Mental health encompasses more than just our emotions; it’s influenced by our actions, diet, and thoughts. A comprehensive self-care plan can significantly improve your mental well-being by taking inventory of your entire life, honing in on what you’re doing well and where you might need additional support. This plan is a vital tool in therapy, guiding clients toward taking ownership of their mental health.
Creating a self-care plan helps identify gaps in your current routine and highlights areas needing attention. It’s like driving a car; you can only ignore that check engine light for so long.
Get Honest About the Barriers in Therapy
During therapy sessions, we have open, honest conversations about these barriers. Therapist Tamara Dopwell shared this reflection: “When clients identify that their thoughts are the problem, we go further and dig deeper—How often are we thinking negatively? We explore where this behavior was learned.” With honest conversations and the right clinical skills, we can unpack the false narratives that have taken root, something we do with care and compassion for our clients, entering these spaces with curiosity and leaning into the discomfort to dismantle the untruths.
This journey is about reclaiming your power and embracing the dope, transformative process of self-discovery and healing.
Take Action and Start the Journey
If you’re ready to take charge of your mental health, consider booking a session with one of our therapists at Kensho Psychotherapy. We offer virtual appointments and accept various insurances, including Cigna, Aetna, 1199, BCBS, UBH, Oxford, and Northwell Direct. Don’t wait to start your journey toward better mental health. We recognize it’s sometimes difficult to prioritize your needs, but the benefits are well worth it.
Take the first step today. Book a session with our therapists. If you are already in therapy, we encourage you to think about how you can be more honest and open on your journey. It’s not easy, but it will only help with your healing.
Tamara Dopwell, LMSW, is currently a Psychotherapist at Kensho Psychotherapy. We appreciate her work with children, families, and women. If you reside in NY and would like to inquire about therapy, call us at: 347-868-7813.
It’s easy to lose sight of our goals and values when we’re busy on the move chasing our list of expectations and responsibilities. Most of us can do it with our eyes closed on autopilot.
Autopilot is the opposite of awareness.
Autopilot is where we go when we are tired of how hard it is to be successful in this country. It’s where the familiar is dialed up, but our minds are practically on mute, not engaged with driving to work, leading teams, cleaning the house, ubering the kids to their activities, or binging shows on the couch at 1:58 am. For black and brown women, it can be our haven from power struggles and being “the only” in the room, but it’s also where we lose ourselves.
Something about it feels good, but something also feels so far from the self you want to be. So how do we find her again? How do we come back into awareness and reconnect to something that gives us life? This is where the importance of self-care for Black and Brown women becomes a necessity.
Switching Off Autopilot: The Journey Back to Self
Learn how to do nothing.
It is a scary concept to embrace when we’ve established that success only comes by hard work. We are constantly in motion, in what feels like a never-ending loop where achievement is idolized, and being busy is flaunted as a mark of distinction. Instead, I wan’t to offer the profound strength found in the practice of retreating to a place of pause.Â
You should try something: picture yourself stepping into a quiet space, away from all the noise, where you can deepen your thought process and listen to your heart. Instituting periods of pause isn’t about running away; it’s about running toward a deeper understanding of your aspirations and dreams. Feeling connected and powerful again lies in asking ourselves if we’re living in alignment with our true selves—and having the courage to adjust our sails if we’re not.
From Historical Figures to Us: The Essential Retreat
Historical and spiritual narratives remind us of the importance of this practice. Take Jesus, for example. Amid his teachings and miracles, he found it essential to retreat to the Garden of Gethsemane. This wasn’t a timeout but a deliberate choice to reconnect, reassess, and recharge. If such a moment was crucial for him, why wouldn’t it be for us? It’s a compelling reminder that taking time to realign and refill is beneficial and necessary.
Filling Your Cup
So, when was the last time you allowed yourself this kind of retreat? When did you last recognize the signs of burnout or disconnect and decide to do something about it? We’re talking about stepping back to fill your cup, to rediscover yourself, to ensure you are not just moving but moving in the right direction with your tank full and spirits high.
Remembering who you are, or intentionally trying to discover that, is a radical act of care. The premise is what led us to create the Renew Connect Restore Annual Retreat, especially for Black and Brown women. We know firsthand the transformative impact of retreats. Retreats are not escapes but vital experiences for growth, deep reflection, and the joy of rediscovery, surrounded by similar women pouring into you. With workshops on leadership, health, entrepreneurship, identity, mental well-being, and finding one’s purpose, we offer a safe emotional space to release the responsibilities and rest, find inspiration, and enjoy whatever location we retreat to. This year, its Bali.
Intentionally building quiet moments into our lives allows us to stop, think, and connect with what we genuinely want. This habit helps us sift through the chaos, identifying what genuinely matters to us versus what keeps us busy. Â
Practicing A Retreat to Pause to Rediscover Self
Here are a few journal prompts to guide you:
What’s been taking up most of my headspace, and how can stepping back help me see clearer?
Where am I out of alignment with my core values when considering my personal and professional life?
What does ‘filling my cup’ look like, and who or what can help me achieve that?
Reflect on your current commitments and tasks. Which tasks need my immediate attention, and which ones can I let go of or don’t need to worry about at all? I’ll think about the power and freedom in simply saying no. What can I delegate or cut out of my schedule to make space for the things that truly matter to me? How will clearing this clutter help me zero in on the projects and goals aligning with my deeper purpose?
What can I commit to in the next three months, this month, and even today that can help me discover what fuels my joy?
These exercises is an opportunity to connect you back to living a present, bold, and audacious life. It’s your reminder to navigate what is in your control and wake up to this experience called your life.
An Invitation to Nurture Yourself
Ready to carve out that much-needed space for yourself? We’re extending an open invitation to you. Join our community and stay informed about our retreats, workshops, and other experiences designed with your growth and restoration in mind. Subscribe to our mailing list, and let’s continue this growth journey together.
How are you going to work on rediscovering yourself?
Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women in business. Her joy is addressing mental health on multiple levels, from the boardroom to stages with dynamic keynote speeches to therapy on the couch. Her workshops target self-care for black and brown women who lead.
The phrase “new year, new me” is particularly popular within the first quarter of the New Year. Individuals may purchase calendars to become organized and set new goals, clean out the refrigerator, delete the number of an ex-partner, or dispose of old clothing to attempt to have a fresh start. While these behaviors open the door to change, there are underlying causes of how the pattern developed. Very seldom do we ever stop to ask ourselves, what influenced my behavior?
Behavior patterns as an adult vary by person and are often rooted in childhood experiences and trauma. For example, how critical you are of your appearance before leaving the house could be connected to that 8-year-old part of you. That part that is still heartbroken from an experience where your first crush told you that you were ugly. Perhaps you are someone who often rehearses what you need to say before social outings, which is tied to when your second-grade teacher embarrassed you in front of the class, and you were at a loss for words. Maybe you struggle to project your voice as an adult in social settings or leadership roles because your parent told you, “Kids should be seen, not heard.” Experiences become core memories that shape who we are as adults, and our present-day experiences activate those memories or inner child experiences and our core beliefs each time we encounter similar situations.
So how do we fix it?
We must acknowledge it. The first step to change is to own that there is a problem that needs to be adjusted. Exercise: Keep a journal to write down daily activities and experiences that trigger strong thoughts or emotions and reflect on patterns. Do you see any themes?
The next step is understanding it. Reflection is like a mirror. At times, what you see is pretty decent, but your truth may look ugly. Consider when or how you developed this pattern of belief about self and what you were trying to deflect from. Exercise: Write a letter to yourself at (insert age). What advice would you give your inner child then, knowing what you know now?
If these options seem overwhelming, seek the help of a professional. The key to this step is engaging when you are willing to do the self-searching in order to produce real change. It is said that it takes 30 days to start a new habit. So why not commit to the deep dive and start exploring what’s behind your response daily for the next few days? You may learn a lot about yourself.
SIGNED THE COUNSELING INTERN T.
Tabitha Karl, Ph.D., currently an intern at Kensho Psychotherapy, offers valuable insights into the role of inner child work in addressing everyday trauma. According to Dr. Karl, it’s not just the trauma itself that affects us; it’s the beliefs we form about ourselves and the world’s safety that can compromise our wellbeing, relationships, and adult life.
An additional tip to reframe your inner dialogue involves practicing self-compassion. When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend. This shift in perspective can significantly alter your response to life’s challenges.
We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please leave a comment below or share this piece with someone who might find it helpful. Your engagement and sharing can make a meaningful difference in someone’s journey of self-discovery and healing.
As we continue our conversation about grief and loss when others can’t understand our experience, let’s unpack some practical ways to cope with grief, especially when it feels like you’re going through it alone.
REDEFINING GRIEF
As we discussed in Part I of this series, grief is a healthy process and an opportunity to view it as an opportunity for self-discovery. The DSM V-R, the clinical guide that we use as therapists, views grief as a disorder or something we should fix. I have discovered in both my personal and professional experience that the point of grieving is not forgetting and “moving on.” It’s not a thing to “fix.” If we allow it, it becomes part of who we are and our journey. It is something to experience.
Experiencing grief leads to positive life changes and more appreciation and gratitude for the present moment. It allows a balance of emotions and experiences that are both uncomfortable (sadness, anger, fear) and affirmative (acceptance, transformation, maturity).
PERSONAL TIPS FOR COPING WITH GRIEF
Navigating grief is a personal process. Given that, I want to offer a gentler way of personally perceiving grief and joy beyond the holidays.
1. In order to fully experience grief, it is crucial to develop a relationship with the self. Bessel Van Der Kolk, a prominent trauma therapist, outlines his concept of internal experience in his book, Body Keeps the Score, stating, “Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.”
2. I have often caught myself comparing my grief experience to others and tormenting myself with “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” in terms of my feelings and actions. Relief came when I realized there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. Grief just is, and it is a unique experience for me.
3. Recognize that grief and joy are not mutually exclusive. Â
When I am open to the whole experience of grieving, I find a space in my heart for moments of connection and joy. And after all, wouldn’t the grieving person want you to experience joy, whether it be a joyful memory of them or a joyful moment in the present? It is ok to hold space for both at the same time.
Don’t suffer in silence. Be honest with yourself and others about your needs, even if it is to be alone. Ask yourself, “Do I need time alone to process my grief, or am I simply avoiding others?” “Are there things I need to say? Do I need to ask someone to have a conversation with me about the loss?” Letting the family in takes courage and honesty and asking for support and understanding.
Remember that you are the owner of your grief. It is your choice how you celebrate or engage with family or friends around the loss. Permit yourself to be you and know that whatever you choose is ok.Â
THE BOTTOM LINE
For those of us who have had to reexperience feelings of grief during the Holiday season and are exhausted from being around others or wearing the mask of trying so hard to look “happy,” we see you and encourage you to give yourself what you need. Maybe it’s rest, scheduling a therapy session, or engaging in other healthy coping skills.
Additionally, the grief process is personal, and we invite you to practice self-compassion and kindness toward your own experience of where you are in the process.
We extend our gratitude to Psychotherapist Ms. Pezacka. Her expertise as a member of our mental health therapy team has offered deep insights into the nature of grief. If you’re in search of counseling or therapy to help you cope with grief, or you are looking for a therapist near you, reach out to us at 347-868-7813.Â
Your thoughts and experiences matter to us, so we’d love to hear your feedback on this piece in the comments below.Â
As the New Year unfolds, setting goals is customary, just as the ball drops. Often, these are lofty ones, the kind we abandon before January even says goodbye. But what if we flipped the script this year? This year, I want to help you figure out how to create goals that resonate with a plan to achieve them. Keep reading to discover how to set goals you’ll be excited to work on all year.
This year, we will reach into our therapist’s toolbox and try mindful goal setting – a practice that focuses on what we want to achieve and how we want to feel as a means to goal attainment. Approaching goal setting mindfully means staying connected to the present, which forces you to focus on what you can control right now. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the future or constrained by our past, but mindfulness disrupts that process.
Why We Should Set Mindful Goals
Think of setting goals as your life’s GPS; they provide direction and a destination. In therapy, we use goals to address issues effectively. Without direction, it’s easy to go through life on auto-pilot doing all the things we “should,” leading to feeling disconnected, lost, or unhappy because we aren’t working on something purposeful. That’s why I encourage you to set goals – to work on something purposeful for yourself.
Where to Start
Reflect on the areas of your life that were neglected or avoided last year or the things that consistently drained your time and energy. These are clues to areas needing attention, such as health, relationships, or personal growth. Ask yourself, what do you want these areas to look like moving forward?
More Prompts for Goal Writing:
Consider specific areas – personal, professional, health, relationships – where setting a goal could lead to positive change.
Think about the legacy you want to leave. What goals align with this?
Imagine what you could achieve physically, professionally, and financially without fear or limits.
This time of year is a nudge to refocus on what genuinely matters. Set goals that move you in that direction.
Mindful Goal Setting for the New Year
Creating an Intentional Inner Space: Begin in a calm environment. Find a quiet spot, take deep breaths, and center yourself. This helps clear your mind and sets the stage for meaningful goal setting.
Acknowledging and Releasing Emotions: It’s natural to feel overwhelmed or sad when reflecting on the past year or planning ahead. Mindfully recognize these feelings without judgment. Ask yourself, “Where am I now, and what can I do with this moment?” “Is this [thought or emotion] helping me.” This will support you in remaining grounded in the present.
Visualizing Success: Focus on how you want to feel when you achieve your goals. Use your senses to strengthen your connection to these goals, making them more tangible and exciting. This boosts your motivation and makes the journey enjoyable.
Focusing on Small, Manageable Steps: Concentrate on small, achievable steps that support your larger vision. This approach reduces anxiety and makes your goals more attainable.
Making Goals Visual: Create a visual representation of your goals, like a vision board or a detailed description. Include emotions, details, and images that embody your aspirations. Seeing your life with these goals already achieved will fuel your success and maintain your motivation throughout the year.
As we step into this New Year, embrace mindful goal setting. It’s about more than reaching a destination; it’s about enjoying the journey, growing along the way, and aligning with the life you want to live. Let’s make this year not just about unchecked resolutions but a time for meaningful growth and possibilities.Â
The journey towards your goals is as important as the destination. It’s about growth, learning, and enjoying each step along the way. We’re here to walk that path with you. Our events are more than just gatherings; they’re incubators for inspiration, motivation, and actionable strategies. Check out the upcoming Vision Board Event in Brooklyn on 1.14.24:https://findyourglow2024.eventbrite.com
Our services are tailored to help you maintain focus, overcome obstacles, and celebrate every victory, big or small. Looking for a therapist book here.Â
Keep striving, keep growing, and remember, we’re here to support you in every way we can. Let’s make this year unforgettable.
