You’re Hitting Those Vision Board Goals. But Is Your Healing Keeping Up?
The life you’re building deserves a version of you who feels as good as she looks on paper.
There’s something about watching a woman step into her own. She’s making moves, opening doors, taking chances on herself, and finally seeing some of those vision board goals become her actual life.
And I love that for her.
But I’ve also been thinking about the parts of ourselves that don’t always keep up with the lives we’re building.
You can be a powerhouse in your own right. The person who handles things, leads the team, builds the business, figures out the next move. You know how to get things done.
But you also know when something in your gut doesn’t feel safe.
When your confidence disappears in a particular room. When someone’s words stay with you longer than they should. When you find yourself questioning a decision you were perfectly comfortable with yesterday.
And then there’s the stuff you don’t even talk about.
The deep doubts. The trauma you haven’t found the words for. The relationship you never fully processed. The things that hurt so much you’ve learned to live around them instead of addressing them.
I’m not even talking about the things you can clearly see. I’m talking about the stuff in that back closet.
You know the quiet things I’m talking about. I see you.
The place where you’ve tucked away everything you didn’t have the time, energy, or emotional capacity to deal with. You closed the door, straightened yourself up, and went right back to being the woman everyone knows you to be.
And for a while, that works, until one day, something happens.
A comment. A disappointment. An unexpected loss. A relationship that brings up something familiar. Maybe even an incredible opportunity that suddenly has you questioning whether you’re good enough.
And that one thing sets off a flood of emotions you thought you had under control.
They weren’t resolved. They were just sitting in the closet.
Being Busy Can Become a Convenient Reason Not to Heal
I know how much you have going on. And I know that finding time for yourself isn’t always as simple as moving a few things around on your calendar.
But I also think we have to be willing to ask ourselves some uncomfortable questions.
How long have you been telling yourself you’ll get to your healing when things slow down?
How many times have you said I’m good, because explaining what you’re really feeling would require a conversation you don’t have the energy for?
And how much of what you’ve been calling ambition is actually pressure you’ve carried so long you don’t know how to put it down?
Because there’s a difference between being driven and being driven by fear.
There’s a difference between wanting to do excellent work and feeling like one mistake will prove you’re not good enough.
There’s a difference between being responsible and believing everything will fall apart if you stop holding it together.
And there’s a difference between choosing to move forward and staying in motion because slowing down would mean feeling something you’ve been avoiding.
Avoidance is not a cure.
It may have helped you get through a difficult season. It may even have been necessary at the time. But that doesn’t mean it has to remain your way of coping.
Sometimes being busy is about having a full life. Other times, it gives us a very convincing reason not to open that closet.
The problem is that we don’t always get to decide when something inside it comes spilling out.
You’re Doing Amazing Things. But How Do You Actually Feel About Yourself?
In my work as a trauma therapist, I spend a lot of time with highly driven women who are doing amazing things. Women with careers, businesses, families, big ideas, and responsibilities that matter.
One thing I’ve noticed is that how they show up for the world isn’t always how they feel about themselves.
Someone else may see a confident leader, while inside she’s questioning every decision.
She can negotiate a contract, manage a team, and handle difficult conversations at work. But when it comes to setting a boundary in her personal life, suddenly she’s wondering if she’s asking for too much.
She knows she’s qualified for the opportunity, but her body responds as though she’s about to be exposed.
And sometimes that’s the hardest part to explain.
Because intellectually, you know better.
You know you’ve earned your place. You know that relationship wasn’t healthy. You know one person’s opinion doesn’t define you.
But knowing something and feeling safe enough to believe it are not always the same thing.
That’s why I love the deeper work we do in trauma therapy.
As an EMDR-trained therapist, one thing I appreciate about this approach is that we can go beyond talking about these patterns and start addressing the experiences and beliefs connected to them.
We can get curious about where that I’m not enough belief came from. Why your body reacts so strongly to certain situations. Why an experience from years ago can still shape how you feel about yourself today.
Not everything we work through has to be a major traumatic event, either. Sometimes it’s anxiety, persistent self-doubt, a painful relationship, an experience of rejection, or a belief about yourself that has followed you into every new chapter.
Those experiences may be part of your story. They don’t have to keep shaping every decision you make.
What If Relief Didn’t Have to Take So Much From You?
I think one of the things that keeps women from seeking therapy is the idea that healing is going to require so much from them.
More time. More emotional energy. Another standing appointment. Another responsibility added to an already full calendar.
And listen, healing does require something of us. I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
But it doesn’t always have to look the way you’ve imagined.
Sometimes it’s less about finding endless amounts of time and more about being intentional with the time you decide to give yourself.
Part of my work as a trauma therapist is curating healing experiences that make sense for the person sitting in front of me. That includes understanding your goals, what you’ve been carrying, how ready you feel to address it, and what kind of support will help you move through the process.
It’s also why I offer EMDR and trauma intensives as part of my practice.
An intensive gives us a dedicated block of therapeutic time instead of relying only on weekly sessions.
And I know how much you value your time.
Maybe taking an hour out of your workweek every Tuesday feels impossible right now. Maybe you’ve started therapy before but struggled to keep the momentum going between appointments. Or maybe you’re carrying something specific, and you’re finally ready to give it your attention.
An intensive creates space for us to do just that.
And it doesn’t have to be about what you’d traditionally call trauma. We may be addressing anxiety, self-doubt, a painful experience, or that not enough belief that keeps showing up no matter how much you accomplish.
Have You Ever Considered an EMDR Intensive?
Here’s what I especially love about this approach.
We don’t have to spend every session getting back into the work, only to wrap up just as we’re getting somewhere meaningful.
With an intensive, we have more continuous time to explore what comes up, work through distressing experiences, and notice the shifts happening along the way.
Depending on your needs, that might look like a few 90-minute sessions.
Or my personal favorite: a Saturday morning where we set aside three to six hours for focused therapeutic work.
For some people, that uninterrupted time can create meaningful progress that might otherwise be spread across several months of weekly appointments. Of course, that varies from person to person, and an intensive doesn’t guarantee faster results.
We also don’t jump straight into processing without preparation. We take time to make sure you feel grounded, supported, and ready for the experience.
I recently added sound healing to my practice as another way to support relaxation and create a more intentional therapeutic experience when appropriate. I’m excited about what that can add to the work.
Because I want healing to feel like something you’re choosing for yourself, not another obligation you’re trying to squeeze into your life.
It’s dedicated time to address what you’ve been carrying.
Time to be supported.
Time to consider what might become possible when you aren’t responding to everything through the lens of something that hurt you years ago.
But How Do You Know If EMDR Is Actually Working?
This is one of the questions I get most, and it’s a good one.
Because EMDR doesn’t always feel like what we expect therapy to feel like.
Sometimes memories come up in pieces. Sometimes you notice sensations in your body. Sometimes your mind makes connections you weren’t expecting.
And sometimes you leave a session wondering whether anything happened at all.
In a recent video, I talk about this very question after an EMDR experience where the person wasn’t sure at first that the session had worked. But as we explored what she noticed afterward, she began to recognize that her relationship with something that used to cause her significant anxiety had changed.
That matters.
Because healing isn’t always about some dramatic emotional breakthrough.
Sometimes it’s realizing you can approach a situation without the same dread.
That you can remember something painful without feeling like you’re reliving it.
That the thing that once made you question yourself doesn’t have quite the same hold on you anymore.
I also share my own experience with EMDR and how it changed my emotional response to a car accident I’d been carrying for years.
The memory didn’t disappear.
My relationship with it changed.
And sometimes that’s what creates room for us to move forward differently.
Watch: What Does EMDR Feel Like When It’s Working?
In this video, I break down what EMDR can feel like, how to recognize progress, why the changes aren’t always obvious at first, and what makes intensive sessions different from traditional weekly therapy.
You Are Worth the Time
Here’s what I want to leave you with.
I’m not asking you to stop pursuing your goals, slow down your ambition, or make your life smaller.
Please, keep going after the things you want.
But as you update that vision board, make those investments, and plan your next chapter, I want you to think about the woman who gets to experience all of it. Not just what she’s accomplishing, but how she’s feeling. How she’s showing up in her relationships. Whether she trusts herself. Whether she can enjoy what she’s created without constantly bracing for something to go wrong.
And whether there are still parts of her that need some attention.
You are worth the time it takes to explore those parts.
You’re worth investing in an experience that is just for you.
And you’re worth finding out what a more healed version of you might feel like as you move through this world.
You don’t have to wait for the closet door to burst open before you decide to look at what’s inside.
If you’ve been putting your healing aside, maybe this is your invitation to reconsider what making time for yourself could look like.
And if an EMDR intensive sounds like something you’d like to explore, I’d love to help you figure out whether it’s the right fit.
Explore EMDR Intensives at Kensho Psychotherapy Services →
Reads You Might Like
- Trauma & Anxiety Therapy for the Strong Ones
For the woman who’s always been the dependable one but carries more emotionally than people realize. - Girl, How Long Are We Going to Keep Talking About the Same Thing
- What Is an EMDR Intensive? How It May Help With Anxiety
The practical follow-up if you’re curious about EMDR and whether an intensive might fit your life.
Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R, is a trauma therapist and Executive Director of Kensho Psychotherapy Services in Lynbrook, New York. She specializes in EMDR therapy and offers focused therapy intensives for adults ready to address the experiences, beliefs, and emotional patterns that may be holding them back.
Podcast — Grace, Growth & Business: https://gracegrowthandbusiness.buzzsprout.com · EMDR Intensives: https://amandafludd.com/therapyintensive/ · Contact: amanda@amandafludd.com · amandafludd.com/individual-therapy
