my deeper purpose?
What can I commit to in the next three months, this month, and even today that can help me discover what fuels my joy?

These exercises is an opportunity to connect you back to living a present, bold, and audacious life. It’s your reminder to navigate what is in your control and wake up to this experience called your life.

An Invitation to Nurture Yourself

Ready to carve out that much-needed space for yourself? We’re extending an open invitation to you. Join our community and stay informed about our retreats, workshops, and other experiences designed with your growth and restoration in mind. Subscribe to our mailing list, and let’s continue this growth journey together.

How are you going to work on rediscovering yourself?

Amanda Fludd, therapist, speaker, mindset coach

Other great reads: Actionable Steps to Overcome Anxiety

The Self Love Journal For Women

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is addressing mental health on multiple levels, from the boardroom to stages with dynamic keynote speeches to therapy on the couch. Her workshops target self-care for black and brown women who lead.

Amanda Fludd

LCSW-R

Mental Health Mindfulness Goals • overthinking January 10, 2024 By AMANDA FLUDD 1 Comment

Setting Yourself Up for Failure? What Not to Do When Pursuing Your New Year’s Goals

As the New Year unfolds, setting goals is customary, just as the ball drops. Often, these are lofty ones, the kind we abandon before January even says goodbye. But what if we flipped the script this year? This year, I want to help you figure out how to create goals that resonate with a plan to achieve them. Keep reading to discover how to set goals you’ll be excited to work on all year.

This year, we will reach into our therapist’s toolbox and try mindful goal setting – a practice that focuses on what we want to achieve and how we want to feel as a means to goal attainment. Approaching goal setting mindfully means staying connected to the present, which forces you to focus on what you can control right now. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the future or constrained by our past, but mindfulness disrupts that process.

Why We Should Set Mindful Goals

Think of setting goals as your life’s GPS; they provide direction and a destination. In therapy, we use goals to address issues effectively. Without direction, it’s easy to go through life on auto-pilot doing all the things we “should,” leading to feeling disconnected, lost, or unhappy because we aren’t working on something purposeful. That’s why I encourage you to set goals – to work on something purposeful for yourself.

Where to Start

Reflect on the areas of your life that were neglected or avoided last year or the things that consistently drained your time and energy. These are clues to areas needing attention, such as health, relationships, or personal growth. Ask yourself, what do you want these areas to look like moving forward?

More Prompts for Goal Writing:

Consider specific areas – personal, professional, health, relationships – where setting a goal could lead to positive change.
Think about the legacy you want to leave. What goals align with this?
Imagine what you could achieve physically, professionally, and financially without fear or limits.

This time of year is a nudge to refocus on what genuinely matters. Set goals that move you in that direction.

Mindful Goal Setting for the New Year

Creating an Intentional Inner Space: Begin in a calm environment. Find a quiet spot, take deep breaths, and center yourself. This helps clear your mind and sets the stage for meaningful goal setting.
Acknowledging and Releasing Emotions: It’s natural to feel overwhelmed or sad when reflecting on the past year or planning ahead. Mindfully recognize these feelings without judgment. Ask yourself, “Where am I now, and what can I do with this moment?” “Is this [thought or emotion] helping me.” This will support you in remaining grounded in the present.
Visualizing Success: Focus on how you want to feel when you achieve your goals. Use your senses to strengthen your connection to these goals, making them more tangible and exciting. This boosts your motivation and makes the journey enjoyable.
Focusing on Small, Manageable Steps: Concentrate on small, achievable steps that support your larger vision. This approach reduces anxiety and makes your goals more attainable.
Making Goals Visual: Create a visual representation of your goals, like a vision board or a detailed description. Include emotions, details, and images that embody your aspirations. Seeing your life with these goals already achieved will fuel your success and maintain your motivation throughout the year.

As we step into this New Year, embrace mindful goal setting. It’s about more than reaching a destination; it’s about enjoying the journey, growing along the way, and aligning with the life you want to live. Let’s make this year not just about unchecked resolutions but a time for meaningful growth and possibilities.

The journey towards your goals is as important as the destination. It’s about growth, learning, and enjoying each step along the way. We’re here to walk that path with you. Our events are more than just gatherings; they’re incubators for inspiration, motivation, and actionable strategies. Check out the upcoming Vision Board Event in Brooklyn on 1.14.24: https://findyourglow2024.eventbrite.com

Our services are tailored to help you maintain focus, overcome obstacles, and celebrate every victory, big or small. Looking for a therapist book here.

Keep striving, keep growing, and remember, we’re here to support you in every way we can. Let’s make this year unforgettable.

Warm regards-Amanda Fludd, Psychotherapist, Writer & Coach

what to do with holiday grief. Tips for anxiety in the holidays

Anxiety Mindfulness Self Care Holiday Grief December 18, 2023 By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Holiday Blues Unwrapped: Navigating Anxiety and Grief with the Right Skills

The holidays are not all mistletoe and jingle bells for everyone in the room. For many, this time also cranks up a mixtape of emotions, including the less sung tracks of grief and anxiety. It’s the season of contrast – joyous celebrations shadowed by the absence felt at the dinner table or the pressure to keep up with holiday expectations. But as we teach our clients, both can be okay and true simultaneously. As we navigate this season, our journey isn’t just about the sparkle and shine; it’s about understanding the hum of anxiety and the unexpected shadows of grief. It’s about vulnerability and connections, recognizing the often overlooked links to grief and anxiety, and skillfully embracing the authentic, sometimes messy, spectrum of our holiday experiences.

Beyond the Sparkle: Holiday-Triggered Anxiety and Grief

The holiday season can act as a magnifier for both grief and anxiety. It’s not just about the absence of joy; it’s about the presence of other, more challenging emotions. Anxiety might manifest in worrying excessively about meeting expectations at work or with family as the year winds down, while holiday traditions and preparations can activate grief as it reinforces the realities of missing loved ones or changed relationships, making even simple activities like decorating feel overwhelming.

Hidden Struggles: Recognizing the Silent Signals of Seasonal Anxiety

Several symptoms or reactions related to anxiety and grief are often easily overlooked during the holidays:

Losing Sleep Over Deadlines: The pressure to meet holiday-related deadlines, like shopping and preparations, end-of-year projects, and financial stress, can contribute to significant anxiety and sleep disruptions. Check in with yourself. Are you having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep? Are you Netflixing more than usual?
Avoiding Decorations: For some, setting up holiday decorations can be a painful reminder of lost loved ones, leading to avoidance. Or similar avoidance around family conversations or events. Notice when you turn down invitations and ask yourself what’s coming up and why. What’s behind the heaviness or dread that I feel?
Strain in Relationships: Anxiety and grief can strain relationships, as individuals may withdraw or become irritable under stress, impacting both personal and professional relationships.

Turning the Page: Embracing the Uncomfortable with Curiosity

I couldn’t end this piece without sharing some ideas of what you can do with all the difficult thoughts and feelings you are noticing. Acknowledging it is the beginning. Doing that makes the experience less daunting and often helps the intensity reach a more manageable space. Tracking your experiences may also help you notice emotions and patterns. You can incorporate deep breaths or your favorite activities to ground the mind and body, like workouts, walks, or talking to friends.

Three Wise Moves: Managing Grief and Emotions During Festive Times

Acknowledge the Emotions: Whatever you feel during the holidays is normal. Acknowledging anxiety or grief is the first step to managing them. As the National Library of Medicine points out, “acceptance helps [you] experience less negative emotion in response to stressors” and improves emotional health.
Creatively Navigate Difficult Reminders: Find new ways to honor loved ones or create new traditions that feel right for you. If holiday decorations are a painful reminder, consider creating a special memory space for your loved one or choosing a different decoration style that feels more comforting. At a recent parent workshop on Managing Holiday Stress, we suggested hanging a stocking and filling it with good memories every day until Christmas. Reading those memories or sharing them as a family on Christmas can be a gift to everyone impacted by the loss.
Seek Support: Remember, healing isn’t linear. Reaching out for support can be incredibly beneficial. Whether it’s talking to friends or family, joining a support group, or finally making an appointment with a therapist, getting help can provide you with the tools and resources to better manage grief and anxiety.

You’re Not Alone in the Winter Wonderland

A gentle reminder that experiencing a range of emotions during the holidays is a shared human experience. As alone as the feelings may want you to feel at times, I can tell you, as a Psychotherapist and Mental Health Professional, many people experience heightened anxiety and grief during the holidays. Being open about your experiences with others can be a powerful way to find common ground and mutual support.

This holiday season, if you find yourself grappling with unexpected emotions of anxiety and grief, know that it’s a shared experience for many. You can find a path through this season of your life by acknowledging these feelings, creatively navigating difficult reminders, talking more about them, and asking for help. If this piece resonates with you, consider sharing it with others who might find it helpful. Remember, seeking therapy, especially if you’re experiencing anxiety, can be the missing step toward healing.

You’re not alone, and there’s strength in seeking support.

amanda fludd, licensed psychotherapist. Has a private psychotherapy practice in Long Island New York and Coaching and Speaking Practice

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R, is a Licensed Psychotherapist and Mental Health consultant. She works in partnership with organizations and institutions like schools and corporations to assess an organization’s emotional health, designing customized mental health and wellness workshops to help teams navigate stress, burnout, and trauma so they can thrive well.

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Mental Health Mindfulness coping skills • How to manage my emotions March 14, 2022 By AMANDA FLUDD 3 Comments

The Uninvited House Guest: Emotions

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No one likes to experience worry, embarrassment, shame, anxiety, or the type of intense sadness that feels like a heaviness that will not go away. It’s uncomfortable, intrusive, takes away your sense of control, and often feels like an uninvited guest. If only we could make it go away. Bye girl, and don’t slam my door on the way out!

Yeah, if only.

Who doesn’t want to feel good? We live in a world where sunshine and everlasting rainbows dripped in positivity are constantly promoted. There is nothing wrong with a little bit of positivity, but when it means chasing away those negative feelings at any cost, that’s when it can become problematic. In my work, I’ve come across some pretty creative ways of avoiding feelings:

Never noticing and talking about it
Laughter at awkward times
Shopping sprees
Late-night eating while binge-watching Netflix
Oversleeping
Walking away at the height of an argument
And [enter your habit here]

These may be great momentary fixes, but the truth is, they only serve to invalidate your experiences. Without fail, the uncomfortable emotions will resurface again and run wild, often with greater intensity than before.

Have you ever wondered why your emotions are showing up in the first place? And where you learned to dismiss them? Is it a process you observed while growing up? Or maybe said to you with words like “boys don’t cry,” or hearing phrases like: “you’ll be fine” when it sure doesn’t feel that way at the moment, “toughen up,” or “calm down.”

Invalidation is sneaky, and the consequence is a human who learns not to acknowledge their emotions without judgment or trust their emotional experience. Worse yet, you realize it’s not worth it to open up to others about how you feel because it comes at the uncomfortable risk of again being dismissed or feeling unheard.

If I were to sum it up, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not defective because you worry sometimes, are scared of becoming depressed again or aren’t happy all the time. Our life is richer because of our emotional experiences. Emotions allow us to tune in to what we need. It gives us grounds to ask for clarification and express our needs. It fosters attuned leaders and skills like compassion and creativity. Learning to welcome your emotions gives us a real sense of flexibility, freedom, and control.

practice noticing your emotions, awareness of emotions, managing emotions

So how do you embrace your emotions and get to that kind of magic?

Feelings are just information. One of my favorite books is Visiting Feelings by Lauren Rubenstein. The book invites you to look at your emotions like a guest, but instead of shutting the door in its face, asking it why it’s here. We all experience a wide range of emotions, and to better respond to them, we have to take the time to understand them.

Start with taking some space when you notice a difficult emotion. It may mean excusing yourself from an argument with a scheduled time to return, stepping out of the office for a bathroom break, or closing your eyes for a few moments to disconnect. At that moment, find your breath. Use it to anchor you. Try something like four square breathing. Slowing your breathing allows your automatic nervous system to regulate and brings more ease to your body and your mind. It would look like this:

1. Bring your attention to your breath.

2. Inhale and slowly count for four seconds.

3. Hold for four seconds.

4. Exhale and slowly count for four seconds.

5. Hold for four seconds.

6. Do this four-five times.

When you feel that shift in your emotion or feel overwhelmed, angry, or frantic, pause and just breathe. Once you settle down, you can explore with curiosity the emotions that kicked this off in the first place.

What is it trying to bring to your attention (like maybe you’ve taken on too many tasks, need more support, worry about an outcome, etc.)?

It’s a great way to learn to notice and read your body signals as you would shift in temperature and the weather. This practice can help you recognize and understand the messages that speak to what you need or don’t need to feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Psychotherapist, Mental Health Trainer, Black Therapist, Coach

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is tackling mental health on multiple platforms.

My Thoughts Support My Success

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Anxiety Mindfulness Personal Growth How to calm anxiety • overthinking November 23, 2021 By AMANDA FLUDD 3 Comments

Simple Ways to Calm an Anxious Mind

Do constant worries and anxious thoughts plague you? These three simple tips can help calm your anxious mind and lower your anxiety.

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At any time in the day, do you have at least five things going on in your head and three things happening at your desk simultaneously? When we are constantly trying to problem solve, fix, plan, save or organize something, it can be the gateway to anxiety in your life (well disguised as multitasking or being somebody’s hero).

I see a lot of professional and ambitious women who are constantly on the go and pride themselves on their ability to multitask. They are often surprised that they are overwhelmed, always overthinking, stressed, physically a hot mess, and anxious. Does that sound like you?

What are the symptoms of anxiety?

Feeling nervous, restless, or tense
Having a need to constantly be doing something
On the verge of panic or afraid, you will have a panic attack
Constant worry, overthinking, or feeling like you always need to be doing something
Trouble focusing or making decisions
Disrupted relationships (passive aggression, easily reactive, anxious attachment, fear of rejection)
Avoiding things that trigger anxiety (projects, pending deadlines, socializing, etc.)
Headaches, stomach issues, tiredness, shortness of breath, butterflies in your stomach, sweaty palms, or everything

What anxiety steals

Anxiety not only affects the mind but the bodies of individuals. The most concerning part for the clients I support is it’s a feeling that keeps you from being present in your everyday life. It’s sometimes a false sense of doing, but in fact, you have accomplished much of nothing and drained yourself physically and mentally.

You can inadvertently be involved with multiple projects and ideas, but not giving each the full attention it needs- so really making little progress, missing mistakes, and not as efficient as you could be. You could also be responding to internal fears and avoidance that your busyness gives you the luxury of avoiding. On a day-to-day basis, anxious overthinking, constantly doing, and this drive for constant achievement can make you overlook the details of life. Details like your strengths, success, reasons to smile and celebrate, social connections, opportunities to help and serve- the things that give life meaning and value.

Let’s dive in deeper. How often have you worried, dreaded things that never happened, or thought yourself out of doing something? How often do your worst fears come true? How much time and energy did you spend on those what-if scenarios that could happen in the future? Facts- it only robbed you of the present.

When you are overly focused on future fears, it contributes to anxiety. When we look back too much on past issues and what could’ve been, it kicks up depression, both of which don’t allow you to enjoy what is.

What can you do to calm your anxiety?

The first step is recognizing that you have anxiety. That drive you wear as a badge, the trouble turning your mind off at night, those heart palpitations and GI issues, yup, that’s anxiety and anxiety is exhausting.

It’s valuable to learn to live in the moment and stop waiting until everything is perfect before doing the things we feel we need to do. Mindfulness and the power of stillness and awareness is one way to calm the anxious body and mind.

Tip 1: Infuse Mindfulness Into Your Life

You can improve your health every day by taking time to pause and create space for yourself. By starting a mindfulness practice, you will notice that you can calm your anxious mind. You may first notice how hard it is to sit still or be comfortable with “doing” in a different way. Still, you can interrupt the endless loop of anxious thoughts and worries by being fully engaged in the present moment.

Mindfulness is paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment. That means noticing what you are doing and where you are, without worrying about the future or the past.

Let’s practice: I invite you to take three deep breaths. After each breath follow the instruction.

First breath: Bring your full attention to the breath in your nose and out your nose or mouth. Whatever feels right at this moment.

Second breath: Relax the body. Drop your shoulders.

Third breath: Ask yourself: What’s important right now?

To be clear, the practice of slowing down doesn’t stop the thoughts. Thoughts will come and go while you tune into your breath or your focal point, but the key is to notice and let it go. It’s about not entertaining the bazillion ideas that come to mind. Attachment to these thoughts and outcomes is often where our pain and distress are often rooted.

“When I was walking out of the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew that if I didn’t leave behind my bitterness and hatred, I’d still be in prison.”
Nelson Mandela, after being release from prison

Tip 2: Add a Guide to Strengthen Your Experience

Left up to our devices we sometimes deviate from the plan. An easy way to stay on course is to introduce a guided practice. I often use Stop, Breathe, Think on youtube for guide exercises with clients and they also have an app. Calm.com is also another great option, and to add tapping which is another way to use your brain to reduce stress. Try this example by black Psychologist Damon Silas.

Tip 3: Practice often

Being Mindful is a practice that gets easier the more you do it. So get creative, and RIGHT NOW, think of 5 places or times you can intentionally pause to engage in this practice. My top 3 places:

With clients in session

(Join our next pay what you want mindfulness session for Minority Women who lead here)

In the car before I go into the house after work
After a workout or before bed

The most important thing you can do is give yourself a moment to breathe and be still. Learning how to become still is a gift in itself.

Don’t forget to share where or when you will practice mindfulness in the comments below.

Amanda Fludd, Psychotherapist, Mental Health Trainer & Mindset Coach

Self-improvement