Tag: coping skills

Anxiety Therapy • • • • • • • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Fighting Your Anxiety Can Make It Feel Worseโ€” What to Try Instead.

Dealing with anxiety can be incredibly frustrating and feel like a major inconvenience in your life. It’s normal to find yourself thinking, “Why can’t I just relax?” or “Why can’t I stop being this way and just be normal?”

When we’re overwhelmed by anxiety, our knee-jerk reaction is often to become angry, frustrated, ashamed, or critical of ourselves for feeling that way. We start ruminating over what’s “wrong” with us, fearing our reactions, or wishing we could simply turn the anxiety off. The problem is that none of those responses make the anxiety go away, and it often makes it worse. That’s when many people unknowingly find themselves in a fight with their own anxiety

Why Fighting Anxiety Can Make It Feel Worse

Anxiety is hard enough on its own. What often makes it even harder is the fight that begins inside of you once it shows up. Instead of responding with curiosity, we often respond with criticism. We tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way, try to force the anxiety to disappear, or become frustrated that we can’t simply “calm down.” Before long, we’re no longer just dealing with anxiety, we’re battling ourselves for having it.

You might notice you’re caught in that fight if your inner dialogue sounds like:

  • “I should be able to handle this.”
  • “Why am I always like this?”
  • “This isn’t even a big deal.”
  • “I need to stop feeling this way.”

Or maybe it shows up in your actions instead. You avoid making the phone call. You stay inside because going out feels overwhelming. You procrastinate on the task you’ve been thinking about all week. You replay conversations in your head, search for reassurance, or spend hours trying to figure out why you feel this way. It all makes sense: you’re trying to feel better, but that’s why this fight is so exhausting. The more you argue with your anxiety, the more attention you give it. The more attention you give it, the bigger it begins to feel.

Before you know it, you’re no longer just anxious… you’re anxious about being anxious

The Role of Radical Acceptance in Managing Anxiety

One skill that can help you respond differently is radical acceptance.

Radical acceptance means acknowledging what is happening in the present moment without trying to control it. It is the practice of recognizing, โ€œThis is what I am feeling right now,โ€ even if you do not like it and want things to be different.

At first, accepting anxiety may sound counterproductive, but noticing what’s happening, giving it a name, deciding not to channel your energy into criticism, or what is out of your control, actually helps you to find the control button in your life.

Radical acceptance says I notice this thing happening to me, and I don’t have to be hard on myself for having this experience. It welcomes the experience as an opportunity for learning or adjustments. It doesn’t mean you agree with the experience, but it allows you to stop creatively running from it.

You might say:

โ€œI feel anxious right now. I do not like this feeling, but I do not have to attack myself for having it.โ€

That response creates more space than telling yourself: โ€œI cannot feel like this.โ€

Acceptance Does Not Mean Approval

As we said, accepting your anxiety does not mean that you enjoy it, or want it to remain in a way that continues to interrupt your life. You can accept that you feel anxious and still:

  • use coping strategies
  • leave an unhealthy situation
  • set a boundary
  • ask for support
  • book that therapy appointment to address it
  • work toward reducing your symptoms
  • make changes in your life

We are simply encouraging you to find your healing and stay in the moment without adding shame, blame, or an internal battle. That typically is what makes the experience of anxiety worse.

Coping Statements for Anxiety

Practicing radical acceptance can look like using coping statements, which help ground you in the present moment and remind you that you are in control and able to handle difficult situations and strong emotions. It won’t magically erase anxiety, but it can help you respond to it with more balance and self-compassion.

You might try:

  • โ€œThis feeling is uncomfortable, but I can get through it.โ€
  • โ€œI can feel anxious and still deal with this situation.โ€
  • โ€œI do not have to solve everything in this moment.โ€
  • โ€œI cannot change what has already happened, but I can choose my next step.โ€
  • โ€œFighting this feeling is making it harder. I can relax and breathe and let it float away without judging myself.โ€
  • โ€œI accept this moment as it is.”

Choose one statement that feels believable to you and practice it often.  For example, saying, โ€œEverything is fine,โ€ may not help when you do not feel fine. Saying, โ€œI feel overwhelmed, but I can take one small step,โ€ may feel more honest and grounding.

How to Practice Radical Acceptance When Anxiety Shows Up

The next time you notice your anxiety increasing, try pausing before immediately attempting to push it away.

Start by naming what is happening: โ€œMy chest feels tight. My thoughts are moving quickly. I am worried that something will go wrong.โ€

Then separate what you are experiencing from the story your anxiety may be creating: โ€œI am feeling afraid, but that does not automatically mean something bad will happen.”

Next, if you want deeper insights, ask yourself:

  • What is true in this moment?
  • What part of this situation can I control?
  • What am I trying to force or change right now?
  • What would be a supportive next step?

Your next step may be to take several slow breaths, step outside, write down your thoughts, delay a decision until you feel more grounded, or reach out to someone you trust.

We are not trying to be perfectly calm. Your goal is to bring the feelings down a few degrees and reduce any self-criticism for having a human emotional response. This will create more space for navigating the situation skillfully.

How Anxiety Therapy Can Help

Therapy is a good place to help you put all this together and improve the skills needed to navigate anxiety. It can be difficult to identify your anxiety patterns on your own, or consistently be skillful, especially when they have been present for a long time.

Therapy can help you better understand:

  • what situations tend to activate your anxiety
  • how anxiety shows up in your thoughts and body
  • whether past experiences are influencing current reactions
  • which coping strategies work best for you
  • how to respond without becoming overwhelmed by shame or self-criticism

At Kensho Psychotherapy Services in Nassau County, our therapists help clients explore the experiences beneath anxiety while developing practical ways to manage overthinking, physical tension, avoidance, and intense emotions.

Therapy is not only about learning how to calm down. It can also help you understand why certain situations feel so difficult and build a more compassionate, effective relationship with yourself.

Final Thoughts

Nobody enjoys feeling anxious. However, constantly fighting, judging, or criticizing yourself for having anxiety often makes the experience more intense.

Radical acceptance offers a different approach. It allows you to acknowledge what you are feeling without giving the anxiety complete control over what you do next.

You can feel anxious and still take care of yourself. You can feel uncomfortable and still make a thoughtful decision. You can accept what is happening in the present moment while continuing to work toward healing and change.

Kensho Psychotherapy Services offers anxiety therapy and mental health counseling for adults and teens navigating overthinking, stress, trauma, relationship concerns, and longstanding emotional patterns. Our practice is located in Lynbrook, New York, and we offer online therapy to clients throughout New York State if you can’t make it in person.

To learn more about anxiety therapy or schedule a consultation with Kensho Psychotherapy Services, click Book Appointment.

This piece was written with the help of Mental Health Intern Illiana Townsend, who is passionate about helping others better understand anxiety and develop healthier ways of responding to it.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you believe there is an immediate danger to yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency department.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does accepting anxiety make it worse?
Accepting anxiety does not mean focusing on it or encouraging it to grow. Radical acceptance can help reduce the additional stress caused by fighting, judging, or fearing the anxiety itself.

Can therapy help me understand what triggers my anxiety?
Yes. Therapy can help you identify situations, thoughts, body sensations, and past experiences that may contribute to anxiety. A therapist can also help you develop coping strategies that fit how anxiety specifically shows up in your life.

Do you accept insurance for therapy?

Yes. Kensho Psychotherapy Services accepts several insurance for therapy, including Aetna, 1199SEIU, Oxford, UnitedHealthcare (UHC), Cigna, Northwell Direct, and Lyra EAP. We also welcome private-pay (self-pay) clients.

If you’re unsure whether your insurance is accepted or have questions about using your benefits, we’d be happy to help you understand your options before scheduling your first appointment. Contact us at 347-868-7813 or click HERE, and we’ll guide you through the process.

elf on the shelf goes to therapy.
Child Therapy Mental Health Stress • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

How to Help Your Kids Manage Holiday Stress (Without Losing Your Cool)

Holidays Arenโ€™t Always Magical for Kids

The holidays are often painted as a magical time for kids, full of joy and potential presents but also full of chaos and stress. And just like us, our kids can feel the weight of all that holiday hustle and stress. Whether itโ€™s the pressure of social events, changes in routine, or simply picking up on your stress, kids need support to navigate this busy season. But donโ€™t worryโ€”we have some actionable tips to help your kids manage holiday stress while creating moments of joy and connection.

Why Are They Melting Down Over Elf on the Shelf?

Kids might not know how to express their holiday stress. They may act out, withdraw, or seem anxious. The reality is your childโ€™s brain is still developing. The part responsible for emotional regulationโ€”the prefrontal cortexโ€”wonโ€™t fully mature until theyโ€™re around 25 years old. That means their emotional circuits might trip more often than youโ€™d like, especially during the high-stress holiday season. When your child is frustrated, tired, or overwhelmed, start by naming what they might be feeling. For example, say, โ€œIt looks like youโ€™re feeling frustrated about all the holiday activities or all that’s happening. Letโ€™s talk about it.โ€ Avoid dismissing their emotions with, โ€œYouโ€™re fine.โ€

Acknowledging your childโ€™s feelings may feel counterintuitive, especially if you didnโ€™t grow up with that experience. But think about this: when youโ€™re frustrated or overwhelmed, do you want someone to tell you to calm down or that your feelings don’t matter? Or do you want to be fully seen and heard?

When you gift your child the space to feel heard and understood, youโ€™re not just helping themโ€”youโ€™re healing generations of trauma.

A simple โ€œI see youโ€™re upset. Letโ€™s work through this togetherโ€ can go a long way.

Other Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress

Children do best with predictability, even during the holiday chaos. While schedules might shift, keeping core routines like bedtime, meal times, and quiet moments intact can provide a comforting sense of stability.

Instead of striving for Instagram-worthy moments, focus on what truly matters: connection. Simple activities like baking cookies, watching holiday movies, or reading stories together create meaningful memories that outshine the pressure of a perfectly decorated tree or matching outfits.

Remember, your kids are watching how you handle stress. Show them positive coping skills like deep breathing, taking a short walk, or simply saying, โ€œI need a moment to reset.โ€ When they see you manage stress effectively, theyโ€™re more likely to mimic those behaviors into adulthood.

Your Kids Need a Calmer, Happier You

The holidays are a great time to model self-care for your kids. One of the best gifts you can give them is a calmer, more connected version of yourself. If youโ€™re ready to prioritize your well-being and build stronger family bonds, therapy can help, and we encourage you to reach out to us and book an appointment.

If you know someone having a hard time through the holidays or who could benefit from this blog, please share this with themโ€”it might be the gift they didnโ€™t know they needed.

Related Read: Encouraging Quotes for Women of Color

woman wearing eyeglasses in grayscale photography
Mental Health Mindfulness • By AMANDA FLUDD 3 Comments

The Uninvited House Guest: Emotions

This post contains affiliate links. Read our full disclosureย here.

No one likes to experience worry, embarrassment, shame, anxiety, or the type of intense sadness that feels like a heaviness that will not go away. Itโ€™s uncomfortable, intrusive, takes away your sense of control, and often feels like an uninvited guest. If only we could make it go away.ย Bye girl, and donโ€™t slam my door on the way out!ย 

Yeah, if only. 

Who doesnโ€™t want to feel good? We live in a world where sunshine and everlasting rainbows dripped in positivity are constantly promoted. There is nothing wrong with a little bit of positivity, but when it means chasing away those negative feelings at any cost, thatโ€™s when it can become problematic. In my work, Iโ€™ve come across some pretty creative ways of avoiding feelings:ย 

  • Never noticing and talking about it 
  • Laughter at awkward times
  • Shopping sprees
  • Late-night eating while binge-watching Netflix
  • Oversleeping 
  • Walking away at the height of an argument 
  • And [enter your habit here]

These may be great momentary fixes, but the truth is, they only serve to invalidate your experiences. Without fail, the uncomfortable emotions will resurface again and run wild, often with greater intensity than before.ย 

Have you ever wondered why your emotions are showing up in the first place? And where you learned to dismiss them? Is it a process you observed while growing up? Or maybe said to you with words like โ€œboys donโ€™t cry,โ€ or hearing phrases like: โ€œyouโ€™ll be fineโ€ when it sure doesnโ€™t feel that way at the moment, โ€œtoughen up,โ€ or โ€œcalm down.โ€ย 

Invalidation is sneaky, and the consequence is a human who learns not to acknowledge their emotions without judgment or trust their emotional experience. Worse yet, you realize itโ€™s not worth it to open up to others about how you feel because it comes at the uncomfortable risk of again being dismissed or feeling unheard. 

If I were to sum it up, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not defective because you worry sometimes, are scared of becoming depressed again or arenโ€™t happy all the time. Our life is richer because of our emotional experiences. Emotions allow us to tune in to what we need. It gives us grounds to ask for clarification and express our needs. It fosters attuned leaders and skills like compassion and creativity. Learning to welcome your emotions gives us a real sense of flexibility, freedom, and control.

practice noticing your emotions, awareness of emotions, managing emotions

So how do you embrace your emotions and get to that kind of magic? 

Feelings are just information. One of my favorite books is Visiting Feelings by Lauren Rubenstein. The book invites you to look at your emotions like a guest, but instead of shutting the door in its face, asking it why itโ€™s here. We all experience a wide range of emotions, and to better respond to them, we have to take the time to understand them. 

Start with taking some space when you notice a difficult emotion. It may mean excusing yourself from an argument with a scheduled time to return, stepping out of the office for a bathroom break, or closing your eyes for a few moments to disconnect. At that moment, find your breath. Use it to anchor you. Try something like four square breathing. Slowing your breathing allows your automatic nervous system to regulate and brings more ease to your body and your mind. It would look like this:

1. Bring your attention to your breath.  

2. Inhale and slowly count for four seconds. 

3. Hold for four seconds. 

4. Exhale and slowly count for four seconds.  

5. Hold for four seconds.

6. Do this four-five times. 

When you feel that shift in your emotion or feel overwhelmed, angry, or frantic, pause and just breathe. Once you settle down, you can explore with curiosity the emotions that kicked this off in the first place. 

What is it trying to bring to your attention (like maybe youโ€™ve taken on too many tasks, need more support, worry about an outcome, etc.)?

Itโ€™s a great way to learn to notice and read your body signals as you would shift in temperature and the weather. This practice can help you recognize and understand the messages that speak to what you need or donโ€™t need to feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally.ย 

Psychotherapist, Mental Health Trainer, Black Therapist, Coach

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is aย Licensed Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is tackling mental health on multiple platforms.

Related Reads:

15 Quotes to Calm Your Anxiety as an Entrepreneur

My Thoughts Support My Success

Disclaimer: There are affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you decide to buy to support our tea-drinking habits at no cost to you. 

Anxiety Mental Health Self Care Self-improvement Stress Therapy • • • • • • • By AMANDA FLUDD 0 Comments

Brilliant Ways To Manage High Functioning Anxiety

by: Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R

Anxiety affects over 40 million people worldwide, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. It is one of the top 3 reasons people come into therapy. When you think about anxiety you usually correlate it with easily flustered, nervous, scared, and constricted because of impossible thoughts about uncertain outcomes. All of the above is true, but most recently weโ€™ve seen an increase in successful clients at Kensho Psychotherapy, who can achieve high levels of success because of their anxiety, but still find themselves unhappy, anxious, and overwhelmed. High-functioning anxiety is the term used to describe folks who are ambitious, high achievers, and also anxious. Didnโ€™t know that was a thing did you? Well, it is. You would be surprised to know that anxiety for them is constant and unpleasant, even though their accomplishments make it seem like everything is extraordinary. They however, secretly canโ€™t enjoy their success, and are constantly at war with themselves and relentless expectations.

So how do you know if this is you? It may look like this:

โ€ข To-do lists for the to-do list
โ€ข Always expecting the worst in terms of your performance despite prior success (those are conveniently forgotten)
โ€ข A high demand for excellence that may show up as perfectionism
โ€ข Mental and physical exhaustion
โ€ข Constant overthinking or worry
โ€ข Jam-packed schedule due to an inability to say โ€œnoโ€
โ€ข The Workaholic – staying late to do just one more thing and not hesitating to take work home
โ€ข Never satisfied with gains and already thinking about whatโ€™s next
โ€ข Procrastination galore
โ€ข A clandestine fear of failure

 

Are you thinking, โ€œYes that is me?.โ€ Often those who suffer from high functioning anxiety may ask themselves, โ€œHow did I get here?โ€. It can evolve from genetics, brain chemistry, or in response to personal life events (like a deep fear of failing and becoming like your parents, or underlying feelings of shame or guilt related to a trauma, so you work hard, ALL THE TIME) and is often an automatic process that is out your control.

Regardless of the reason, itโ€™s not your fault! You may not have total control over the chemical make-up of your brain, and you certainly didnโ€™t choose your life circumstances, but now itโ€™s up TO YOU to figure it out.

 

This is where brilliance comes in to restore balance:

1. Get grounded. Clear your mind and recharge your energy by practicing techniques such as deep breathing and focusing on the present. When you are fully present, or have the mental dexterity to bring yourself back using your breath, it reduces anxiety. Think of it as training your mind to come back to center or back โ€œhome.โ€

Letโ€™s practice:
Follow Your Breath

Dim the lights or close your eyes, and as you inhale (big breath in), trace the air as it enters your nose or mouth and goes into your lungs, and as you exhale (release), follow the air leaving your lungs and exiting your nose or mouth. Repeat for a few breaths.

This grounding technique gets more effective with practice. The key is to pay attention to your breathing, notice if your mind wanders, and if it does, say โ€œthatโ€™s okโ€ and gently bring it back to the breath. Let your body lead and your mind will follow. Set a timer and try it for 2-3 minutes and build your practice from there.

Pause and Regroup

2. Evaluate your lifestyle – Gain the upper hand by treating your body like the queen or king that it is. Commit to going to bed an hour earlier every day this week to get more sleep (ok, pick one night to start), get in at least one healthy meal (go light on the carbs), and embrace some form of exercise. These slight changes are rejuvenating and helps you better tackle the mental mind field of anxiety.

Repeating to yourself “you got this” or another mantra while doing deep breathing exercises may be effective to reduce the experience of anxiety.

3. Utilize mantras – a positive personal statement that counters those unhelp automatic thoughts like โ€œIโ€™m never going to be successfulโ€ or โ€œI messed upโ€. It can work wonders on one’s self-esteem, confidence, and even create a calming effect for you and your frazzled nerves. Try one like: โ€œI am ____โ€ and fill in the blank with what you need, like capable or strong. You can also try one of acknowledgment and reassurance, like โ€œI am scared and Iโ€™m going to do this anywayโ€. There are even apps for this, so get connected and be consistent with your practice.

4. Practice saying โ€œnoโ€ – often those with high-functioning anxiety overextend themselves by saying yes to every invitation thrown their way. Do yourself a favor and say โ€œno thanksโ€ every once in a while. You donโ€™t even need to explain yourself or feel bad about it because having a healthy mind and choosing you first is reason enough.

5. Ask for help – You may be thinking, โ€œI donโ€™t want to burden anyone with my problems.โ€ Many who struggle with these issues suffer in silence. Keep in mind that while deep breathing and affirmations go a long way, at some point you have to tackle the core issues you are probably avoiding. This is where therapy is dope and can help anxiety sufferers understand their love hate relationship with anxiety, unpack core beliefs, and teach how to break up with anxiety and enjoy your success. You deserve that.

 

Kensho Psychotherapy Services is located in Valley Stream, NY and specializes in Anxiety, Depression, and Trauma. Amanda Fludd LCSW-R is the Executive Director.

Anxiety Children Therapy Individual Treatment Mental Health NYC Therapist Self-improvement Therapy Trauma • • By AMANDA FLUDD 1 Comment

Finding A Therapist That Works For You

So, you’ve finally decided it’s time to see a therapist, only to find out there are many types of professionals, including Psychiatrists, Social Workers, LCSWโ€™s, Ph.Dโ€™s, and MHCโ€™s, who address many issues like childhood trauma, depression after a job loss, managing a break up, life transitions and more, which can make the search confusing. It’s important to know it can take a bit of research, time, trial and error, and patience.

To help you better navigate finding a therapist or mental health provider, we have compiled a super easy list below. Several professionals across the U.S. have joined in collaboration of this project, including Amanda Fludd, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW-R) and NYC Therapist, to give you all the tools you need to navigate the challenging task of finding a psychotherapist.

 

  1. Start with a Licensed Professional. A licensed professional means the person in front of you has had to meet a standard of supervised training and education and took an exam designated by their State governing body to earn their license. Their license usually also requires them to take additional training to maintain their license, so they are constantly learning and growing. If someone is unlicensed, you will want to ask if they are supervised by a licensed professional (get their name and research them), and how that would work in your case. Some limited permit holders or interns are examples of unlicensed professionals who can help, if they have quality supervision and regular oversight to best address your

 

  1. The fit. Knowing yourself and the type of person you best respond to is essential in this process. For example, if you’ve experienced a traumatic experience with a male, you may not be ready to talk openly and honestly with a male therapist. In general, you want to feel comfortable with your When looking for one, something about their description when researching should speak to your need. Fit is important to us at Kensho Psychotherapy Services. From the initial consult, we are listening to your needs and assessing who on the team would be a good fit.

We always recommend staying with your therapist for at least two months to see if a working therapeutic relationship can develop where you are open, youโ€™ve developed goals, and feel like you are doing work in therapy. Therapy is a beautiful working process, and sometimes it’s just not the right fit for the client and therapist. You as the client, may also come to realize you may not be ready to commit to the time therapy requires, or face deep emotional work, and on the other hand, the therapist may recognize your needs like complex trauma, anxiety or chronic depression are out their scope of practice, and in that case refer you out. If you just want general support and direction, and less intensive work, you may benefit more from a counselor, that unlicensed intern, or a life coach. At Kensho Psychotherapy we treat the difficult and offer deep connections and strategies and specifically specialize in general anxiety, depression, trauma work and minority mental health.

  1. Be patient. As more people are looking for therapy, it means there may be wait-lists and trouble getting through to someone on the other line. It helps to reach out to multiple providers that may be a fit and leave a message with your concern, type of insurance, and the best number that you can be reached. Donโ€™t be discouraged if you donโ€™t reach the first person you call. Other places to look include Psychologytoday.com, Therapy for Black Girls, or just reach out to usย here, and we will do our best to connect you.

4. Iโ€™ve found someone, now what? It is important to know that everyone is nervous for the firstย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย appointment and your therapist will be asking you lots of questions to figure out whatโ€™s going on, and ifย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย they can help. You can also ask questions too because you need to know if this is a potential match for youย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย as well. Just go right with this list and ask:

  • Have you treated other clients with my particular issue?
  • Do you have a niche you enjoy working with? What about a particular clinical approach? Can you tell me more about that?
  • What will sessions look like?
  • What happens if Iโ€™m not comfortable, and this isnโ€™t working out, how would we end services?
  • How long have you been practicing and are you a licensed professional?
  • If unlicensed, what has your training looked like and are you under supervision? Can I have your supervisors name.
  • Is it easy to reach you, how can I reach you in an emergency, or non-emergency?

 

Therapy isn’t always pretty; it’s work. With these tips, you are well on your way to finding a good connection on your journey to a healthier and more balanced you.

 

The Kensho Psychotherapy Team

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