If you’re the one everyone relies on—the fixer, the achiever, the strong friend—but inside you’re feeling drained and stuck, know this: being stuck isn’t a sign of strength. It’s a signal that it’s time to make a change.
In the episode we put out this week for the Grace, Growth & Leadership podcast, we explore the emotional and practical aspects of recognizing when it’s time to shift. It’s about granting yourself permission to evolve, redefine success on your own terms, and move forward with intention.
Sometimes, change can feel hard because it stirs up deep, uncomfortable feelings
Sometimes, pivoting can feel hard because it stirs up deep, uncomfortable feelings — not necessarily because the change itself is wrong, but because of the internal stories we’ve been carrying for years. Stories about expectations. Stories about how success “should” look. Real fears about what others might think if you step into something different. Often, we wait for external validation before making changes, thinking we need someone else’s approval to move forward.
But the truth is: real growth begins when you grant yourself permission — permission to pivot, to pause, to choose a new path.
This self-granted permission becomes the catalyst for movement, for momentum, and for renewed energy.
What Grace Can Look Like in the Midst of Change
One powerful shift?
Practice celebrating small pivots as wins — not just the big ones. Instead of waiting until you've fully "arrived" somewhere new, acknowledge every decision that nudges you toward alignment. Each conversation you have, each boundary you set, each step you take outside your comfort zone — that is progress.
We get more into that and so much more in this week’s episode on YouTube and the Grace, Growth & Leadership podcast. 🎙️✨
🎧 Listen to the Podcast Episode
If parts of this feel especially challenging on a deeper level — if you're navigating change, grief, identity shifts, or leadership fatigue — we’re here to support you. Connect with us for therapy if you need personalized care.
Or if you’re looking for a likeminded space for women leading their businesses while developing themselves, the Couch to Business Collective is a great place to begin. 💬 👉 Join the Collective Here
Your next chapter isn’t about pushing harder — it’s about pivoting with purpose.
Taking up space means giving yourself permission to express your thoughts, feelings, boundaries, and anything else that feels authentic to you. It’s about rewriting cultural norms that have confined you to a prison of “shoulds” and “need-tos,” pulling you away from deeply trusting yourself.
Why is Taking Up Space Hard?
For many women of color, taking up space is challenging due to societal pressures and cultural expectations. We are often taught to be obedient and submissive and serve others, usually learning it is ok to put our needs last and rarely voice our concerns about that. In addition, external power struggles and internalized beliefs, particularly when intertwined with trauma, make it difficult to see our value and accept the attention that comes with taking up space.
If you are of a marginalized identity, you might find yourself making an effort to fit in and not be “found out.” This could manifest in various ways, like avoiding negotiating at work, accepting the opinions of others even though it makes no damn sense, allowing those in perceived authority to interrupt you, or swallowing your thoughts and emotions in relationships for fear of conflict. There are countless subtle ways that shrinking back, playing safe, or remaining hidden can appear in your life, often without conscious awareness.
The world (and sometimes our own narrative) has often conditioned us to believe that it’s safer to be small and quiet as women. But as we’ve come to understand, shrinking to fit into preconceived molds only serves to disrupt our potential.
Why Practice is Essential
In the Mindset Collective, our membership community for women of color, we explore the importance of practicing the concept of taking up space. (Join us here!) By actively engaging with this idea, we start to unravel the limitations placed on us by societal expectations and personal insecurities. This is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment that requires consistent effort and practice.
The practice of taking up space is about more than just being seen and heard. It’s about reclaiming our right to exist fully and authentically. Life presents us with unexpected challenges, and by practicing the art of taking up space, we equip ourselves with the tools to not just survive but thrive.
Consider Simone Biles, who honored her emotions by withdrawing from the Tokyo Olympics to prioritize her mental health. Her decision, initially met with criticism, was a powerful statement of self-awareness and self-care.
Fast-forward to this year’s Olympics in Paris, where she returned with renewed confidence and strength and dominated her field. Biles’ journey teaches us that taking up space often requires making bold choices that honor our well-being.
Similarly, Sha’Carri Richardson faced intense scrutiny and judgment, grappling with personal challenges and public expectations. Her journey back to the track was marked by resilience and growth. Richardson returned with a powerful presence, embodying both humility and strength. Her story is a reminder that taking up space sometimes means confronting our mistakes and emerging stronger.
Even Kamala Harris, as Vice President, navigates the complexities of her role in a landscape that often tries to minimize the voices of women of color. Her journey represents the ongoing challenge of taking up space in positions of power and influence.
I’m personally looking forward to the 2024 Olympics and the Track and Field events, where we get to see the resilience and strength of athletes like Richardson. Their stories inspire us to rise above the challenges that try to subdue us as women, especially those of us who are marginalized.
How Can We Take Up Space?
So, how do we take up space? Taking up space is about more than physical presence; it’s about asserting your right to be seen and heard in a world that often tries to silence you. It’s intentional acts that need to be practiced.
Here are a few ways you can start practicing this concept:
Embrace Your Emotions: Don’t shy away from expressing how you feel. Whether it’s joy, anger, or sadness, acknowledging and voicing your emotions is a powerful act of self-validation.
Speak Up: Whether in a meeting, a social gathering, or even online, practice sharing your thoughts and ideas. Your voice matters, and your perspective is valuable.
Set Boundaries: Protect your energy and time by establishing clear boundaries. Where do you need to set a boundary in your life today? Create an action step for it.
Rest: Knowing when it’s time to pull back and restore your energy is also key. We don’t always have to keep pushing (or at least out loud). Take time to give yourself what you need so you can thrive when the opportunity comes.
Now, it’s your turn. How are you taking up space in your life? Share your experiences or intentions in the comments. I would love to see the different ways we practice taking up space.
Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Mindset Coach for high-achieving women leaders and entrepreneurs. Her joy is tackling mental health on multiple platforms and you can learn more about her at: http://www.amandafludd.com.
Discovering who you are is a way to understand your purpose and reduce the anxiety and disconnect you feel in your life.
Do you ever wonder why you’re here? Or reached a point in life that you question, is this all life is about?” It’s like getting to the end of the action-packed ride you waited an hour for only to come off like, “that’s it?”
This is the same feeling many of us experience who have checked all the boxes, aligned with cultural or familial expectations, and did “all the things” only to one-day wake up with a life that’s far from what they expected.
Before we hit this realization, it sometimes gets lost in a tirade of energy-sucking complaints. It may start with minor things in life, like why won’t he pick up the laundry off the floor? To forever late to everything, or dreading going into work- finding yourself more reactive, envious, or defensive to others, to escalating unhappiness. This dynamic is more about our own avoidance of what we don’t like about ourselves. Let that marinate.
When you are out of Alignment
When we are out of alignment with what we want in life or are living in a way this is not an expression of who we are (our likes, values, etc.), it is sometimes projected outwardly as complaints, victimization, or blaming other people for something you instead need to address within yourself.
For me, purpose is redefining who you are or who you thought you needed to be. It’s finding what you love, and that’s the work I love to do with the women I work with. After all, you were created with a unique set of gifts, passions, and talents that no one else in the world can duplicate! You have to find space for that in your life, which is sometimes outside the expectations that have guided your life so far.
Your success is connected to how you leverage your strengths and navigate your own wants and everyone else’s expectations. Taking the time to discover your purpose allows you to redefine yourself in a way that brings you greater self-fulfillment and promotes emotional wellness.
When you’re doing what you feel like you must have been born to do, you can create a life you enjoy every day.
Your goals will have more meaning to you, and challenges will be naturally easier to overcome as you operate with intention and expectation instead of out of obligation and dread. This process for finding your life purpose enables you to tune in to your inner self and figure out what drives you. Take the time to find your purpose – your life will undoubtedly change for the better!
Do Not Disturb. It’s Time To Get Honest With Yourself
For this process, an open mind is optional but helpful. Some of this may seem too deep — too personal. You may ask yourself how it has anything to do with my career, purpose, or having a business. But ultimately, all of this is connected. You will needa piece of paper, something to write with, and a stretch of quiet time (anywhere from 15mins to 1 hour), so throw up that Do Not Disturb Sign on the office door and let’s do some work.
As you are doing this exercise, try to empty your mind as much as possible. A great way to help you do that is with a mindfulness practice, as the less cluttered your mind is, the easier the process will be.
Redefining Yourself and Finding Your Purpose
Rediscovering and reinventing yourself is a natural part of self development. It’s essential for honest and valuable growth.
1. Focus on your intention. Write at the top of your paper: “Finding my purpose.” This simple act sets your intention in your mind for the next hour(or whatever time you decide. You can always start with a smaller period of time and repeat the exercise when you have more time).
2. Begin listing your thoughts – even if it’s doubts about this process. As you clear your mind and focus on this process,write whatever comes to mind,no matter what it is. If you think to yourself, “This isn’t going to work,” then you would write, “This isn’t going to work.”
3. Brainstorm. List what you think your purpose or gifts, strengths, and talents may be. Feel free to incorporate a few of these questions below to help generate some ideas. Keep writing until you believe you’ve arrived at your purpose. Eventually, you will see connections. And likely notice the connection between the things you enjoy doing and the things you were meant to do in your life.
· What is the most important priority in your life? Family? Work? or something else?
· What brings you joy in those spaces, or what do you find challenging at the moment?
· Is there someone triggering you in those spaces? What types of stories are you telling yourself about this person/situation?
· What are your talents and abilities? What are you good at? (Try to get a list of 5 – 10, but don’t overthink it).
· What are your weaknesses? (Be kind to yourself here. It shouldn’t exceed your strengths list).
· Which skills would you like to develop further? Why?
· What are you passionate about / what do you love to do?
· What are you not so passionate about / what do you hate doing?
· Do you get joy from helping others? Who?
· Based on your knowledge, experiences, and what you like to do, who do you like to help?
· What problems do they have?
· What have you always wanted to do, but you haven’t done it yet?
· Who do you most enjoy being around? Adults? Children? Why?
· Do you like to travel?
· Do you want more excitement in your life?
· What are your favorite books or movies? Why?
· How do you feel about your relationships?
· What or who kicks up your anxiety or perfectionism the most? What insights can you gather from that dynamic?
· What do you value?
· How important is money?
· What are three things you would do over differently if it were up to you?
4. How will you know you’ve arrived at purpose? You’ll know. It will be the answer that fills you with the most emotion. It may even bring you to tears. The idea will resonate with you completely; simply continue writing whatever comes into your mind until you reach that point.
A few of your answers may repeat itself and that’s ok. You may also notice a bunch of nonsense, but our brain can get distracted or be a little cluttered, and this exercise sometimes exposes that. Howeve, your brain will expose your innermost dreams as well. There may be a few answers that feel good, but remember you are looking for the most meaningful to you.
When you see good ones but not “it,” this means you’re close but not entirely on target yet. You’re looking for that one idea that feels overwhelming to you. In this exercise, it’s common to take several ideas before your purpose takes shape, even as many as 400 ideas. Keep writing!
How can my life purpose benefit me?
Hopefully you’ve discovered your purpose, or have a good sense of it. Now the work is to honor it. To do that, keep it in mind consistently as you make decisions in your life. Ask yourself, “Is this in alignment with my purpose or values?” A life lived like this, with direction and intentionality, is a life with less overwhelm and more joy.
So don’t wait any longer; schedule a time to do this exercise when you know you’ll have some peace and quiet. Understanding the core reason you’re here and ensuring that it aligns with the life you have created is a beautiful gift to yourself.
Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on a link and purchase an item I will receive a commission at no cost to you. All opinions remain my own.
I don’t think we get to hear that as much as we need it, and sometimes we are just too tired to give it to ourselves, so I’m sharing that compassion with you.
We don’t always know how to tell people how we feel about them; it’s like this great big mystery to find out how people think about us.
Looking at it from a cultural lens, Caribbean families, for example, you’ll often overhear your parents telling your auntie or their friend how proud they are of you that you excelled in school, won the trophy, involved in sports, working on your business, yet, they may not directly tell you how proud they are of you. Sometimes, we even forget to tell ourselves, but at this moment, I am showing up to let you know that you are doing a wonderful job, and I am so proud of your thoughtfulness and efforts.
Find That Positive Encouragement
We have to find supportive spaces to pour into us, especially when you are in a service position, or typically engage in a love language of giving. Get around a community working just as hard as you are, especially as entrepreneurs and women with amazing goals. We aren’t always around people that get the drive or the sacrifice that comes with this role. Or even how empty, or worn out you are on the inside, despite how aesthetically pleasing you may show up on the outside. Find a tribe that gets that, and that’s willing to pour into you as well. You are welcome to join my tribe, especially if you are a woman of color, we sometimes need a unique space to relax, feel safe and allow ourselves to be poured into.
Find the community that is going to push you
That said, just because someone doesn’t see or acknowledge your brilliance doesn’t mean that you aren’t exactly that. It’s ok to pour into yourself instead of waiting for external validation and approval. I want you to think of two ways to remind yourself that you are amazing, that you are brilliant, creative, [insert strength].
Think about that right now, write it down, and take the next step of figuring out how to remind yourself of even that reminder. For example, I could send myself a text message, so let me find that app that will do that for me. I can schedule a few emails for the future, etc. By engaging in that extra bit of action right now, this shifts from interesting thoughts to a sustainable system of action that regularly infuses positive encouragement into your life.
Words of encouragement for the tired entrepreneur
What’s the key to pushing through? You have to stay mentally and emotionally encouraged. One way to do this is to reinforce statements that uplift your spirit on a daily basis.
I am happy with my growth at this moment.
I am in love with my life and my business. I own my worth.
I deserve the best in all areas of my life
I embrace the greatness within me
I am unstoppable
I am a fierce and powerful woman
I am energized and ready to slay the day
I welcome positive vibes and opportunity into my life
It is ok to rest
I make self-care a priority because it’s essential for self-love
And this final gem from Congress woman Maxine Waters, “I am a strong black woman and I cannot be intimidated.”
Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R is a Psychotherapist, Coach and Consultant pushing the personal development of women. She loves to run, nap and spend time with her family. Amanda talks tips and all things mental health at www.amandafludd.com. Make sure to also follow her on Instagram @amanda.fludd.
You are amazing. You are more than enough. You are creative, talented, effective, and beautiful. Yet, so self critical.
The truth is, many of us often engage in a very critical inner dialogue flooded with “I can’t,” “should’s,” “what if’s,” or “I am not enough.” Words that play into catastrophic (imaginary) outcomes as it plays out in our minds (often in elaborate detail) and throws a wrench in our progress.
Have you ever wondered why you can be so self-critical and how to tackle the thought I am not enough?
Here’s to some deep soul searching today.
In rare cases, self-criticism can be helpful- it may give some valuable insight, but it’s rare. The problem with self-critical thoughts or that unchecked inner mean girl is it takes a direct hit at your confidence and sense of self. Unchecked, it increases your risk for stress or experiences like depression anxiety.
Don’t think your way out of how capable you are. Instead, remember that thoughts are not facts, and if you shift your thoughts, you can shift your experience.
Ten affirmations to replace critical conversations:
I am capable of doing hard things.
I am focused and persistent.
I am safe.
I am in charge of my own happiness.
I am doing the best that I can.
I am capable of creating positive change.
I am the expert in the room.
I am dismantling systems that create inequity piece by piece.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I am proud of myself and all that I have accomplished.
Which of these speaks to you?
To embrace those I am’s and respond to them in meaningful ways instead of our fears, it becomes essential to explore the source of our negative thoughts. With awareness, you can gain the insights and skills to reframe self-critical thoughts, so they don’t continue as barriers as you execute your goals.
Let’s tackle I Am Not Enough
It’s one of the most common self-critical thoughts. It is often connected to early family stories, invalidating environments, traumas, or shame-based experiences that can emotionally paralyze us in real-time. For example, Mark (definitely not his name), grew up with a very old school strict father who wanted him to “man up,” a consistent message in his young life. When his eight-year-old self (the client) brought home 90’s, it would be met with, well why isn’t it a 100?
While it was never clearly stated, what is the underlying thought or belief you hear with this example?
It’s not enough.
As a developing being, if you repeatedly hear negative messages, it can quickly become internalized into this belief that no matter how hard I work, it is not enough. I have to work extra hard to be “enough” or be seen, acknowledged, or accepted. The most challenging part is that the achievement will never resolve “I am not enough.” It becomes complicated to feel or be satisfied. This dynamic around this idea of “enough,” or any self-critical thought, can consequently create space for things like anxiety, perfectionism, worry, overworking, and stress.
How do I change the I am not enough thoughts?
A significant step to change is awareness. It’s helpful to think about where the thoughts or ideas come from.
Ask yourself when does this happen to me, and begin to get curious about the experience.
Ask, why do I feel like I’m never enough? It is important here to also take a moment to acknowledge the feelings that accompany that experience. Often those same emotions you notice were never given space and were instead met with the message don’t cry, what’s wrong with you, or feelings are a sign of weakness.
Once you realize that thoughts based on your past may still be showing up to control your present, it gets easier to address them in real-time, like using the above affirmations. The key is finding the unhelpful thoughts or beliefs based on old ideas that no longer support your life and learning to reframe them. It becomes easier to like who you have become, accept you are enough, and embrace your success with new perspectives.
Reflection Point: Changing The I Am Not Enough Thoughts
Figure out the source. Spend some time unpacking your thoughts and feelings.
To help your awareness – Try journaling, meditation, or other contemplative activities to find and release the things holding you back. You can give our self-love journal a try. The prompts help you to approach self-criticism from a place of self-compassion.
Every time you have a negative or critical thought, replace it with a new thought that uplifts you and makes you feel good enough. Or repeat to yourself, I am good enough or another affirmation as mentioned above. The research suggests that affirmations can help you to perform better. Spending just a few minutes thinking about your best qualities can decrease stress, increase your confidence, and improve your chances of success.
A Licensed therapist and coach for high achieving women. It’s important to note when resolving complex thoughts is challenging, it is also helpful to enlist the support of a therapist or a coach.
