Fighting Your Anxiety Can Make It Feel Worse— What to Try Instead.
Dealing with anxiety can be incredibly frustrating and feel like a major inconvenience in your life. It’s normal to find yourself thinking, “Why can’t I just relax?” or “Why can’t I stop being this way and just be normal?”
When we’re overwhelmed by anxiety, our knee-jerk reaction is often to become angry, frustrated, ashamed, or critical of ourselves for feeling that way. We start ruminating over what’s “wrong” with us, fearing our reactions, or wishing we could simply turn the anxiety off. The problem is that none of those responses make the anxiety go away, and it often makes it worse. That’s when many people unknowingly find themselves in a fight with their own anxiety
Why Fighting Anxiety Can Make It Feel Worse
Anxiety is hard enough on its own. What often makes it even harder is the fight that begins inside of you once it shows up. Instead of responding with curiosity, we often respond with criticism. We tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way, try to force the anxiety to disappear, or become frustrated that we can’t simply “calm down.” Before long, we’re no longer just dealing with anxiety, we’re battling ourselves for having it.
You might notice you’re caught in that fight if your inner dialogue sounds like:
- “I should be able to handle this.”
- “Why am I always like this?”
- “This isn’t even a big deal.”
- “I need to stop feeling this way.”
Or maybe it shows up in your actions instead. You avoid making the phone call. You stay inside because going out feels overwhelming. You procrastinate on the task you’ve been thinking about all week. You replay conversations in your head, search for reassurance, or spend hours trying to figure out why you feel this way. It all makes sense: you’re trying to feel better, but that’s why this fight is so exhausting. The more you argue with your anxiety, the more attention you give it. The more attention you give it, the bigger it begins to feel.
Before you know it, you’re no longer just anxious… you’re anxious about being anxious
The Role of Radical Acceptance in Managing Anxiety
One skill that can help you respond differently is radical acceptance.
Radical acceptance means acknowledging what is happening in the present moment without trying to control it. It is the practice of recognizing, “This is what I am feeling right now,” even if you do not like it and want things to be different.
At first, accepting anxiety may sound counterproductive, but noticing what’s happening, giving it a name, deciding not to channel your energy into criticism, or what is out of your control, actually helps you to find the control button in your life.
Radical acceptance says I notice this thing happening to me, and I don’t have to be hard on myself for having this experience. It welcomes the experience as an opportunity for learning or adjustments. It doesn’t mean you agree with the experience, but it allows you to stop creatively running from it.
You might say:
“I feel anxious right now. I do not like this feeling, but I do not have to attack myself for having it.”
That response creates more space than telling yourself: “I cannot feel like this.”
Acceptance Does Not Mean Approval
As we said, accepting your anxiety does not mean that you enjoy it, or want it to remain in a way that continues to interrupt your life. You can accept that you feel anxious and still:
- use coping strategies
- leave an unhealthy situation
- set a boundary
- ask for support
- book that therapy appointment to address it
- work toward reducing your symptoms
- make changes in your life
We are simply encouraging you to find your healing and stay in the moment without adding shame, blame, or an internal battle. That typically is what makes the experience of anxiety worse.
Coping Statements for Anxiety
Practicing radical acceptance can look like using coping statements, which help ground you in the present moment and remind you that you are in control and able to handle difficult situations and strong emotions. It won’t magically erase anxiety, but it can help you respond to it with more balance and self-compassion.
You might try:
- “This feeling is uncomfortable, but I can get through it.”
- “I can feel anxious and still deal with this situation.”
- “I do not have to solve everything in this moment.”
- “I cannot change what has already happened, but I can choose my next step.”
- “Fighting this feeling is making it harder. I can relax and breathe and let it float away without judging myself.”
- “I accept this moment as it is.”
Choose one statement that feels believable to you and practice it often. For example, saying, “Everything is fine,” may not help when you do not feel fine. Saying, “I feel overwhelmed, but I can take one small step,” may feel more honest and grounding.
How to Practice Radical Acceptance When Anxiety Shows Up
The next time you notice your anxiety increasing, try pausing before immediately attempting to push it away.
Start by naming what is happening: “My chest feels tight. My thoughts are moving quickly. I am worried that something will go wrong.”
Then separate what you are experiencing from the story your anxiety may be creating: “I am feeling afraid, but that does not automatically mean something bad will happen.”
Next, if you want deeper insights, ask yourself:
- What is true in this moment?
- What part of this situation can I control?
- What am I trying to force or change right now?
- What would be a supportive next step?
Your next step may be to take several slow breaths, step outside, write down your thoughts, delay a decision until you feel more grounded, or reach out to someone you trust.
We are not trying to be perfectly calm. Your goal is to bring the feelings down a few degrees and reduce any self-criticism for having a human emotional response. This will create more space for navigating the situation skillfully.
How Anxiety Therapy Can Help
Therapy is a good place to help you put all this together and improve the skills needed to navigate anxiety. It can be difficult to identify your anxiety patterns on your own, or consistently be skillful, especially when they have been present for a long time.
Therapy can help you better understand:
- what situations tend to activate your anxiety
- how anxiety shows up in your thoughts and body
- whether past experiences are influencing current reactions
- which coping strategies work best for you
- how to respond without becoming overwhelmed by shame or self-criticism
At Kensho Psychotherapy Services in Nassau County, our therapists help clients explore the experiences beneath anxiety while developing practical ways to manage overthinking, physical tension, avoidance, and intense emotions.
Therapy is not only about learning how to calm down. It can also help you understand why certain situations feel so difficult and build a more compassionate, effective relationship with yourself.
Final Thoughts
Nobody enjoys feeling anxious. However, constantly fighting, judging, or criticizing yourself for having anxiety often makes the experience more intense.
Radical acceptance offers a different approach. It allows you to acknowledge what you are feeling without giving the anxiety complete control over what you do next.
You can feel anxious and still take care of yourself. You can feel uncomfortable and still make a thoughtful decision. You can accept what is happening in the present moment while continuing to work toward healing and change.
Kensho Psychotherapy Services offers anxiety therapy and mental health counseling for adults and teens navigating overthinking, stress, trauma, relationship concerns, and longstanding emotional patterns. Our practice is located in Lynbrook, New York, and we offer online therapy to clients throughout New York State if you can’t make it in person.
To learn more about anxiety therapy or schedule a consultation with Kensho Psychotherapy Services, click Book Appointment.
This piece was written with the help of Mental Health Intern Illiana Townsend, who is passionate about helping others better understand anxiety and develop healthier ways of responding to it.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you believe there is an immediate danger to yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency department.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does accepting anxiety make it worse?
Accepting anxiety does not mean focusing on it or encouraging it to grow. Radical acceptance can help reduce the additional stress caused by fighting, judging, or fearing the anxiety itself.
Can therapy help me understand what triggers my anxiety?
Yes. Therapy can help you identify situations, thoughts, body sensations, and past experiences that may contribute to anxiety. A therapist can also help you develop coping strategies that fit how anxiety specifically shows up in your life.
Do you accept insurance for therapy?
Yes. Kensho Psychotherapy Services accepts several insurance for therapy, including Aetna, 1199SEIU, Oxford, UnitedHealthcare (UHC), Cigna, Northwell Direct, and Lyra EAP. We also welcome private-pay (self-pay) clients.
If you’re unsure whether your insurance is accepted or have questions about using your benefits, we’d be happy to help you understand your options before scheduling your first appointment. Contact us at 347-868-7813 or click HERE, and we’ll guide you through the process.
